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Old 04-20-2007, 01:02 AM   #1
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Question HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and 2 months now. We use to have a good sex life before I found out I have HPV in February. With HPV you can't have sex at all, not even oral. Only touching and rubbing. It's killing my relationship and sex drive/life. Masturbating each other is getting so old. It's like there's no spark anymore. I don't know what to do about it. It's depressing me and I'm becoming distant from my boyfriend because I feel unattractive and dirty. I also feel guilty for possibly giving him HPV. He says he loves me just the same but I don't feel the same. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend anymore and I don't want him to suffer because of me. What do I do?

 
Old 04-20-2007, 06:39 AM   #2
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

Hi...
Im not sure who told you that you cant have sex with HPV, but that is not true at all.

First HPV is transmitted by skin to skin contact, so if you have been with your bf before being dx with HPV he most likely already has it and may even be the one who gave it to you. If you have the dysplasia or warts taken care of and take care of yourself the virus can clear or go into remission. There are different medical opinions about this so you need to speak to your dr. If you have the strain that causes cervical dysplasia you may or may not also have one of the strains that causes warts. Your dr can tell you which type you have.

Men can carry the virus without ever showing any symptoms, but from what i understand they can be tested. The latest statisitics that i have read states that 85% of the population have HPV and dont even know it.

I know you also post on the cervical board, that is where you will get the most up to date info.

Hope this helps

Last edited by Aryes517; 04-20-2007 at 06:40 AM.

 
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Old 04-20-2007, 06:57 AM   #3
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

As the previous poster already said, it's very untrue that you can't have sex b/c of HPV.

In alot of cases HPV clears up on it's own. My sister was told she had HPV when she was about 18 (now 26). I don't know specifically which stran she had.. but every pap after that came back regular.. and every STD test after that came back negative. No signs of HPV.

It's very likely that your BF is the one that gave it to you, or already has it. Guys basically show no signs of this STD.. they're just carriers.

So you're sex life doesn't have to end. I understand your feelings of being dirty and feeling guilty.. but your emotions are more of the problem then the HPV itself. Just follow through with appointments, do some research.. and you'll see that you're sex life doens't end here!

 
Old 04-20-2007, 08:10 AM   #4
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I agree with the others.

You have been terribly mis-informed! If you and your bf were having any sexual relations before your diagnosis, I will guarantee you 99.99999% that he already has it. And for all you know, he's the one who gave it to you. One of you had to come into the relationship with it (it doesn't just spring up on its own) so the other partner was probably infected right away, and it only took until Feb for it to show up on your PAP.

You should probably read up about HPV, how it's transmitted, how common it is, etc., etc.

Please feel free to return to your normal sexual activities, stop feeling 'dirty' and don't worry for a second about having given it to him (or vice versa), it's too common an STD to be thinking that, and it's already done.

 
Old 04-20-2007, 12:18 PM   #5
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

Like the others said, there is NO REASON you two can't have sex...especially since you already have.

My ex-girlfriend told me she had HPV, and her doc said for us to continue normally as we always have.

Skarn

 
Old 04-20-2007, 10:46 PM   #6
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

Well then I was misinformed from my Doctor. She told me I shouldn't have sex at all. Also, I have the HPV that's high risk for cervical cancer. I haven't been to the GYN to take care of my moderate dysplasia yet. I have an appointmet for April 26th. So.. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I've been told so many different things about it! I also asked my doctor if I could re-infect myself with the same strand of HPV I already have and she said absolutely. Ahhh!!

 
Old 04-20-2007, 10:55 PM   #7
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

Are you serious???

That's just crazy. What kind of doctor is she? Maybe you should pick up some pamphlets at a clinic and give them to her. Sheesh!

Is it possible she was trying to scare you? Keep you from having sex?

Regardless, that's practically malpractice. Okay, not really, but it's pretty poor doctoring at the very least.

 
Old 04-20-2007, 11:10 PM   #8
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I have another question also. If my boyfriend likely already has HPV because we did have unprotected sex several times before I was diagnosed with it, then is it ok if we both give each other oral sex? Or will it get worse or anything?

