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Old 06-26-2012, 11:29 AM   #1
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exhausted!

My Mom, who has vascular dementia was given 6 months to live in March and now with Hospice.

My Husband was being checked for colon cancer and he has been cleared of that and now they are checking for lung cancer because they found two spots on his lung, and has to have hip replacement. Because he cannot work he lost his job.

My Son-in-law was admitted to a mental health facility because he wants to kill himself. He has two beautful boys ages 5 and 7 (My Grandsons) and a wife who loves him dearly.

I have been at my job for 18 years and they are looking at cutting jobs I am scared.

I need prayers and strength to keep moving forward.

I really just want my normal life back.

I love my Mom so much but I truely can no longer watch her live like this. She sits in a chair all day, is fed pureed food, and only speaks very few words. This is not living, I do not want her to leave this earth, because I am selfish, but that is not fair to my Mom. I wish the good Lord would just take her and let her be joyous in heaven and pain free. I feel quilty thinking this way, but it is the reality of where we are at in this journey called Alzheimer (the ugliest word I know).

Prayers are wonderful and I appreciate anyone who prays for my family and I. God Bless

Love CAJ/Julie

 
The following 4 users give hugs of support to: CAJ0818
aras (06-28-2012), bearcubs (06-27-2012), Misscath007 (06-27-2012), ninamarc (06-26-2012)
Old 06-26-2012, 01:21 PM   #2
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Re: exhausted!

Julie, my thoughts and prayer and a huge hug come with this note. I do understand how you feel about your Mom and it is perfectly normal for you to feel this way. There is no guilt in wanting your Mom free of this disease and there is only one way to make that happen. There is no guilt in wanting your life back. Yes, selfishly we do want them to stay with us but sometimes we do have to love them enough to let them go. We have to love ourselves enough to let them to.... guilt free.

Your husband has been through one scare with positive results. Let's hope that he comes through this care with positive results as well. Hold on to that hope. You can deal with what comes. So please temper that fear with hope.

As for your son in law... he is where he can get the help he needs. That is a GOOD thing. With two darling sons and a dear wife, and the support of your and others, he has a good change of coming through this rough time. Be grateful that he is where he needs to be and receiving the help that he needs. Beyond that you will be there for your grandsons and daughter, no matter what happens.

Hang on to Hospice with your Mom and use the resources there for her. Are you in contact with the Hospice social worker? If not please ask for that service. Be open and honest with the social worker about all that YOU are going through. That is why they are there. I have found that my Hospice Social Worker is my best resource for my own mental well being. I have an hour once a week just to let go of all my stress and frustrations. After a year, I believe he knows more about me than anybody else in my life! Just having somebody that understands what I am dealing with and can give me advice and support is priceless.

And you can always come here. Venting is good for the soul. We can't fix much but we can hold your hand and let you know that we care. For now... hope for the best, know you will find a way to deal with whatever comes your way...

Love, deb

 
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Old 06-27-2012, 04:29 AM   #3
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Re: exhausted!

Deb,

You have such a beautiful gift of words. Thank you for showing me that I need to stay focused on the positive and it is ok how I am feeling about Mom. Sometimes it is hard to speak what is on our mind, out loud. But I always feel safe on this forum, I never feel judged. Thank you, thank you and I hope your Mom is doing better.

Love,,
CAJ

 
Old 06-27-2012, 01:49 PM   #4
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Re: exhausted!

Julie,

My FIL is like your Mom who sits there and does not talk or walk much. He eats pureed food/drink as well. He is in severe stage of Alzheimers. But he is not for hospice yet. Sorry to know that your Mom is near the end. Hope you get to cherish the time with her right now.

Hope your SIL feels better. I know there was a person who was admitted to the hospital for suicide watch. But she was not really suicidal - she just expressed something about wanting to kill herself at the x-ray office for her broken bone. She has a lower leg amputated earlier so she was kind of depressed about the inconvenience and etc. But the technician took it seriously and put her in the hospital ward by calling for help. She was fine when she came out and she is still Ok. She is actually a nurse so this does not mean it is very bad. Maybe your SIL is just depressed and needs therapy.

Hope your husband is not sick seriously. Good luck with his checkup! Praying for your Mom, you, your husband and your SIL and the whole family. God bless you all!

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 06-27-2012 at 01:52 PM.

 
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Old 06-27-2012, 02:50 PM   #5
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Re: exhausted!

I am new to the board but wanted to respond. I am a caregiver to my dad with alzheimer's. He is in middle stage, can do some things for himself and is in pretty good health physically. This disease is stressful, esp on family members& caregivers. I know how you feel not wanting your mom to be living like this! I often wish the same for my dad.

What makes it worse is when we have our own health concerns to deal with too. I will pray that you get some relief. Sounds like a lot of stress to be under.

 
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Old 06-27-2012, 02:51 PM   #6
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Re: exhausted!

I am new to the board but wanted to respond. I am a caregiver to my dad with alzheimer's. He is in middle stage, can do some things for himself and is in pretty good health physically but mentally he is in worse shape than last year at this time. . This disease is stressful, esp on family members& caregivers. I know how you feel not wanting your mom to be living like this! I often wish the same for my dad.

What makes it worse is when we have our own health concerns to deal with too. I will pray that you get some relief. Sounds like a lot of stress to be under.

 
Old 06-27-2012, 03:15 PM   #7
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Re: exhausted!

Welcome to the board Misscath Hope you will post more often. The more the merrier though I wish nobody needed to be here.... or we were talking about a prevention or cure! Is your Dad at home or in a care facility? Hope you are taking time out for yourself. Taking care of yourself is important. I lost my Dad to VD a little over 2 years ago and my Mom is in late stages of Alzheimer's in a memory care locked unit. I know that I wish for relief for my Mom and for me. Hope to hear more from you

Love, deb

 
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