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Old 04-05-2009, 10:12 AM   #1
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Exclamation Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV results

Hi All,

First off, oh my GOD, this is a whole new world to me.
I read most of the posts here and got familiar with some users so thanks for the support that you have already given me by responding to others.
However, I'm still far from getting the peace I need.

My wife is the most beautiful 33yo. woman and I love her way more than anything in the world.

We've been married for over 10 years and no kids.
We had such an easy life with nice jobs and no big worries until about 10 days ago.

My wife's last pap was about one year ago and it was clear.
I think that it isn't very important to discuss here about how she possible got it or if she had it dorment for many years, but the fact is that we had a pretty active sexual lifestyle and now she got another pap test with a ASCUS+high risk HPV results.

Her colposcopy is scheduled for April 13th.

I couldn't even begin to tell you exacly what I've been going through while we wait for her appointment...It is terrible!
My mind spins out of control, I get light headed, my body shivers and amny times a day I cry like a baby in ways that I didn't even know I could(and I am a 38 yo man). I just remember crying 'almost' as bad when my dad was about to die back in 1992.

This is a new world to me/us.
In a way, life has lost much of it's fun!

Yesterday, we went to get her supplements like Folic Acid, vitamins A&E, etc... ( I read and know a lot about HPV by now) and I had an anxiety attack and depression episode in the middle of freaking whole foods because in a million years I would have never imagined that my beautiful wife and I would be shopping for supplements to save her life.

Sometimes I feel like I'm causing so much stress in my body that I'll have a stroke or heart attack at any minute.

I try to be strong in front of her, but sometimes I can't help it. Althought she has her weak moments, she's taking things with much more strenght than me.

I'm not even sure if this is the correct forum to post this because I believe I don't really need any new info on HPV so I guess I'll look for a different one like "Depression".

But if you have any words to maybe give me more strenght, I would appreciate it.

God Bless!

Last edited by Joe38; 04-05-2009 at 10:19 AM.

 
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Old 04-05-2009, 10:24 AM   #2
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Joe, your reaching out to her and offering love and support is so very important. Not all of us had that during our diagnosis and treatments.

I'm so glad your wife has kept current on her paps (it sounds like) and that the doctors are being proactive and sending her for the colpo. Since she is 33, I hope her doctor also does and ECC when he/she does the colpo. The ECC (endocervical curettage) is the only non-surgical way to sample the cells in the cervical canal.

Your wife is yourng 30s, so it is hopeful that whatever biopsy the doctor does in addition to her age will help her fight fight the virus so it doesn't cause any more damage. The colpo/biopsy/+ ECC (hopefully) will give the doctor, her, and you a really good idea of the status of her cervix.

Nothing can be done until the doctor knows more. The pap is just screening. The colpo gives more detailed information.

In the mean time eating healthful foods, improving health habits, taking supplements like a multivitamine help.

Having HPV (or even dysplasia) does not mean a woman has cancer. Many (ok, MOST) women who are diagnosed with HPV either clear the virus on its own (so it doesn't cause damage, but is still there) or have a few biopsies and they don't have further problems. Of course, always keeping current on paps is essential.

I hope this helps a bit.

 
Old 04-06-2009, 02:03 PM   #3
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Thank you for the kind words; Pickle Eyes, JessicainCanada,and oldfashiongirl!

I'm replying to Pickle Eyes and OldFashiongirl(and whoever else can respond too) about the comments you two made;

" ASCUS pap plus HPV+ is very common and usually is a transient infection that just needs to be monitored."

"Having HPV (or even dysplasia) does not mean a woman has cancer"


Anyway, not knowing FOR SURE what is going on inside her body is just eating me alive while we wait this week. I'm glad you said that it usually doesn't mean the worst when one get the HPV+Ascus results. I just feel like I can't take it anymore, sometimes. I tried to set up an earlier colposcopy like this week (actually still working on it).
The Doctor was pretty cold when she called a couple times asking how worried we should be about it. The Doctor said," you should relax and there's 99% chance you don't have cancer." Well, I'm trying to trust the Doctor's words but how would she know that based on the test? Just trying to be supportive? I'm hanging on to every single comma and word in order to survive this week...but I don't need false hope of course.

Sorry, I'm losing my mind...who knows if I'm still making sense.

cry cry cry

 
Old 04-06-2009, 02:17 PM   #4
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe38 View Post
I don't need false hope of course.
It's not false hope, it's being realistic
Statistically, your wife has a FAR greater chance of having everything go back to normal vs having it go on to be cancer. If your doc says 99% nothing to worry about, trust him. Your doctor is probably seemed cold because there really isn't anything to worry about at this stage. Worry when you hear 'cancer', not abnormal cells. Worrying before hand is natural for sure, but premature.