 
Old 04-21-2007, 07:50 AM   #9
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

You cannot re-infect yourselves, pass it back and forth, or make it worse with repeated exposure to the same strain. Once you have a particular strain, you have it (although most immune systems will eventually clear the 'infection').

 
Old 04-21-2007, 12:13 PM   #10
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I agree with Thisby! I would find a new Dr. ASAP! Thats horrible and i would think borders on malpractice. Her information is just plain WRONG.

I don't know how old you are but i have a 17 year old daughter who is going to the gyno for the first time next month, she knows i have HPV and i have told her all about it and i have also told my 23 year old son. They have the correct information should they ever need it. It's unfortunate that you have been so upset due to wrong and misleading information.

I have the strain that causes cervical dysplasia that can lead to cervical cancer and as long as I stay on top of it I will be fine and so will you and your boyfriend will have no issues as long as you only have the strain that casues dysplasia and even if you have the other strains that can cause warts, he still might not ever have any warts appear. Just make sure you go to your appointment and get this taken care of.

Feel free to ask any questions that you have. You will get the RIGHT information here.

Take care

 
Old 04-21-2007, 05:18 PM   #11
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

Well, I've informed my boyfriend of the information that I learned from this site. He still says the Dr. is right and that we shouldn't have sex.

This is so annoying!!

Who can I go to for the right answers?!

 
Old 04-21-2007, 07:30 PM   #12
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I truly am sorry you are having such a hard time getting accurate information.

You really need to find another Dr, go to a clinic or go back to the cervical/ovarian board and reread some of the posts.

As for your boyfriend, I'm sure he is worried about you and scared for himself, but the information that you have received here is correct. I have no idea why your Dr is giving you misleading advice, but you need to find a Dr that you can trust and who will provide you with correct information.

I have done extensive research on this and have access to Dr's who are experts in HPV as well as Dr's at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC and all have told me what i have passed on to you. They have confirmed what the other ladies have told you as well. It is what it is, no more no less then a virus that once you have it you have it until it clears, when that might be no one is 100% sure. BUT you have to stay on top of it....get your paps and have the procedures to take care of the dysplasia until the time that you test negative for the HPV virus.

Hope this helps

 
Old 04-21-2007, 11:44 PM   #13
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I've been doing more research online with my boyfriend and we came across a site that had information about having the moderate dysplasia with HPV. It's a bad idea to have sex with dysplasia because it could higher your chances of getting cancer. However it is true that you can't re-pass the strand you already have back-and-forth to each other because your immune system will build up for that strand. Still, I think I just need to call a GYN and ask some questions to be 100%

 
Old 04-22-2007, 07:10 AM   #14
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

I agree, I think you should call a dr to be sure. I think you should see a different dr for a second opinion and if not then at the very least a consultation.

You have to be careful with doing research on internet sites some of them have the wrong information and are not connected with a dr or organization that would have the correct and most up to date information.

I had severe dysplasia and i had a LEEP. After each procedure, i let my body heal for the recommened amount of time, 6 weeks was what my dr said and then i was fine to do whatever i wanted.

I dont know what site that you were looking at that said having sex with dysplasia would higher your risk of cancer but in all my research i have NEVER seen that or been told that and just a FYI, im 42 and i would never take chances with my health just for the sake of having sex.

Good luck!

Last edited by Aryes517; 04-22-2007 at 07:11 AM.

 
Old 04-22-2007, 05:13 PM   #15
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Re: HPV= No Sex Life=My Relationship With My Boyfriend Is Dying

Yes, definitely find a NEW doctor. My sister (and some friends) have had HPV for somewhere around 7-10 years and their sex lives have been completely normal. All had the strain that causes cervical cancer. They had the LEEP, abstained from sex for 5 weeks after, then went back to having sex with their SO's with no problems. If you are masterbating each other, you can still spread the virus between body fluids on the hands.....it's highly contagious, so going to crazy lengths to avoid sexual contact with one another is unrealistic and a little ridiculous.

P.S. Up to 10 years later, my friends' husbands never showed any symptoms from HPV (even though they have it), and none of the girls have had any more abnormal pap smears. Seriously, this is not the end of the world.

 
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