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Old 04-09-2010, 05:08 PM   #1
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Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Hi, I just got home fromt a 10 day stay at hospital with dad. Sadly to say, doctors are refusing to place dad a feeding tube in. They initialy did but some nurse came in and untied dads hands and begin wiping his sore area. Dad woke and paniced, and begun pulling at area she was wiping grabbing his new tube and pulled it right out. Now they say he is danger to himself and will only cause more harm than good in future. I am left with option of starving him to death, at least thats how I see it. or feeding him until the pnemonia comes back than letting go. Am I being selfish, should I just let go. Dad just came in from sitting outside, he enjoyed the sun. He still can nod his head if I ask him questions, and he even tried to help me put his diaper on this morning. I still see life in him, so do I put him down like they do old animals or just let nature take its course. I am so afraid right now, of doing the wrong thing. Everything I do seems wrong, I keep thinking I need more opinions take him to another doctor. Maybe they can do something, the feeding tube I hear also can be hard on an older person. My dad is 89 will be 90 in july. but seems to have strong body. All his bloodwork is normal range its just this darn dementia.

 
Old 04-09-2010, 05:29 PM   #2
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

My wife works for hospice and she has told me of some of her experiences. If your father is in hospice care than death in imminent. Feeding someone in this situation will cause more harm than good. There is a process one goes through during their final time. You may see instances of life and your father may appear to be getting better. That is usually followed by tiredness and confusion. The nurses in hospice care are special people and are trained to answer your questions and concern. Ask them any thing you may be concerned with. Hospice's main priority is to help loved ones pass on to the next life with as much comfort and dignity as possible. You need to put your trust in the hospice nurses to help your father, you and your family get through this difficult time.

 
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Old 04-09-2010, 05:46 PM   #3
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

My mother also died of Dementia, the fatal cause was not being able to process food. It would not have helped to use a feeding tube since nothing that went into her stomach was digested. Her body just shut down.

It is cruel to try to keep a person alive when their body is already on the way to a quiet death. Hospice only steps in when death is coming soon, and they do a good job of comforting the person, keeping them pain free, and helping families with the transition. Death is a natural part of every life. It is so hard to see a loved one go, but you have to step back and let nature take its course. Dementia is a fatal disease, usually ending the person's life around 8 years after onset. Many people say "his body if fine, he just has dementia", but dementia eventually stops the brain from directing such necessary things as digesting food.

I am sorry for you, and I know how it feels. But if his time has come, nothing you do can change that, and if possible let him go gently without all the tubes and machines attached to his body.

Love and prayers,
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Old 04-10-2010, 02:47 AM   #4
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

My wife and I had this discussion many years ago. And agreed - NO life support.

When the time came, yes, It was hard. But I honored our agreement and let her go. At that stage, their body doesn't know what to do with food anyway, so it is not like you are starving them to death. You are simply letting nature take it's course.

I have honestly had no feelings of guilt about my decision. But had a real peace about it. I hope you can get to that point.

K

 
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Old 04-10-2010, 02:54 AM   #5
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Daddiesprincess - Your name pretty much says it all - you love your dad, so I know you want what is best for him. If it were 20 years ago before the onset of this disease , and you were talking to him about this type of situation - I expect that he would have been horrified to think of himself in this position. But mostly, he probably would not have wanted you in the position that you are facing.

I think that Marth H says it about as well as it can be said. "It is cruel to try to keep a person alive when their body is already on the way to a quiet death. Hospice only steps in when death is coming soon, and they do a good job of comforting the person, keeping them pain free, and helping families with the transition. Death is a natural part of every life. It is so hard to see a loved one go, but you have to step back and let nature take its course. Dementia is a fatal disease, usually ending the person's life around 8 years after onset. Many people say "his body if fine, he just has dementia", but dementia eventually stops the brain from directing such necessary things as digesting food.

I am sorry for you, and I know how it feels. But if his time has come, nothing you do can change that, and if possible let him go gently without all the tubes and machines attached to his body. "

Before my father passed away with the disease at 93 - my mother and I walked into his hospital room ( he had pneumonia) and he had the first moment of clarity in a long long time. He said " Hello Thekla, Hello Ginger, how you doing today" We were shocked that he had spoken to us and I asked him how he was - " He replied, I'll be dead in a week." Again I was shocked and asked if he had heard someone say something. He said " no, I know my own body and and I'll be dead by Monday. Do you want my truck?" Well , Daddy hadn't had a truck in years, and he talked a minute or two more, then he went to sleep. That was the last he spoke to us. Not long after he was transferred back to the nursing home. He missed his date by a week, but the next Sunday night I slept with the phone by my pillow and at 5:00 am Monday morning he quietly passed. That one conversation gave us both some closure. He let us know that he was ready.