 
Old 04-06-2009, 04:49 PM   #5
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

In all honesty, Joe, none of of know anything "for sure" without question. There are always chances. The doctor can make decisions based on statistical chances/probabilities.

The CHANCES that your wife's pap (paps are for screening not diagnosis) will turn to cancer are VERY slim.

At 33, her body might be able to fight the virus so it doesn't cause more damage (though it will always be there). It might cause more damage. BUT, if she keeps current on her paps and her doctors are proactive (knowing she has been positive for high risk HPV), then the chances of it turning to cancer are very slim.

The doctor wants to do the colposcopy to get a better diagnosis on the tissue that the pap indicated were not "normal". This is a standard test/observation of living tissue plus a possible biopsy (and possibly an ECC - endocervical curettage). The results from the colpo/biopsy and possibly ECC will let your doctor know the extent of the problem. He/she may just tell her to come back every 6 months to see if the body can heal itself. Or the doctor might want to do a further biopsy (LEEP or cold knife cone).

With each biopsy (with the colpo or later as a LEEP/ckc) there is a chance the biopsy will be the entire lesion. The body can then heal itself. There is hope (and statistics to back this up) that that is the only treatment many young women need.

I'm not going to go into my entire story, but I was diagnosed with cancer last April. Last Spring was one of the worst times in my life. There was so much uncertainty. In the end (and I am now 10 months post op) results is that my cancer was found VERY early. I had 2 lesions: one was 1mm across and less than 1mm deep, the other was 0.3mm across and less than 1 mm deep. One millimeter is the thickness of a dime. They were TINY. The only treatment I needed was a hysterectomy (uterus and cervix only). I will not need chemo or radiation. The cancer diagnosis (and its rippling effect throughout my life) was horrible, but if the hyst is all I need to be cancer free, then I don't need the uterus and cervix!

I'm saying all of that to tell you a few things. From where your wife is to cancer is a loooooooooooooong way based on her pap results, her age, statistical numbers, treatment options between here and there, and many other aspects that I am not going to type out right now.

Sage words from a lady I know online: never waste a good worry. Don't worry about cancer until your doctor tells you to worry . . . or until there is an abundance of evidence that points to cancer. I assume neither has happened yet.

Worrying is evil. It gives our mind something to do, but the worrying has NEVER changed the outcome of a situation.

 
Old 04-07-2009, 09:13 AM   #6
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Thisby, thank you for the kind words.
Pickle Eyes, thanks for sharing so much info...it really helps.

I'm feeling somewhat relieved now.

I guess I just have to be strong now and support her.

We both thought that I had a small mole or something in my genital area and I went to the Doctor last saturday(after this whole nightmare started), who found abour 5 tiny little ones and told me those were warts. Well, nedless to say, I most likely have HPV, too.

One thing I'm not sure about, let's say if I have HPV that causes genital warts, could I have passed that to her but then turned into the high risk one? I mean, if I have the kind that causes warts why couldn't she just have that one? Anyway, I guess I need to do more research on that.

I'm just depressed because even in the best case scenario, I still know that somehow I gave this thing to her since she never had a positive result for HPV and now me with these warts...you know?

I'll never forgive myself and although I changed completely and will never be the same person, I wasn't always the best husband for her.

I guess living with this uncertaintity that everything will always be fine like we used to is just taking it's toll on me. This whole thing is so sad.

 
Old 04-07-2009, 10:21 AM   #7
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Hi Joe

I sense your fear is born out of guilt, did you have a minor indisrection before that your wife does not know about? Now you believe it is the cause of your current situation and the guilt is racking your brain.The guilt can be all consuming but it doesn't help your wife, trying to get quicker appointments etc will not change the results just bring an end to your worry sooner. You seem to be doing everything to eleviate your worries and not to help your wifes. She is probably worried about you on top of her own worry.

To answer your question yes you can pass it on but if it is the type that caused symptoms in you then it may not be a high risk to your wife. HPV that causes warts are the low risk HPV.

If I am right and your wife does not know, confessions at this point will not be productive.

Last edited by greengrass; 04-07-2009 at 10:24 AM.

 
Old 04-07-2009, 05:22 PM   #8
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

I see things much like Greengrass, except his last sentence. I think it is appropriate to tell.

Low risk HPV cause warts. High risk HPV cause cellular changes which can lead to cancer (in a worst case scenario). High risk don't cause warts. Low risk doesn't cause the cellular changes that lead to warts.

 
Old 04-08-2009, 05:20 AM   #9
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Thanks Pickle eyes, I was just thinking his wife has enough to worry about without adding inferdelity on top. That would be a discusion for a later date when she is not so vulnerable.

 
Old 04-08-2009, 11:23 AM   #10
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Thank you greengrass and Pickle Eyes.

