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Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

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Old 05-05-2005, 06:50 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Mr.G HB User
Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

During the last 2-3 weeks I have become aware that I have HPV...visible warts and have started treatment. When I first found out I kinda freaked out and pretty much gave up on a couple of girls I was getting to know because I felt like they would be grossed out. I know this is a very common thing...but to actually talk about it and tell someone you have it is a whole new story. I am worried how this is gonna effect dating, sex and all of that. I have learned my lesson for sure and gonna be more selective and also were protection 100% of time. I was really hitting it off with one of this girls, but when I found out I felt too gross and guilty about trying to keep it going so I kinda flaked out. Are my chances of having a normal healthy realtionship with quality girls over? I am just scared and feel very withdrawn right now. I am very happy though that I tested neg for every other std and this is my wake up call. Well any advice would be great thanks.

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Old 05-06-2005, 07:22 AM   #2
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tattoogirl HB User
Re: Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

Hi there-
I REALLY HEAR/UDERSTAND your dilemma. FYI-condoms are not 100% effective against protecting yourself from HPV. And these "quality girls" you speak you think less of yourself because you have HPV.....are you a "quality" guy still? Well HPV dosn't discriminate and has nothing to do with how good a person is. And there are about 80 different kinds of warts, 10 or so that are veneral and not all HPV infectios are visible, so mant people have it, pass it along, and they are not aware of it. Being honest with people will be hard but give that person an opportunity to make a choice, you never know they may have something to. And from my perspective, if someone is a good human being they are empathetic/sympathetic to your situation. So if someone runs, maybe they weren't worth it to begin with. Good Luck. I know this SUCKS!!!!

Last edited by tattoogirl; 05-06-2005 at 07:24 AM.

Old 05-06-2005, 07:39 AM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 156
Ivana HB User
Re: Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

I completely agree with tattoos....i can understand how you're feeling. I have HPV as well and there's a very good chance i got it from my husband! Does that make me lees of a quality person or my husband... i don't feel so. It's only been 2-3 weeks so it's perfectly normal to have these will see in time you'll feel different. I like what you said about using protection 100% of the's important to protect yourself not only against HPV but all STD's. But like tattos said, unfortunately HPV can be transmitted even if you always use a condom. The virus lives on the skin so it could be anywhere around the penis. Doctors and scientists don't know everything about HPV yet but they do recommend to wait at least until your treatment is completely successful...warts have a tendency to come back. So at least when you know for sure they've all disappeared permanently. The risk of transmitting at the point would be quite low. Hang in there and don't get down on yourself...a quality guy like you deserves a quality girl! Just make sure that your future partners are informed and keep checking yourself for any recurrences.

Old 05-09-2005, 05:10 PM   #4
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Mr.G HB User
Re: Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

Thanks for the replies...I just had a rough weekend because I went out and drank and was so derpressed and feeling gross about myself. I flew a my friend of mine- and a couple of girls to the town were I grew up in. One of the girls has liked me before and she was really excited to come with. Well anyways we went camping and started to drink heavily. As I got more drunk I started to think about how I have ruined everything and kinda sat around the fire being quiet and not being myself...this girl was a bit turned off and started to talk to another guy....I really couldnt handle being around the situation and went on a walk and eventually passed out in the woods. I awoke the next morning and was really confused, tired, hungover and just feeling like absolute crap. The whole next day I was grumpy and didnt really feel liek being nice to anyone. I know I ruined with this girl but I know that I really couldnt go anywhere with it anyways because of my situation. I feel really stuck right now. I am not dealing with this in the right way. I decided that I am gonna stop drinking at least until the warts clear up...because my head is not in the right place now and I dont want to do something irrational. I know once they clear up the virus will still be there and I will have to still be careful; but it will be a lot better for me mentally. I really do think of myself as a quality guy. I have a full time job, go to school full time, getting my commerical pilot;s license and I have always treated girls with respect. I do have problems with seeking perfection of myself and this is one reason why I am having a hard time dealing with it. I realize that this is just going to be a portion of my life that is going to be hard but eventually it will pass. I can say it has humbled me a lot so far. I apoligezed to my friends about the way I was acting over the weekend. I felt really bad about it and was completey out of character. I feel much better now that I am completly sober and well rested. Well I will keep posting to help me through this time...all replies are apprecitated.

Last edited by Mr.G; 05-09-2005 at 05:12 PM.

Old 05-09-2005, 06:46 PM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: America the beautiful
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ladivapr02 HB User
Re: Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

Hello gunther and welcome to the HPV club. It is very common disease but as you say it is wake up call and its good that we learn. Bad news is that yes you will probably transmit the virus to everyone else you get genital contact with (have in mind many guys that dont have warts carry the cervical-HPV virus type and they dont know about it). My advice is that you honestly tell the person you plan to be intimate with that you have been infected. I know it is a tough call but you know people appreciate honesty and if the person really cares about you she will not reject you for having it. I told my bf about before anything happened and he had no problem with it. Again this is the most common std there is and many many people have it and most dont even know they have it. You don't have to feel ashamed of!

Old 05-10-2005, 02:44 PM   #6
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Mr.G HB User
Re: Dating with HPV..I just been diagnosed

lad- Thanks I understand that it is common and everything I just have always had this problem in my life with perfection and self esteem. I know it stemms from my childhood; the way my father raised me...nothing I did was ever good enough for him. Also within in the last 6 months I have had several life events happen to me and getting this just really took me for a whirl. In the last 6 months I hve had;a good friend die, one of my best friends stab me in the back and steal an expensive item from me and try to sell it....and found out that my dad has been cheating on my mom and also continues to lie to everyone in our family about pretty much everything he does..we never know where he is. I have a good backround in pychology and I know that my father raised me the way he did because he was not enjoying his life and tried to mold me into this perfect some ways I appreciate it because I have a die hard work ethic. But I also have a complex where I never feel that I am good enough for anyone...and that everyone looks down on me...just like my father did. I have learned to control these thoughts because I know that it is all within my power. But when I drink too much I lose control of it and think about all the crap stuff that has happend to me and start to wallow in self-pity and have an external view on life were I feel that nothing is within my control. When I am sober and keeping busy I am realitively stable and my self esteem is high. I just wish it did not fluctuate the way it does because demoralizes my character and I know that I am better than that. I know that I can overcome having this virus; it is jsut going to take the right attitude. What keeps me going is knowing that I have tested neg for all other diseases including HIV and that I have learned my lesson. Alcohol is my nemesis; it always distorts my thought is so weird because when I am sober I think back to the way I was thinking when I was drunk and pretty much laugh at myself...but it happens again and again. OK well thanks for the replies and keep them coming; if you guys have any thoughts as to how to control drinking that would help as well. Thanks.

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