Eight years later, my mother now has advanced alzheimer's. It is so difficult to let them go, but the mother I know and love is slowly leaving her body and mind. We have talked often in the past. And I know that she would want me to let her go in a quiet and dignified manner. By prolonging her life, I would be prolonging the nightmare that she had always been afraid of.

I know that it is a tough decision - keep him comfortable, but let him go. He would want you to continue with your life as a celebration of his. You will always be his princess.
Ginger

 
Old 04-10-2010, 07:41 AM   #6
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

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Daddiesprincess - Your name pretty much says it all - you love your dad, so I know you want what is best for him. If it were 20 years ago before the onset of this disease , and you were talking to him about this type of situation - I expect that he would have been horrified to think of himself in this position. But mostly, he probably would not have wanted you in the position that you are facing.

I think that Marth H says it about as well as it can be said. "It is cruel to try to keep a person alive when their body is already on the way to a quiet death. Hospice only steps in when death is coming soon, and they do a good job of comforting the person, keeping them pain free, and helping families with the transition. Death is a natural part of every life. It is so hard to see a loved one go, but you have to step back and let nature take its course. Dementia is a fatal disease, usually ending the person's life around 8 years after onset. Many people say "his body if fine, he just has dementia", but dementia eventually stops the brain from directing such necessary things as digesting food.

I am sorry for you, and I know how it feels. But if his time has come, nothing you do can change that, and if possible let him go gently without all the tubes and machines attached to his body. "

Before my father passed away with the disease at 93 - my mother and I walked into his hospital room ( he had pneumonia) and he had the first moment of clarity in a long long time. He said " Hello Thekla, Hello Ginger, how you doing today" We were shocked that he had spoken to us and I asked him how he was - " He replied, I'll be dead in a week." Again I was shocked and asked if he had heard someone say something. He said " no, I know my own body and and I'll be dead by Monday. Do you want my truck?" Well , Daddy hadn't had a truck in years, and he talked a minute or two more, then he went to sleep. That was the last he spoke to us. Not long after he was transferred back to the nursing home. He missed his date by a week, but the next Sunday night I slept with the phone by my pillow and at 5:00 am Monday morning he quietly passed. That one conversation gave us both some closure. He let us know that he was ready.

Eight years later, my mother now has advanced alzheimer's. It is so difficult to let them go, but the mother I know and love is slowly leaving her body and mind. We have talked often in the past. And I know that she would want me to let her go in a quiet and dignified manner. By prolonging her life, I would be prolonging the nightmare that she had always been afraid of.

I know that it is a tough decision - keep him comfortable, but let him go. He would want you to continue with your life as a celebration of his. You will always be his princess.
Ginger
Thanks for all your replies, dads currently at home with me and yesterday when hospice came I sent them away. I felt that they where evading my final moments of clarity with dad. I felt defensive like they where coming to kill my dad. She gave me morphine to give him if he is in pain. And tell me all the bad things that happen at death. I was like well dads not gonna suffer like that.

MY sister sit by a friend whom they took food from for 7 days, his body broke down skin made sores, smelt bad. He moaned still. She tells me it was horrible experience. The man dropped weight rapidly was skin and bones when he died. They say he would die in 7 days he lasted 10. I kept telling my sister that man wasn't ready to go he is holding on fighting even under all those drugs. How can I ever get over such a period, if I do same with dad.

