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Old 06-18-2003, 07:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Connecticut
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NancyEllen HB User
Post Told To Contact Hospice

My father went to my aunt's house today and told her the doctor said he needs to contact hospice. He comes to my office everyday and we all try to be happy and pretend he is not going to die. I don't know what to say to him! He gave me his scrap book with all his pictures from high school and letters from girlfriends. I hid it in an old bureau. Today he asked me if there was anything I wanted to keep because he would burn the rest. I told him I looked at the scrap book that I would like to keep it and hid it so no one will see it. He was so happy. He said oh yes that is great.

Nancy

 
Old 06-19-2003, 12:09 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Huntington Beach, CA USA
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JenniMommy HB User
Post

Wow Nancy, Your post really hit home for me. I understand you fear and confusion and doubt. I lost my mother to colon cancer this past September. It had spread to her liver and lungs. She was in remission twice in the five years after her diagnosis. I but this last time she just couldn't fight it off. I was in the same boat... didn't know what to say. I have a strong faith and kept telling my mom... "well, God's just going to heal you, mom!" I finally realized that THAT was not his perfect will. My mom was 55 and I have two small children. The things I wish I said to my mom before I lost her were many! I wish I asked her more about her past. I wish I asked her more about her feelings for dad. I wish I asked her to write letters to me and to my children. I wish I asked her what she wanted me to say to my daughter at her wedding. I wish I asked her how to cook that one dish. I wish I video taped her more and took more pictures of the two of us together. I could go on and on and on. I wish... but I promise you one thing. Don't put off talking with and being honest with your dad. Our coping defence says that if we don't deal with it it won't happen... well, that's just not true. I lost my mom in a whirl wind. She went in the ER on a Thursday, went home with hospice on Tuesday with pneumonia, and God took her up into glory on Thursday morning. Time is your most precious thing right now. Don't worry about what not to say... Just talk to him. Tell him how scared you are. Ask him how scared he is. Let him talk about his fears with you. Don't be afraid to cry together. Most of all and above all, be honest. Another thing you can do to help yourself is keep a journal. May the grace of God be with you and your family! I hope the very best for you!

 
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