gorgikin

Hey : )

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. In fact, I think every woman posting in here can. I have been there myself. My nightmare started in 2005, and I have not really waken up from it since. The only comforting words I have to offer is the feeling of a dark cloud looming never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with it in time. I can remember how much I use to dread having to go in. It felt like I was constantly going in, putting on a gigantic paper towl, and having someone scrape away at my cervix. Personally, not my idea of a good time. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the endless, constant, freaking waiting they seem to LOVE to put you through.
Its like, okay, you have abnormal cells we will have to take a closer look at and possibly do some biopsies on. See you in a couple weeks. Happy stressing. Then the dreaded day comes, but do they offer you any sort of relief or answers. OH HECK NO! Instead you get slapped with, okay, we will get back to you in a couple weeks with the results. Lovely, back to stressing we go. Then the flippen results come in, and its holy heck, things just went from super crappy to worse. Swell. Then comes the treatment, oh joy oh joy and guess what?? MORE WAITING. Then that dreaded day finally comes, and by this time you pretty much know the drill. Yes, now its back to waiting once again for those results. Does it end there??? No. For some women it means more treatment, more waiting, more stressing. For others it means waiting for a couple weeks for a check up to make sure everything is healing properly. Then its back to waiting a few months for a follow up pap. Then its waiting for those results. Then its waiting for the next follow up pap...always waiting.....

It does get easier as time goes by, at least it has for me, and its not because anything has changed...the waiting and the stress level is the same....but somehow...you have to find a way to deal with it. Its been 2 years since my LEEP, and the saga still continues for me. I have been having troubles that landed me in a urologists office. I just had a urine cytology done, and am of course waiting for those results. On Friday the 13th (just my luck) I will be having my first CAT SCAN. So I am waiting for that, and of course know I will be waiting for those results. I am also waiting for my cystoscopy. Waiting for my repap in August. It all sucks, but I have found a way to deal with it. This boards really really helps. I can't even begin to say what kind of comfort comes with talking to women who are either going down the road you are on, or are just about to. Friends and family are priceless, but if they have not been through this themselves, it may be difficult for them to understand just how hard it really is. Everyone here knows. Everyone here can relate. Everyone here needs support, and everyone here wants to help others the best they can.

Welcome to the board. Vent away. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you luck with your appointments. My only advice is try to keep yourself busy in between appointments. Until the results come in there is nothing that can be done but stress, and trust me, you are going to need that energy for later.

Hugs & best wishes to you, please keep us posted on what is happening!!