Dad to me is still dad, He still looks when I say daddy and still trys to help himself stand even takes a step. I put him a bird feeder at his window and every morning I go in there open the window, I am sure he is waiting on the birds to eat. He used to love birds. I even took him outside yesterday in his wheelchair. The birds were singing, I say dad they are happy arn't they, he shook his head yes. So, you see dad understands what you are saying. Even as you speak he looks at you with attention. When you walk into his room he opens his eyes. I asked him if he would like to go fishing, he shook his head yes. Yet, I keep telling myself dads suffering each morning I look at him hes looking frailer. I just don't want them to cut his life shorter than nessary. I tell myself when the time comes for them I will call them. All have said he is not in any pain from not eating but I also heard that if I keep trying to feed him this is what will cause the pain. I only see in his eyes he is tired. I thought maybe he is tired like me. We both spent 10 days at hospital and when I got home I was exhausted so I can imagine how he feels. Really I am not sure his dementia is as advanced as I have seen others

I keep saying my dad has to die because he will pull his tube out. Isn't there anything that they can do to close the flap they say is open back there. Dad's condition is not due to dementia being bad it's the strokes he had causing some flap to be open, speech therapist said they have saw improvements with tongue and mouth exercises. Dad eats well great appetite, just when he is swallowing food dumps because of this open flap back there. Dads also a veteran, I am hoping maybe they have something they can do for him. Some new technique or rehab for his swallowing. I will take him to shrevport. I get him up every morning and give him few bites of food and water.
I keep thinking its because of his age they don't wanna bother with him. How fair can this be? his body is strong his mind yes is becoming weak, but not as weak as they think. I see dad the day before he got sick from the pnemonia, I pick him up from daycare and he walked out with his cane, I tell him tell everyone bye, dad looked at a lady he was sitting next to waved and say bye with a slurred speech. Surely his dementia didn't get that worse over a week. I keep thinking something else is wrong they can fix it. My mind is just all jumbled up and I have no one to help me. My family lives over 190 miles away. Calls are scarce its like they are running from this, and I am at the point of numbness just sitting and watching hoping and praying crying, and feeling sorry for my dad. I know I need closure, but will I heal?

I am starting to feel like I am a reaper I need to put dad to rest. I just can't do it by starving him to death. This is my first real experience with death of a close loved one. I never knew such pain, and dullness it's like I keep wanting to let him go but than am holding on to him like a person holding someone's hand hanging over a cliff. Please pray for me, I am so weary right now, I tell my husband I feel like breaking down, but can't because if I do who will take care of dad?

Today I will call my mom and tell her, I am decided to let him go. but he must go natural. I remember as a kid my aunts grandmas all went when God said enough. Bible says he will put you through no more than you can bare.

Hope you all understand this, I am all jumbled today, my wordings maybe a bit confusing. Sorry

 
Old 04-10-2010, 08:15 AM   #7
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Daddiesprincess - I know how difficult a time this for you. From what you say, your dad's problems may stem more from physical problems over the dementia. It does not sound like he is the empty shell of the person we love that many of us face or have faced.
I know that this has made your decision even harder. God bless you for being such a loving daughter.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 09:18 AM   #8
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Princess I just lost my father March 5 to vascular dementia and lost my FIL recently from a stroke that paralyzed the ability to properly swallow just like your Dad. It is so very difficult but I will tell you that there is nothing you can do to fix either disease. It is what it is and acceptance is the best gift that you can give to your father and to yourself.

What your Dad probably had was aspirated pneumonia. It is caused when food particles go down the wind pipe and inflame the lungs. On the other side dementia patients will not learn to leave those tubes alone. They can't remember why they are there and that they need to be left alone. Yes, they are a danger to themselves. They are doing nothing but expending an already ugly process of dying. They are not giving Dad back his quality of life. Eventually the dementia will shut down the digestive process anyway... and in such a stressful situation that will pick up it's pace. It's a lose lose situation.

I did watch my hubby who does not deal with or know much about the death process try to feed his Dad after he was moved to the hospice care facility. I watched Pop's roll the food around in his mouth unable to do what should be done with it and then choke on it. Yes, it made hubby feel better in the moment but it was not beneficial of kind to my FIL. Pops was able to nod when the hunting channel came on TV and did have some responses to the fact that we were there. Yet with his disability due to the stroke and his dementia he was unable to have a feeding tube. Beyond that it was Pop's request and the wishes of his wife that he not have a feeding tube. He has suffered for 3 years since he broke his neck in a freak fall over his walker. He had dementia and two strokes. He was tired and ready to go. Until that last strokes it was his loved ones that were not ready. Pops died 10 days later. Hospice keep him pain free and comfortable.

