The Psychological Issues of Having an STD - Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Message Board

April7 · 04-16-2008, 07:55 AM

This isn't something I've seen lots of people talking about, but it's something that I'm struggling with.

I was diagnosed about a week ago, but know nothing other than I tested positive and had an abnormal pap. I'm going in for a colposcopy and biopsy on the 13th of May.

Since I have been diagnosed, I've been feeling scared, down, etc. I haven't wanted to have any sexual contact with my fiance. He is upset by this diagnosis but he's still "in the mood," whereas I have this weird "Don't touch me" kind of reaction.

I'm just not dealing very well. Has anyone else struggled with this? And if so, did time and acceptance help you? Do you have any suggestions? I don't want this to have a negative affect on my love life. I know it's only been a week, but it's definitely having one already. My fiance is very understanding. But I cannot go on forever, get married to him, and never want to have sex again. That's not normal. I feel kind of grossed out by sex now though. If we do have sex the only thing I'll be thinking about is HPV. I know this is a huge overreaction on my part. I'm just hoping I'm not alone in feeling some of these emotions. Anyone?

roxyroxyr · 04-16-2008, 11:57 AM

I totally understand what you're talking about. I was diagnosed about over a month ago, and I FREAKED, I didnt want to be touched, kissing even went down to a minimum, I didnt even want to glance "down there", and at first my fiance was very considerate and understanding about it, and agreed that we should wait until the virus is cleared, which could be a very long time. well, that didnt last long, because now he's starting to complain about feeling..."neglected". lol nice, huh? but he doesn't push the subject too often because i remind him that I just need him, and his support. sorry I can't be much of a help advice wise, but Im just here to let you know that someone else is having the same problem ^_^. hope things work out for you..

April7 · 04-17-2008, 12:10 PM

Oh thank you Roxy. I'm just glad that I'm not alone in all of this.

For me being diagnosed entailed a 2 minute phone conversation with the nurse from my ob/gyn office. I won't see the doctor again until May 13th and I anticipate that I will hold off on sex until then. And if I start to feel better on an emotional level, I'll certainly use a condom. Once I sit down and talk with my doctor I'm hoping that a lot of my questions will be answered and that will help me to move on and not feel so upset by this.

Like your fiance, Mark is also feeling "neglected." He's a great guy though and he deals with it all in stride. He started kissing on me the other night and I just flat out told him that the diagnosis has taken away any and all desire I normally have. He was great about it, said he understood, and that was the end of it. But I know that eventually after hearing that for a long time it's going to start to wear on him a bit. I hope not, but I suspect it will.

I read some of the posts on here and I wish I had that same amount of "it is what it is" sort of reaction. The women here seem pretty tough and emotionally together. I'm really hoping I feel that way at some point in the not too distant future. I hate feeling this way!

rachel88 · 04-17-2008, 07:22 PM

You definitly are not alone in feeling the way you do! I found out I had hpv about 7 or 8 months ago AFTER me and my boyfriend had broke up so I really didn't have anyone and I had a very hard time dealing with it and accepting that I had to live with it for the rest of my life.. I still have those days sometimes but not as often. I pretty much felt disgusted with myself and so much regret but things do get better, the hardest part (emotionally) is the first few months.. in my opinion anyways because it's always on your mind but after awhile things do get better, just take care of yourself and try to stay positive, I know it's hard but it really does help! If you dont mind me asking do you have high or low risk hpv? Another thing that helped me was doing some research on it, I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now but hpv really isn't as bad as it seems, of course any of us would rather not have it but when you let it take over your life it is so much worse and I did let it take over for awhile but I realized it's not even worth it! The message boards can really help too because there is always people you can talk to who are going through the same thing and understand how you feel. I hope that things get better with both of you! Just take care of yourself and try to be positive things always get better! God bless

Caliyogagirl · 04-20-2008, 07:59 PM

I also have HPV. I'm 36 and was diagnosed at 21 (was with my then boyfriend at the time and to this day, I never knew how I got it since I had only had sex with one other person before him and used condoms with him and also my then boyfriend).

It was pretty devastating and my boyfriend at the time wasn't very understanding. I actually just recently had a horrible experience with someone I told about my HPV and he made me feel horrible and tried to make me feel "dirty" (and then I came to find out he had been lying to me that he was married the entire time-nice, huh?) There are some big jerks out there.

Anyway, you are lucky you have an understanding fiance. Also, I'd like to slap your OBGYN's nurse because the doctor should have told you the diagnosis in PERSON! (not over the phone). That's really bad.

I went through all the same emotions you are going through and it helped to do research and to have good OBGYNs. I did have abnormal paps, colosocopies, biopsies, pre-cancerous cells found but I also had many years where my paps came back negative for my HPV. I suggest you take care of yourself (don't smoke, don't drink a lot, exercise etc). I've been a long time student of yoga which I think has really helped me. Also, when my life started to be stressful that's when my HPV showed up again in my paps (and I wasn't sexually active at the time). Also, I had the same boyfriend for almost 7 years and have never been sexually promiscuous. One of my nurse practitioners have told me that even nuns have been diagnosed with HPV (and they definitely are not sexually active ha!)

Don't beat yourself up and you need to start talking to your boyfriend about your feelings (when you feel ready). It will affect your relationship if you don't share with him (especially your sex life). There are a lot of support groups out there online and a LOT of information.

I've dealt with HPV for a long time and I've had my ups and downs (physically and emotionally) but I just suggest you take care of your health and stay on top of your OBGYN exams and also have good care! It does get better, let me assure you

Best of luck!