Hi. Iíve given advice a few times here, but havenít really asked for any before so here goes.
I started dating a new woman this month. We've gone out about 6 times and are starting to get physical. We almost ended up in the bedroom tonight, but we decided to wait a little longer. Iím pretty sure she'll want to have sex the next time we're together. Hereís the thing. I found out I had hpv 5 years ago. I had one wart, had it removed, and havenít had any issues since. Iíve been with several women and all but 1 were totally fine with it. Iím afraid to tell the current one because for some reason, I get the impression it might be an issue for her. This is the first woman Iíve really liked this much in years and Iím really afraid sheís going to bail on me. I know I have to tell her though. Like I said, I really like her a lot and Iím scared she wont want to deal with it. Any advice on how to handle the fear involved with this situation or any other comments/advice would be appreciated.
You need to tell her. Some cases of HPV can cause cervical cancer in women. It is something she needs to know so that if she does choose to take that next step with you she can be careful and have her yearly pap done.
First of all, let me say that I commend you for wanting to do the right thing and be honest with this girl! Most guys would probably just have sex and not care who they put at risk! Second, you HAVE to tell her! HPV is very dangerous for women because they say it's the #1 cause of cervical cancer in young women! That said, just sit her down and tell her the truth. After that, it really is up to her if she wants to still see you or not. But if she really likes you a lot, she should be open about this and the two of you can use condoms (which you should be doing anyway) and that may protect her from infection. But condoms are not 100% guaranteed, so she may still be scared to have sex with you. That's just something you have to be prepared to face and if it's not meant for you two to be together, better to find out now than later! Who knows? As common as this virus is, she may have the same thing herself and will be relieved to hear it from you. Lots of people carry this virus and don't even know it. And even when you're symptom free, I think you can still pass it along to others, so you have to be careful! Just talk to her and see how it goes. I wish you the best of luck and please let us all know how things go!
Thanks for the replies. I wasnt questioning whether or not to tell her. I tell absolutely everyone Im sexual with as soon as things start to go below the belt. Im just worried about her reaction. For the first time in a long time, I really like this woman and Im afraid of what her reaction is going to be. She seems to like me enough that it will be ok, but you never know. Yeah, who knows, she might turn around and say that shes dealt with it already. Ill let you know what happens.
HPV is very common. Whether people want to believe it or not, they likely have been exposed to it at some point in their life, or will be.
As far as your situation goes, fear of the unknown is your worst enemy. Before you tell her, make sure you have plenty of information about it so she can make an *informed* decision. You might try and get something off the net, look for a .org or .gov std info site. I find these types of sites are more factual than .com sites. You could probably find something you can print out and give to her to read for herself.