Right after my colpo and biopsy confirmed that I in fact have HPV I contacted my last sexual partner to inform him because we had had unprotected sex a few times. I apologized profusely and he was very quiet about it. This weekend (20 days after I told him) he emails me and basically said he A) doesn't believe me and that I am making it up to make him feel bad that we broke up B) can't believe I ruined his life if i do infact have it.
I know he is a jerk for saying this to me. And I know I shouldn't even respond to him. He just has so many facts wrong in his email about HPV - clearly not doing research and sticking with misinformation. What hurts the most is that I am dealing with living with this that I may have infected someone I care about and he doesn't even want to believe. I don't know what to do! I feel so terrible, yet so enraged at the same time.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation or have any advice?
He's just as likely to have been the one that infected you rather than the other way around. Send him links to some reputable webpages that have facts about HPV so he can educate himself.
Since almost all sexually active people have HPV anyway, I probably wouldn't have written to him in the first place. But now that you have, tell him that almost everyone has HPV but you just wanted to be upfront.
He's just as likely to have been the one that infected you rather than the other way around..
Since almost all sexually active people have HPV anyway, I probably wouldn't have written to him in the first place.
Exactly! I too am dealing with my new diagnosis and have decided to not tell the ex. We were in a 5 year relationship and lets just say to put it nicely, he was quite the ladies man. I was diagnosised about 4 1/2 months after we seperated & during my first OB visit, I was about 6 weeks pregnant.
I'm sure you don't need the added stress, I probaby would send him the links & leave it at that.
When I initially told him I advised him that most people already have some forms of hpv and sent him some resources. I told him at that point I really didn't want anything from him, but that he should know just to be safe - whether he or i ended up being the carrier. but i don't think he has bothered to do any research and really wish that i had just kept my mouth shut.
I didn't bother tellling my ex either.
I figure that he gave it to me, since he, as well, was quite the ladies man. But, even if he did, it seems that EVERYONE gets it...so, well, I figure it's not worthwhile to tell him.
I would also send him some information about HPV, so he knows that NO, you did NOT in fact ruin his life.
in my opinion, i would leave it at that. you've told him and if he doesn't want to believe or blame, that's on him...you did your job by being honest. just let it go
i decided to be honest because i sincerely cared for my ex. when we broke up about a year later, he told me "i can't believe you ruined my life" that was the blow of all blows. to get shot down for honesty? to this day i do wish that i hadn't said anything...but i did what i thought i should do and that meant telling him...
oh and in the end, he is now marrying the girl that he cheated on me with.
My husbands nephew... this reminds me of him. He's been with his girlfriend for 6 years...they have 2 children together. I guess last year she confided in him that she had HPV....and he's treated her like she's evil ever since. "I was ready to marry her.... and now she's done THIS! I don't think I could ever trust her!!" boo hoo. I want to know if he's only mad because now he thinks he can't go fool around on her, or leave her for someone else, or what.... I asked him....whats the big deal. HPV is bad for WOMEN... it can cause cervical cancer, and well...he doesn't have a cervix... but of course he said it was the PRINCIPLE of the matter.
Like the other poster said... he probably had it before he ever met her..he was very sexually active as a teen ager...etc.
shoot...I have it...and I've only ever been with ONE person... my husband...
Send that guy some links to some good websites....and call it a day.
".... I asked him....whats the big deal. HPV is bad for WOMEN... it can cause cervical cancer, and well...he doesn't have a cervix... but of course he said it was the PRINCIPLE of the matter"
Ha, and the principle of the matter is that he most likely gave it to her! Self important jerks like that make me mad. How is it that men can coast through the high risk types with only rare implications, and yet we women get blamed, chastised, beaten down, degraded, humiliated (and sometimes DIE) for SOMETHING THEY GAVE TO US!!! I feel bad for the girl that's with him. I hope she's strong.
Oh yeah, and for all of you girls out there who's ex-guys are telling you "thanks for ruining my life", I'd send them a message back saying "THANKS FOR SCREWING UP MINE YOU DUMB CARRIER!"
Oh oh, I'm feeling a little nasty today. So out of character for me. Sorry girls.
Last edited by karen32; 07-03-2006 at 01:27 PM.
Reason: added more
Well right before my LEEP procedure I was feeling really angry and bitchy. So I wrote him a nasty email about how he doesn't get to treat me like **** and blame me for something that he could have very well given to me. I sent him several links and information about HPV, and I haven't heard from him since.
To be honest, it was a pretty bad break up to begin with - so this whole thing has probably escalated our issues with each other. But now after my LEEP I kind of feel like now that the leisons are gone, maybe he can finally be gone too.
I understand what you are going through. It's not easy telling someone. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year, but didn't start sleeping together until December 2005. I was diagnosed in February 2006 with HPV and an abnormal pap (followed by a colpo, a LEEP, another colpo scheduled for 7/21 to just check the results) It had been over a year since I had been with anyone else, and I had never had an abnormal pap before (and at 35, I've been having paps for 17 years now!!) ... Neither one of us are certain if he is a carrier, but we are just assuming that he is .... at first he totally freaked out. And broke up with me. But after three weeks he came back. Now I'm not saying that happens to everyone. Or that you would want it to .. since your ex is history and good riddance if he was a total jerk like that ! But I was more than a bit anxious about the diagnosis and so was he ... I think at first we were both under the impression that only "trampy" women got HPV .. oh boy were we ever wrong!! Even my boss's sister is going through the same thing. And our company's CPA ... the more I discuss it with others .. the more I find out! Anyway .. just wanted to say that alot more people have this than you think ... and a whoooooole lot more men have it ... and since they have no symptoms ... they don't believe they could have it!!!!