My father died March 5 of advanced vascular dementia. He did eat what he could until but hid digestion had shut down. For a while I tried to pack in the nutrition despite what I knew in my head. He too had advanced directive of no feeding tubes. I watch him wither from 184 to 130 pounds on his 6'2" frame. He was on Hospice as well and they were wonderful. They did provide the morphine, which he needed very little of. Yes, it was difficult to watch my sister trying to feed him thickened liquids at the end but that is what she needed to do. I knew the aspirated pneumonia was probably. He also had a huge place on his back and places on both heels that were the beginning of bed sores. It was painful to turn him but it had to be done every hour. I knew I didn't want my Dad to live that way. He died 5 days later.

Both were difficult to watch. What I found most helpful was MY acceptance that it was the end. I actually had conversation with my Dad in the end. I told him that I would be ok and would be sure those he loved would be ok. I told him it was ok for him to go home. I ask him if he trusted me (that was something I had done often over the course of his disease) and he put his hand on mine with a tiny smile. Five days before his death he was up in the commons area laughing at my daughter. Three days before his death he was fussing with Mom. But I had to look beyond those last moments and in my heart I knew it was the end. Acceptance. He was unresponsive only the last 48 hours before he died peacefully.

Hospice is called when death is imminent. The fact that Hospice is involved tells you that there are no more medical procedures that will help your Dad. They have exhausted all their medical miracles and it is time to let go. Hospice is not only there for your Dad but they are there for you. Use them, listen to them, and ask them all the questions you have ask here. They are the experts. Their goal is natural death with dignity. I had a wonderful nurse with Dad and Pops. With Dad I also had a social worker that was amazing. It was her desire to make MY transition as easy as possible. The nurse was for Dad but she worked as much with me as she did with Dad.

I loved my Dad with all that is in me and I miss him terribly just as it is obvious that you love your Dad and don't want to lose him. But there does come a time when you have to let go. Let those from Hospice help you. Keep typing here. Some of use have been where you are now. I was just a month ago. We understand how difficult it is but also understand that it is a necessary process.

Yes, I struggled as you are but in the end, when that phone call came that Dad has finally gone "home", there was a sense of peace. Dad's struggle was over and I knew I would be ok. He will forever be in my heart. As difficult as it is.... the last unselfish act of a loving daughter is to allow her father to die withe calm peace and dignity. Acceptance.....

Love, deb

 
Old 04-10-2010, 11:18 AM   #9
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

I can add very little to what the veterans here have told you. The best gift you can give your dad is to let hospice do their job, and to let him know that YOU are gonna be ok. A dear friend of mine just lost her mom. The last few months, she kept saying her mom was fighting so hard, fighting so hard. I told her that maybe her mom was fighting so hard because she didn't think my friend could handle the situation. Parents, in odd ways, will think we are kids forever. Maybe your dad fights because he feels like you can't handle him going. After our talk, my friend told her mom, "I know you are tired, Mom, and it is ok if you need to go. Sis and I will be just fine. You raised us well and we are strong." She said it every time she visited, and she could actually see her mom relax & "improve". She died peacefully a week later. Remember your dad the way he used to be before the horrible disease and complications. Let him know he raised your right and you are strong (even if you don't feel that way right now!) HE needs to know it is ok for him to go. Use the wonderful hospice folks. They are not intruding. They are doing what is best! They are there to help and be objective. By your own admission you are tired and confused. Let them carry some of the load. I am new to this board and am a newbie to the dementia journey, but these wonderful people have been there, done it, and didn't just "get the t-shirt"----they all got the sweatshirt. You are not alone unless you want to be! Sending you Love, Light & Positive Energy! Lynne/Blue
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Old 04-10-2010, 05:02 PM   #10
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

it will be a year in june since my mom passed from dementia. she was in hospice for almost a week without food-just pain meds. it was the hardest decision we ever had to make, but i did not want to see her as a vegetable. its so hard to let go. my prayers and thoughts are with you.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 11:02 PM   #11
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

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it will be a year in june since my mom passed from dementia. she was in hospice for almost a week without food-just pain meds. it was the hardest decision we ever had to make, but i did not want to see her as a vegetable. its so hard to let go. my prayers and thoughts are with you.
I am listening to all your loses and its a picture I am drawing of me in the future. I also see that some are not over it, that there is still the pain. You have moved on but does the pain ever leave? This is a terrible memory maybe I am running from it. I have never had such memories and God knows I never thought of dad dying. I guess I felt so comfortable it never came to surface that dads gonna die soon. He was always so strong and a fighter. Today I took him outside again we sat and I shaved him. He slept mostly through it all. I also try to get him bird feed to feed the birds with me but he just hold the seeds in his hands.

