I posted this in another thread but it may have gotten missed since it wasn't the topic.
I just met a girl recently that I really like. It's not a serious relationship yet, but who knows what it could develop into.
She told me she has HPV. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should persue the relationship or not. On one hand, if this woman were my soulmate, it would be an easy choice. There's no guarantee that she is, so I would hate to get the virus and then have to tell every woman I date that I have HPV.
Just because you are dating doesn't mean you have to be intimate with each other, especially if you are concerned about transmission of HPV. Remember too, that almost 80% of adults have HPV in one form or another, so chances are somewhere down the road you'll meet another girl who has it, and she may be your soul mate (as you put it). HPV is a very tricky virus and condoms are not a guarantee against contracting it. If this person makes you happy and you want to be intimate with her, I would consider doing some research online for some ways to prevent spreading the virus.
Keep in mind that just because she has HPV, it doesn't mean she has the black plague. She deserves as good a chance as anyone you'll ever meet to try and have a relationship with you. I didn't even know I had the virus because I don't have the strain that causes warts. I learned I had it when my pap smears started coming back abnormal. My husband (who was my fiance at the time I found out) just took it with a grain of salt. He committed himself to becoming more informed about the virus, and once he learned how many sexually active adults actually have it, he was in shock, but understood that it wasn't the end of the world.
I hope I've helped you in some way!
I certainly don't think she has the black plague. She has the strain that causes the abnormal papsmears. That is how she brought it up. I give her credit for being some honest about it with me.
I know I don't have to be intimate with her too. It's tough to imagine not being intimate how how I would go about being "safe" about it. I don't there is a way to avoid getting it other than abstinence.
I guess my problem is that because life is so full of uncertainties, I wouldn't want to contract the virus and potentially pass it on to someone else if things didn't work out with this girl. I could never have sex with someone without telling them I had an STD. I guess because I am aware of her having the STD, it is hard for me to imagine putting myself in a position to contract it.
This girl is a sweetheart, but all my exs were sweethearts too.
As far as I know, I am STD free. I've had blood tests done and I donate blood every 8 weeks. From what I understand from my doctor, any STD that doesn't show up in bloodwork would eventually show symptoms.
It sounds to me like you are weighing more on the side of not being intimate with her, just based on the fact that if it doesn't work out, you are "branded" for life. I understand that completely. Does this girl know what strain/strains of the virus she has? That would be helpful if she did (for her sake). HPV is considered an STD, but it's not exclusively an STD, there are strains that have nothing to do with sexual activity. I would suggest that you do some serious research on the internet about HPV and all the questions you have about it. I was told I could give blood (I donate too) even though I have HPV because it isn't passed through the bloodstream. If you're looking for a sure-fire way to avoid getting HPV, then do not be intimate, period. And that isn't meant to sound harsh.
I just wanted to add that u may already have HPV and not even know it because they don't test men so women just get it from men who don't even know they have it in the first place.
How could I get tested? If had them, then dating this girl wouldn't be an issue.
I've talked to a close family member and he gave me good advice. He told me that he had dated and had sex with someone who had told him she had herpes. He also told me having an STD doesn't mean anything about anyone's character. I already knew that, but it felt good that continuing a relationship with this girl is not a bad idea.
I have been on another date since I originally posted. I am going to keep seeing her and will just not have sex for the time being.
gym- From what I know HPV is not testable in men unless you ahve symptoms(warts) From the sound of it she does not have the wart strain so there is no possible complication for you. I got warts from HPV and have receanlty cleared them. What I have learned about this virus through tons of research and talking to many doctors in that it is unavoidable if your having sex....and also that around 95% of the ppl that have never have any problems with it. I know I had complications because during the time that I contracted it I was going through a severe derpession which brought my immune system down. Another thing to remeber is that the body supresses the virus and eventually clears itself within a realtively short time frame 6-24 months. This girl sound like a good person since she informed you; a lot of ppl would not even do that. Good luck with your decesion.
Hey!
If you really care about her, do not let it get in the way. i know how she feels. i would HATE for a guy i love to not want to be "with" me because of that. i would feel very ashamed. BUT if you do not really love her. don't . it is not worth it unless you care for her. but don;t treat it as thuogh it'll kill you.it won't .
I know your post was awhile back, but I am interested in what your decision was? I am in a similar situation, but things are much further along than your relationship was when you posted. Thanks.
hey well i don't know wat to tell you...you see im in the same position just backwards...i'm the one that has it and i'm dating someone that doesn't but i told him.....now he talks h=just like you...he don't want to give it to someone if we don't last....but one thing is this...good things don't come along every so often...somwtimes in life u just have to have faith and put your trust in god....wat if you let her go rite and then u sleep with someone else and they give you aids?....or herpes?...wat u gonna do then...atleast this virus is nothing....my doctor even said it's a piece of cake...it makes u know wat lifes all about and who trully cares about u..now if u don't want to be sexually intimate wit her..then tell her ..but don't stop seeing her...she could turn out to be ur soul mate or something..let me ask you something...when u look into her eyes wat do u feell?..when u hold her?...when u guys kiss?...does she make u feel better when ur down?..does she help u when u need her?...does she show wifey material?.....is she hard working educated and a good hearted person that makes u feel comfterble in any circumstance?..does she not care bout how u look on ur worst days?...do u guys have a lot of the same things in common?.....all these things u have to ask urself...if u answer yes to them allllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!! then she sounds like a keeper and u would be very stupid to let her go!!!...she can stiilll give u kids and have a great life with her....don't let this virus stand in your way...life is too short...might as well be happy while we on earth man ..cause eventually we all gonna die...so just take this into consideration..i would reallly like to hear wat ur decision was...oh and another thing..if she doesn't make u feel this way then let her go..cause u just holding her back from letting someone else be in her life that will take her as is!!!!!!! ....best of luck!!!
you're all right - most people have some form of hpv - if she has the kind that only causes abnormal paps it's not a big deal! you've more than likely already slept with someone else out there that has had it, and unless you have test and they swab your penis up and send it to the lab you're never gonna know you have it! it's not that big of a deal!
you're all right - most people have some form of hpv - if she has the kind that only causes abnormal paps it's not a big deal! you've more than likely already slept with someone else out there that has had it, and unless you have test and they swab your penis up and send it to the lab you're never gonna know you have it! it's not that big of a deal!
actually there is no hpv test for men unless they got the wart type. Even if a man goes for a full std scan, hpv is undetectable. Only women know through their pap smears.
actually there is no hpv test for men unless they got the wart type. Even if a man goes for a full std scan, hpv is undetectable. Only women know through their pap smears.
i've been told by both the doctors and the nurses that it can be done i disagree - thanks
Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-13-2006 at 08:18 PM.
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i've been told by both the doctors and the nurses that it can be done i disagree - thanks
for real?? well that is great news!! You got to tell that to more people, because everybody has been educated that there is not hpv testing for men who are carriers of the hpv-cervical type strands. i will ask my gyn about that in my appt next month. Can you tell us what is the test they use do to detect hpv cervical types strands in men? So any man can go to any clinic in america and ask for hpv testing and can get a result? Please tell me more about this.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-13-2006 at 08:19 PM.
Reason: Quote edited.
