Dating someone with HPV - Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Message Board

gymcha · 09-29-2005, 10:58 AM

Hi everyone,

I posted this in another thread but it may have gotten missed since it wasn't the topic.

I just met a girl recently that I really like. It's not a serious relationship yet, but who knows what it could develop into.

She told me she has HPV. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should persue the relationship or not. On one hand, if this woman were my soulmate, it would be an easy choice. There's no guarantee that she is, so I would hate to get the virus and then have to tell every woman I date that I have HPV.

How have people dealt with this?

cincbcat · 09-29-2005, 01:11 PM

Just because you are dating doesn't mean you have to be intimate with each other, especially if you are concerned about transmission of HPV. Remember too, that almost 80% of adults have HPV in one form or another, so chances are somewhere down the road you'll meet another girl who has it, and she may be your soul mate (as you put it). HPV is a very tricky virus and condoms are not a guarantee against contracting it. If this person makes you happy and you want to be intimate with her, I would consider doing some research online for some ways to prevent spreading the virus.
Keep in mind that just because she has HPV, it doesn't mean she has the black plague. She deserves as good a chance as anyone you'll ever meet to try and have a relationship with you. I didn't even know I had the virus because I don't have the strain that causes warts. I learned I had it when my pap smears started coming back abnormal. My husband (who was my fiance at the time I found out) just took it with a grain of salt. He committed himself to becoming more informed about the virus, and once he learned how many sexually active adults actually have it, he was in shock, but understood that it wasn't the end of the world.
I hope I've helped you in some way!

gymcha · 09-29-2005, 03:23 PM

cincbcat - Thank you for responding.

I certainly don't think she has the black plague. She has the strain that causes the abnormal papsmears. That is how she brought it up. I give her credit for being some honest about it with me.

I know I don't have to be intimate with her too. It's tough to imagine not being intimate how how I would go about being "safe" about it. I don't there is a way to avoid getting it other than abstinence.

I guess my problem is that because life is so full of uncertainties, I wouldn't want to contract the virus and potentially pass it on to someone else if things didn't work out with this girl. I could never have sex with someone without telling them I had an STD. I guess because I am aware of her having the STD, it is hard for me to imagine putting myself in a position to contract it.

This girl is a sweetheart, but all my exs were sweethearts too.

As far as I know, I am STD free. I've had blood tests done and I donate blood every 8 weeks. From what I understand from my doctor, any STD that doesn't show up in bloodwork would eventually show symptoms.

cincbcat · 09-30-2005, 09:47 AM

It sounds to me like you are weighing more on the side of not being intimate with her, just based on the fact that if it doesn't work out, you are "branded" for life. I understand that completely. Does this girl know what strain/strains of the virus she has? That would be helpful if she did (for her sake). HPV is considered an STD, but it's not exclusively an STD, there are strains that have nothing to do with sexual activity. I would suggest that you do some serious research on the internet about HPV and all the questions you have about it. I was told I could give blood (I donate too) even though I have HPV because it isn't passed through the bloodstream. If you're looking for a sure-fire way to avoid getting HPV, then do not be intimate, period. And that isn't meant to sound harsh.

healthnut76 · 10-02-2005, 02:41 AM

I just wanted to add that u may already have HPV and not even know it because they don't test men so women just get it from men who don't even know they have it in the first place.