Hi. I'm new to the board and am pretty devastated. I have been with one guy (now my exbf) for the past 4 years, though I've had other bfs before him. We broke up in April and I was diagnosed with HPV this past October. I was so upset about that and have been having acid treatments done to take away warts (that could only be seen with a microscope) Anyway, I met up with my ex one night a few weeks ago and wound up having sex with him which was the biggest mistake I ever made for so many reasons. He also performed oral sex on me and I developed two sores a few days later - I always remembered him getting cold sores every now and then but didn't see any that night at all. I freaked out after seeing the sores and went to the gyn, got a culture and was diagnosed with HSV1. I can't help feeling so angry towards him - we're not getting back together, he wants to be "friends" with me but has no idea what he's done.
I have so many questions at this point - am I supposed to tell him about this - is it my duty to so that he could watch himself with other girls in the future? I honestly never want to talk to him again. Is it possible that he gave it to me before and I never had an outbreak or did I really get it from that night since the sores came out a few days after? I feel like since I was being treated for the HPV, I was more suceptible to getting this.
How often do people get outbreaks with HSV1? My 1st was only 2 sores and they say that the 1st is the worst - is this true? I've been seeing a holistic gyn and she's been building up my immune system with vitamins.
I hate the thought of having to tell someone in the future that I have TWO STD's. I'm honestly the least promiscuous girl I know and was even a virgin till I was 23! I just can't believe that this happened to me and he's off with a new girlfriend already... I'm dealing with this all alone since he has no idea.
Can someone tell me what their experience is with HSV1? Sorry for the general tone of this post, but I'm really depressed and angry and mad at myself for allowing that night to happen when all I wanted from him in the 1st place was closure from our relationship - I got no closure at all but instead got this virus to deal with for the rest of my life on top of the HPV, which I was just learning to accept and which I also feel came from him, too. I told my friends about the HPV, but can't bring myself to mention the HSV at all.
Last edited by jaylite; 01-06-2006 at 09:07 PM.
Reason: change in title
I know just how you feel about not wanting to tell anyone. I don't have HSV1, but my ex-husband gave me HSV2 (without ever telling me he even had it). I think that's the worst thing you can do to someone. It is hard as heck to tell someone for fear they will break up with you, never speak to you again, or worse tell others! But, I'd still rather let someone know than keep it from them. I've had one initimate relationship since my divorce and I told him before things got serious. It was his choice to be with me. Unfortunately, our relationship ended recently (for other reasons, not my having HSV2). I'm still struggling with getting over him. I found it amazing that he was willing to accept that about me and we had a great sex life. Now, I'm worried about being able to find someone else who'll love me and want to be with me after they learn I have HSV2.
I consider myself very lucky. My OBs have never been that bad. You are right about the first....my first OB hurt like crazy. But, once I learned what it was and what the signs of an impending OB where (the tingling, itching in that area), I go ahead and start my Valtrex. That nips things in the bud before the OB gets painful.
Also, the longer you have it the more infrequent the OBs will become. I believe that's the same with HSV1, too. From reading this board, I learned about supplements like garlic oil and lysine that help your immune system. I truly believe in garlic oil. I take at least one every day.
When you have time, check out the other posts. They are extremely helpful and you hang in there. I wish you all the best!!!
Thanks for your reply, Littlebo. It does help to read other people's posts...I just hope I can stop crying about this every time I think about it. I was just diagnosed yesterday so I guess it will take some time... Does anyone else have both of these STDs??
HPV is very common...seven out of ten people have it, according to my Gyno. According to him, if you have an abnormal pap smear then you have it? That's just what he said but from what I've read that's not always true. But most people that are sexually active have HPV, it's just that most don't even know it.
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First of all...it sure is possible that he gave it to you without you ever having an outbreak. So dont blame yourself, without pointing fingers if you do the math, it seems you have your answer. That happened to me! My ex gave it to me, but it was a long time before I ever had my first outbreak. I had my first outbreak at the end of our relationship.
I got it from him because he was viral shedding the virus ( this means he had no signs of it, but the virus was on his skin and I got it ). He later confided in me that he had herpes, but did not think to tell me because he never knew anyone could catch it unless he had a sore. ( It makes sense he said that because before I got herpes, I was under the impression that someone had to have a visible sore to transmit it...I know better now ).
Lots of people have both HPV and HSV. As a matter of fact one of my best friend has both! She was taken to emerg while out on a date with a wonderful guy because she could not urinate and was in agony....turns out she was diagnosed that night in the hospital with a primary o/b of herpes and also they told her she had HPV. ( In the months to follow, she had to have several treaments to burn the HPV, but they couldn't do anything during her herpes o/b's so it was a very bad time for her in her life ).
Anyway, back to my story....The nice guy stayed in the waiting room of the hospital, and later drove her home. After that night, she avoided him and refused to take his calls, not because he gave it to her,but because she could never face him....she just ended a relationship with her ex and it was the ex that gave it to her. But, the outcome and moral of this story is that the '' nice guy'' pursued her, and never gave up on her.
She finally told him what she was diagnosed with on the night of their first date and he said '' so , that wont stop me from wanting to see you,''. They are now happily married! And a few years later when I got diagnosed, I was crying my eyes out one night to both of them and said '' you will never understand what I am going through''....and I told them my story....this is when they told me their story. I would never have know that my girlfriend had both HPV and HSV because she was so happily married!
I dont know if I am allowed to name the dating sites on here, so I wont take a chance, but there are dating sites for people like us, and if you read the profiles, you will be surprised to see how many people have both.
So you dry those tears...and in time....things will get better for you. Until then, stay on the boards and the sites and try to learn as much as you possibly can about your situation. I found that the boards helped me so much more than the doctors ever did! Take care of yourself, it may be hard in the beginning for you, but anytime you feel confused or have a question, you just log on. Big Hug to you!
Thanks, ohcanada! I've never been on a message board before, and am so happy to see how supportive everyone is... It's so comforting through bad times like this! I'm trying my best to just put all of this in the back of my mind and go on living my life as normal as possible and not obsess over it. It's not like I'm looking to get into a relationship right now anyway - I'm still dealing with getting over my last one! When that time comes, hopefully I'll see how often I get an OB and will know better what to tell the guy. The good things are that I know that HPV is common - honestly every girl I know has it (maybe since I live in a large city?) anyway, it has been known to have the possibility of reversing itself if you keep a watch on it. Yes, it will always be a virus living inside the body just like HSV, but if I keep my immune system strong, the dysplasia can eventually disappear and I've known people who say that their paps have been coming back normal each year after being diagnosed with it years ago. As for the HSV, since I have HSV1, my doctor said I may never get another OB since that type is more common to appear orally than genitally - but this I'm not sure about. I just have to wait and see when my 2nd OB appears - if at all. The 1st was almost a month ago, so I'm on the lookout!