HPV and Dating...need advice - Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Message Board

asilgirl33 · 06-03-2007, 11:21 PM

Hello Everyone,

Well, as luck would have it, I've just met a new man that I really like and who likes me, and eventually we will have to have "the talk" about me and my HPV

I'm nervous because I fear that this will send him running away after using phrases like, "I have an STD", "precancerous cells", "dysplasia", "CIN III", "LEEP", "vaginal warts", NOT very sexy. But at the same time I'm okay with it because it will be better to know where he stands now then later when/if we become too attached.

My question? When and how should I bring this up? Do I really need to give all the "lovely details"? Or just go on a "need to know basis"? We've already had a second date with a third scheduled for this week. I want to be up front about this. Any suggestions?

Thank you all very much!

Asilgirl33

LAgirl81 · 06-03-2007, 11:53 PM

Hi there Asilgirl,

I have thought about this myself and if I were you, I'd try not to let the fact that you have HPV hinder your future relationships.

When I was diagnosed with HPV high risk a year and a half ago, I had just started dating my current boyfriend-- and at the time of my diagnosis, we'd only been dating a month. Naturally upon hearing of my diagnosis I freaked out and called him immediately to let him know. Luckily for me, he is a medical student so he had the knowledge surrounding this STD to know the facts and not go running for the hills. And it was he who calmed me down and was my support and rock for the the entire time we've been together-- I think going through this emotional rollercoaster with HPV and dysplasia has better helped me see how great a guy he really is. So you could definitely use this as a way to see how serious he is about you and how much he likes you. It is actually a good way to test the guy!

When you're ready to talk to him, don't throw words around like "std" and "warts"-- terms that would scare most people away! Rather, I would mention to him that you've been having cervical health problems (whatever they are specifically) due to a VERY common virus. If he asks for details (and hopefully he's an informed adult and has heard of this virus), remember to stress the COMMON frequency of this virus-- that at least 80% of sexually active people will contract at least one strain of it, but it's only that some types of the virus will lead to these cervical changes-- all of which are easily treated. I would try not to get emotional while you're telling him this (which I did but luckily it turned out ok for me!) and just state the facts.

LAgirl81 · 06-03-2007, 11:59 PM

Oops sorry I didn't mean to post yet! Just some final thoughts:

Just remember to not sound like it's some malignant, life-altering disease. Keeping in mind (for yourself) how *prolific* this virus is will better help contextualize your talk, when you decide to have it with him. And remember, just because you know you have HPV by having been tested doesn't mean that you don't know for sure that *he* doesn't have it (as there's no test for men).

I hope this helps! Try not to let this STD affect your social life. At first it was hard for me to situate it, but now that I understand just *how* common it is makes me realize it should have no bearing on dating and relationships. If anything (like I said previously), it'll better help you determine the what quality of guy he is and just how serious he is about you. Good luck with that conversation-- I know it's not easy to do, but I'm sure if he's as good a guy as you mentioned, then he'll stick with you! Let us know how it goes!

asilgirl33 · 06-05-2007, 10:40 PM

Hey Lagirl

Thank you for your sound advice. I really needed to hear that

I'll be taking things one day at a time!

Enjoy the rest of your week.

Asilgirl

asilgirl33 · 06-21-2007, 11:03 PM

Hello there , ladies!!!

I have an update on my dating situation.

There was alot of anxiety surrounding the reveal of my HPV status with the new guy I started seeing. Well, tonight we talked about it and he wasn't even phased by the information. In fact, he had an ex-girlfriend with the same condition. So this is really a weight lifted from my shoulders

I will keep you posted!

Asilgirl33