He isnt in any pain though. I remember a passage from bible that God will put you through no more than you can bare. So with that I decided that Dads life is not the quality he once had but he isn't suffering beyond anything he can't bare. When that time comes and I see pain. I will also see when he can't hold on to me or pull himself up out of bed. I put him to bed tonight and he raised his legs to try and swing his legs into bed. I just assisted him on into bed.

I think once dad is so weak he can't do any of this anymore, I will take hospice on but for now I just want this time with him alone. I feed him smaller quantities hoping that this postpones the aspiration pnemonia. I give him thickened water through syringe and ice cubes to try and help keep him hydrated. I just want him to see another sunny day. And as long as I don't see pain or hear that rattle I feel we are ok. He has lost weight it's showing in his face, so I go by ensure and thicken it fed him small portions through syringe. He swallows well and eats well. The problem is when he swallows. He is also a silent aspirator which is scary because I can't be sure how much is getting in the right place. I just can't put him to sleep through hospice right now, he looks at me for another day. At least thats how I feel. I see he loves life and don't think he is ready to go. I think we all are afraid of death to a point. Even I am at this very moment wondering how I would feel if someone told me I only have weeks to live.

Anyway am just taking it one day at a time, truthfully I dont think dad has long. But, I am leaving it in Gods hands to heal or take him quietly. Not to go through that long delayed trauma of putting him to sleep with morphine and drugs. I just can't do it.

I talked to my sister today and I tell her you remember back when granny was alive we didn't have hospice people died on their own. Some went peacefully some not so peacefully. I would rather dad goes on his own peacefully. So I don't have to go through this hospice trauma. I don't wanna see his body torn aparet by sores and his bones stuck to his skin. God that would kill me forever. Not a memory I want. Just don't think hospice is for me not now anyway. If I had done it their way dad probably would be in coma right now instead he is in his room sleeping quietly. I will go give him breathing treatment than off to sleep myself tonight. This is day 4 and he is suppose to be morphined up by now. I am doing it God's way until I feel dad is in distress. Hopefully with prayers he doesn't need that stuff. Thanks to all I will keep you updated if I decide to go hospice or when.

Last edited by daddiesprincess; 04-12-2010 at 08:44 AM. Reason: removed statement which could offend. sorry

 
Old 04-11-2010, 12:14 AM   #12
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

I lost both my mum and BIL. I have a grave concern regarding your perception of hospice care and wonder where this derived from. I believe that you could receive help and comfort from hospice when the need arises.

 
Old 04-11-2010, 02:24 AM   #13
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Princess... Hospice will NOT put him to sleep with morphine if he doesn't need it. It is there IF he needs it. What he gets will depend on his pain symptoms. My dad was much as yours is now up until 48 hours before his death. He tried to get up but would only fall if he made it far enough. He slept most of the time. He nibbled on some scrambled eggs on Tuesday and died on Friday at sunrise. He had a small dose of morphine twice and that was it. He was under the care of hospice for over 6 weeks. Yep, I bought the ensure and quickly realized that it was not beneficial. My sister tried to feed him thickened liquids and he aspirated. I would have done anything to keep my Dad alive. He was my rock.

My daughter had been here the weekend before he died to visit with him. He was alert on Saturday even calling me by name and recognizing her. But I could see the tired in his eyes. Sunday, he slept all day to make up for the energy he exerted on Saturday. Monday I knew. Yet Tuesday he was up and nibbling on eggs that were fed to him. Wednesday and Thursday he didn't get out of bed.

I did exactly what Lynne said. On Wednesday morning I was with Dad alone. I told him that I would be ok. I also promised him that I would take care of Mom. I told him if he needed to go home, he was free to do so because I was strong enough. I ask him if he trusted me. He laid his hand on mine and there was a twinkle of a smile. Beyond that he said very little. Thursday he ask where his wife was (we put her right beside him) and then he said "pull me up". I thought he wanted to sit up. But then I noticed his stare was fixed on the ceiling. That was followed by the words... "Lift me up". And then he said.... "Absolutely beautiful". He closed his eyes and peacefully died 18 hours later with no morphine.