Yes to infidelity.
Yes to our active swinging lifestyle.
I am/was sick and tired of thinking if I did pass it to her or if she already had it.
My fear is based on guilt too, I can't lie, but that comes and goes in big waves because I can't change things and not even sure if it was really me.
However, what really bothers me is not being sure about how healthy my wife is right now, and that is all I want in the world. I don't want to make things worse for her.

At the colposcopy, they have a pretty good idea about what's going on and will inform us right? Not like we have to wait another week or two to know results?

thanks again.

 
Old 04-08-2009, 11:35 AM   #11
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

If you two are swingers, there's absolutely no way you're ever going to know who gave it to whom so worrying about that is totally pointless. You both chose to take the risks associated with swinging and considering how common HPV, it's something you could have expected actually.

As for knowing the results at the colposcopy, don't count on it. They might be able to say something like 'looks good' or not, but they won't be able to say more certainly until they have the results from the biopsy they will take. So yeah, expect another week or so of waiting... good luck.

 
Old 04-08-2009, 11:53 AM   #12
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Joe

I'm not questioning you fidelity, this is a matter for you and your wife discussing it now may not be the best timing.

With HPV it can lay dormant for many years undetected, so you may not of been the one to cause it. With your swinging background makes it even harder to know who. I am saying forget the who, you need to stop feeling guilty and start being the support your wife needs.

The chances it turns out to be cancer is small, the HPV that caused your warts does not cause cell to become cancerous. Even if she has the HPV that may cause cancerous cells her own immune system should be able to take care of it. If after they examine her and she has Dysplasia they can treat it easily by laser.

My ex had dyspasia and was treated by laser, she is totally fine she just has to have regular check ups to make sure it does not return.

So your worry is really for nothing just be strong and be there for her as she will be thinking the worst. As for the guilt that you will have to work on another day.

All the best,

Greengrass

 
Old 04-08-2009, 01:08 PM   #13
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Thanks greengrass and Thisby.


She's always busy with work and does not want to think much or research about it at this point...but sometimes at the end of the day, she does have a moment to question this situation and ask me about it, so I want to offer her comforting words and to know what I'm saying.
I thought I knew everything about HPV by now, but guess not.

Not sure if I left this bit of info out of previous posts/replies so here it goes;

Back in Feb 07, she had another PID episode(second in a few years), and got tested for HPV. It came back negative.
Then last year, she had her pap in May and there were no "atypical cells"(not 100% sure but it dosn't look like they tested her for HPV again),
What does it tell you?
Would that be a pretty good indication that she got it since her Feb 07 pap? Or maybe it was overlooked/not active?
Could they have missed an "atypical cells" spot when they performed her pap in May 08 and that didn't prompt them to test her for HPV again?

She asked me last night and I wasn't sure how to respond.

I guess our biggest fear here is that it was somehow overlooked last year. We just want to make sure any "atypical cells" are at their earliest stage.

make sense?


thanks again.

 
Old 04-08-2009, 02:07 PM   #14
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

Is there a history of cancer in her family?

I can't say whether they could of missed identifying abnormal cells, but if she is having regular checks then the likelyhood of them finding a typical cells early in their growth is higher. The earlier they find them the better it is to treat.

The colposcopy is to find the abnormal cells on the cervix, the screening has said there is abnorman cells the colposcopy is to find where they are.

If she has been tested for HPV and it is negative she may not need treatment to correct the abnormal cells her immune system will deal with it.

Do you know what strain of HPV you had, they would have to test the dna of the virus then they would give it a number. Types 6 and 11 are usually the strain that causes warts; 16, 18, 31, 33, 45 are strains that usually cause cervical cancer.

So if you have type 6 and she has type 16 you can't hold yourself responsible.

Abnormal cells can show up at anytime in her life, Has the doctor mention Dysplasia to you yet.

 
Old 04-08-2009, 06:33 PM   #15
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Re: Experiencing high anxiety,stress, and depression after my wife's ASCUS+HPV result

The doctor might be able to give an impression of the cervix at the time of the colpo, but the doctor won't be able to tell her anything about the cervical canal. The doctor can't see up there. The only way to know if something is wrong up there (without surgery) is to do an ECC (endocervical curettage). The doctor's impression at the colpo may be way off. Mine was. I went to a gyno for a colpo because I was high risk for HPV. I have had paps every year for 26 years and they have always been good. At the colpo, the doctor didn't need to take any biopsies of the exocervix. There wasn't anything wrong. "Just to check" she did an ECC. The ECC came back adenocarcinoma in situ. Two weeks later I had a cold knife cone biopsy which diagnosed cancer (AdCA Ia1). Two months later I had a hyst to remove all of my cancer and don't need any chemo or radiation.

So no. The colpo doesn't tell the doctor every thing.

 
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