Our computer finally bit the big one, and we had to go buy a new PC today, but I am up and running again.
OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS...after yesterday's panicked call to the doctor because daddy hadn't peed, she ordered hospice to come over.
I canNOT believe what a Godsend hospice is! They agree that daddy is "days to weeks" from passing, they have accepted him, and y'all...you will never believe this: The nurse that came today has ordered a CNA 3x a week, an RN twice a week and a social worker once a week as I need her. Calling 911 is off the boards - I will call them now for anything. They have a hospice house that was just built, and when daddy gets to the "active dying" portion of this horrid journey, they will quietly and gently come get him and take him there. They are supplying all the meds he needs, including the stuff he currently takes. A table for his bed so I can feed him there easily. An air mattress with circulating air so he doesn't get bedsores.
The CNA will bathe, shave, dress him, the RN will take care of medical stuff, the social worker will help with end of life stuff....
I could (and have) cry. This is wonderful. I can't believe it.
More later - still setting up the new 'puter - but I had to tell you all about my day.
OH! One more thing - and the most important to me - I asked her if the new meds could be causing daddy to be like this. Am I OD'ing him? Should I back them down? She is a wonderful nurse and wonderful person. She looked me right in the eyes and said, "No. The meds he is on do not have the properties to cause this. His 4th of July Hoo Rah (where he cane whipped my daughter) was just his last little adventure. Do NOT stop his meds - they are keeping him in a happy place, and that's where he needs to be. You have done NOTHING wrong, and he is well loved and cared for."
The compassionate care that Hospice will give you is what you needed. This will allow your dads final days to pass with compassion, caring and dignity. He deserves this and so do you. You have been a wonderful daughter that did so much for your dad. Now it is time to have some emotional and physical help to get you through the remaining days of your dad's life.
I think this is one of the best things to happen for you and your dad.
Deb, I'm so glad you have people holding your hand and your dad's. Your hospice staff sounds like a dream team! God bless you and them as you tenderly love and care for your dad in his last days. You have nothing to regret!
It never ever crossed my mind, Caring. Rocks? Geez. I probably have some of those in my head now, too. Rocks in my head. Heh.
I am so proud to call ALL of you "friends". This disease is so isolating - and my only outlet for anything is right here. And when I say that I love you, I mean that.
I wish I had a copy of all my posts. It would be interesting to see how far I've come in this process. And to read all of your answers. I told my MIL (whom I simply ADORE) about how when I had an issue, was venting, upset, I would post here and within minutes - replies! How each of you has helped me hold it together. And like I said yesterday, I told the hospice nurse about every single one of you, and she wrote down the URL for this site so she could pass it on to othere people like us.
I always knew that y'all held me together. I never knew until recently just how absolute that statement is.
And here's the most important thing you/I can offer newbies - validation. What if we didn't know that our loved one might spend 4 months packing? Or collecting rocks? Or being so concerned with her eyebrows that a red marker would do the trick (that one STILL has me in stitches)?
This insidious disease is brutal and evil. I can't for the life of me imagine having gone through this alone. That's why I am trying to get in touch with Ellen Degeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah, Bonnie Hunt - so they can get us all together and on their programs to talk about how we need RESEARCH, Support Groups, each other. How demented loved ones are gonna do WEIRD stuff. No one tells us that. No one tells us about how ugly it all gets. And the world needs to know.
I really do love you all. And when this is all over for daddy, I will still be a vocal and integral part of this board. Because you have superceded "friends" and have become "family."
Your Daddy's guardian angels have come through for you and him one more time. They knew it was time and they called out the forces to come forth and come help. I do so believe that when help is needed they are there. It's time to let their helpers take over. You have been given the gatekeepers to watch over daddy util it is his time to take their hands and go home.