I have come to realize that Dad fought hard for 32 years. Each time we would put him on that air lift helicopter or he would head into the heart cath lab he would say to me... God's not done with me yet. Yes, he fought death. He fought it until he was nothing but skin and bones. It was only after Mom reached a point in her dementia that she is now happily oblivious that he is even gone and he knew I was strong enough to take wonderful care of her that he finally left. I don't look at that process as horrible. I look at a man who loved his family so much that he willed himself to stay. I admire his determination. But it was his time. I didn't want him here choking on liquids and battling pneumonia. Yes, I wanted my strong rock of a Dad back but that was not what he was. I gave him permission to leave. As I said before that was my last unselfish act for him. Beyond that I accepted his death. Yes, it still hurts and it probably always will. But that is not from the process. That is from missing the physical presence of my dad. Was I scared to lose my Dad... Hello yes!!! I was not sure what I would do without him. But in the month since his death I have figured that out. I will go on living because that is what he would want me to do... and I will take care of Mom until her last breath. I will forever carry him in my heart and he will be proud of me. He raised a daughter just as strong as he was. I remember when he lost his Mom. I want to be the person he was then.

Please don't shut Hospice out. They are there to help you. I know it is a struggle and if you sit long enough and feed the birds you can keep the the inevitable away. I wish that was true. What I know to be true is that you need those caring supportive people with all the right answers close by. What you don't need to do is be alone. They will give you space to be with your father but you also need to give them the liberty to help you through this time.

I didn't take an old horse out and shoot it. My dad went in his time and in his way. He went quietly and peacefully without medication... and I had a wonderful nurse and social worker from Hospice there with me to hold me up and support me. They helped me make all the necessary arrangements as well and dealt with the funeral home and even the death certificate. And when I wanted time with my Dad... they left the room. But I knew they were just a few steps away. No, I didn't shoot the old mule. I held his hand and they held mine

Love, deb

 
Old 04-11-2010, 03:54 AM   #14
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Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

The purpose of Hospice is to help a person who is near death to pass away in comfort and no pain. They are not practicing Euthanasia! Euthanasia is forbidden in every one of the 50 states. Remember that doctor in Michigan who is in jail for doing it!

Hospice has nothing to do with CAUSING death! They only help people who are already dying. Morphine is a pain killer. They do not overdose your loved one. I think you might want to talk to a counselor about your fears.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 04-11-2010, 04:59 AM   #15
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caringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB User
Re: Hospice wants me to stop feeding my dad

Dear PrincessDad

I know its hard to watch but just as the judge Solomon had to decide what to do with the baby that had two mothers declaring the child theirs and one of them gave up the baby, we must sacrifice our fullest love for our parents but not holding them here to earth with us purely for our own selfish reasons.

I went through this with my Dad. Then it was my wonderful, life-giving, husband. He was so sick and when I prayed, I didn't know what to pray for. Numerous times it was Dear God, help me to understand, accept, and help him through this but please leave him here with us forever. Then other times is Dear God, please help him not suffer in pain and illness anymore. And if your divine plan is to take him, please, please help me understand and accept it as best for him.

He died right in front of my eyes in mid-sentence of a conversation with my son. It was just as simple (for him) of the ever-ready bunny's battery being removed. One minute here, the next gone. it will be 5 years Tuesday and while I miss him terribly with each breath I take, I'm sooo glad that he's not suffering in pain and illness anymore.

However my mother who I just lost last February, '09 -- from dementia. It was hard to know that she could no longer swallow. My sister tried to feed her and the nurses freaked saying it could go into her lungs because her body doesn't do what it usually does. She wanted her best friend around forever and my sister would've made a pack with the devil if she could've -- that's how hard my sister fought to have my mother stay on earth.

Her talks with our priest seemed to help her in some ways but I had to beg her to say to Mom that she can go, that she'd be okay. I told Mom she can go a week or two before my sister finally had the ability to say it herself.

So please understand, no one is being unreasonable in withholding food. There are just some things bodies can't do any longer. While I miss my husband, I hope when my time comes, it is fast and swift like his and not long and drawn out (5 weeks worth) like my mothers.

Take comfort in letting your Dad go. He's going to a much better place; warm, sunny, surrounded by unconditional, undying love.

CaringSister54

 
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