HPV+ after abnormal pap - Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Message Board

aloneintx · 08-11-2007, 08:40 PM

I need to know if I should to tell my husband that I am HPV+...We've been married for 15 years...together 17...I never cheated...He has cheated twice over the years that I know about...my paps have always been negative....I went to a new ob/gyn this year...getting appointmentts with my old doctor was almost impossible....needed to schedule appointments over 8 months in advance.

After a very difficult pregnancy 8 years ago, I just cannot believe that this has been dormant that long and it did not show up then when I was extremely stressed and all kinds of medical problems were going on. I believe that he has cheated again and this is how I caught it.

I go in for a consult with the nurse next week and a colposcopy on september 13. I am upset about the whole thing..and dealing with it alone. I am extremely embarrased in sharing this with anyone...and a little concerned about what will be happening in the next few weeks.

Your opinions would be greatly appreciated.

maryjane1984 · 08-12-2007, 12:06 AM

I was just diagnosed as well and I am 23. I would certainly tell him. What is the worse that could happen? Not sure how your relationship is with him, but if you DO tell him it with either a) make him a bit sympathetic toward you, or b) just inform him. He obviously is a carrier so you shouldn't feel "bad" or "guilty". If you don't tell him I could see more bad consequences than if you did. Go with your gut feeling, though. Good luck, it is no fun hearing that kind of news, I know. But at least you KNOW and can do things to keep it at bay, etc. I know it's frustrating...I got it and I only had one more shot of gardisil to get! don't know if having this would have prevented my results from being negative, but it would have been nice to know.

Good luck, and just be sure to take care of YOU mentally and physically.

shnarfer · 08-12-2007, 12:40 PM

Hi there. I would tell your husband. I have been married 7 years and found out about my HPV (plus the fact that I had developed CIN III on my cervix) last year. They didn't even do a biopsy when I had the colposcopy done because my cervix looked like a mess. Had the LEEP done (I had a wonderful surgeon who had a lot of experience with this sort of thing and only does them under full anesthesia- a MUST) and now I have not only been getting normal Paps since the surgery last year, but am now testing negative for HPV- which is totally awesome. So I am on a roll health-wise.

My husband, when I told him last year was upset, but more over his concern for me and my health- although I know it did freak him out a bit. Let's face it, no one likes to be told they have a virus. Either way, nowadays, neither of us really think about it. The fact is, men rarely develop anything from HPV. I know he both appears and says he isn't worried at all about it. His main fuss was waiting those few weeks after the surgery to have sex. :-)

My advice would be tell him, and tell some other friends you trust- don't be embarrassed. I know I WAS embarrassed for months, but found the more I talked about it with friends, the more support I had- and the more people I found out about also having HPV- including my best friend who is now going through what I went through last year.

The reality is the virus could have come from either one of us- or we could both have been carriers with multiple strains as we had multiple partners prior to our marriage. In some ways this whole event made me feel more involved with life- taking on new sports I had been afraid of, etc. After the surgery I felt that I really needed to be less afraid of silly, trivial things and take advantage of life. So that is the one upside to all of this.

Anyway, most of this isn't really helpful for your question, but just thought I 'd throw it out there.
Ciao-
The Shnarfer

heyrob22 · 08-12-2007, 04:31 PM

I too, recently found out I am HPV+. My husband and I have been married for 26 years, both of us have been faithful. However, we were not virgins when we married. This virus can lay dormant for years plus your own body at times can fight it off but it can also reoccur. There are many strains of HPV, some you will develop genetial warts others are the precurser for cervical cancer. Before you go for your consult with your nurse write down your questions and take them with you. Ask her if they know what strain you have.
You should tell your husband you are HPV+. You said he has been unfaithful in the past and you feel this is how you contracted the virus, if so he is a carrier and needs to know.
I had an abnormal pap result recently (ASC-US) and had a colposcopy/biopsy done last Monday and I am still waiting for the results. The Dr. said I would spot for a few days. I cramped and spotted for six days. The biopsy for me wasn't too bad, a lot of cramping, just remember to do your lamaze breathing during the procedure. Also, do a search on the web for HPV and read and learn as much as you can. You will find out you are not alone with this.

Good luck to you...

aloneintx · 08-12-2007, 08:29 PM

Thanks for the kind words. The cheating happened early on in our marriage. Even though we worked things out, I still wonder now if I have been naive in thinking that he has been faithful for the pat 10 years now that I am HPV+. I just can't help thinking that it would have showed up many years ago. The reason I am considering not telling is because it does not cause any medical issues with him.....so now he knows...so what? I obviously do not have the wart kind, I have none...I took a good look down there and there is nothing. He has nothing either...(good news/bad news). I'm going to call the nurse tomorrow....When she told me about the HPV...I don't think I heard all the conversation...It was a long one and she may have told me about the level of my PAP, but I was just so devasted about the HPV I don't remember anything else....I will still think about to tell or not to tell...I don't think our marriage will survive this time if he confesses that he has strayed again.
Thanks for your thoughts...It is really helping me think thru this...