Warts and relationships - Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Message Board

John08 · 04-26-2009, 06:56 AM

Hi,

Im 24 and have had hpv for the past 2 years or so, I am still with the current partner who infected me.

Before we had slept together (but doing other things), I had felt what I thought was a wart on her, I asked her what it was and she said it has been there since young, so I ruled out the thought, after a few mths, and after sex, she admitted she had lied and wasn't sure. I later had symptoms and was tested, I found that she had given me 4 different STI's, this came as a shock, because just months before that I had been tested with all results negative for everything. One of the STI's required me to have around 25 small lumps burnt off so u can imagine I felt a little violated and uncomfortable leaving the clinic. She isn't the strongest minded girl so I put on a brave face, was always supportive and led her through the whole thing, she was scared of the docs and just didnt want to know the results.

Anyhow, everything was sorted and its just the HPV virus that remains. I have decided I never want to put anyone through something like that and I am still annoyed about it because there was not one occasion where she ever apologized. Even though I know it was my fault for not always using protection.

We are 2 1/2 years into our relationship and there have been many times where she has done things that I dont think any normal person would put up with. In past relationships I would have left long ago but I want things to work because I dont feel like I have any other choice.

There are times where I really love my girlfriend but have had enough with the constant disrespect. I am young and dont feel ready to settle down, to be honest I would also like to sleep with other girls and experience life a bit more. I would also like to find someone I am more compatible with and would treat me a little better. However, I am not comfortable with the notion of sitting someone down and explaining to them I have an STI that is incurable. I can imagine anyone wanting to take me up on that.

So do I have any options? I feel as though this part of my life was put on pause and I cant move forward from here.

I guess i'm just looking for some advice, thanks for your time and help in advance.

Pickle Eyes · 04-26-2009, 09:21 AM

John08, I'm glad you've written. I don't know how much advice I will give, but I'll give it a try.

I can hardly believe this girlfriend didn't seem concerned about your contracting HPV from her (assuming she was your first sexual contact, if she wasn't then there is no real way to know when/how you contracted them) or your treatment of the warts.

HPV is not a life prison sentence. If someone is educated about HPV then he/she can make choices as to whether he/she wants to be involved with another person.

The virus stays with you for life, but that doesn't mean you will suffer from the negative effects of HPV for life. The virus stays in your body for life (like how the chicken pox virus can stay in your body) without causing further problems.

I hope that helps.

John08 · 04-27-2009, 08:29 AM

Thanks for the reply Pickel Eyes,

I guess she must have been concerned but she just chose not to show it. I understand its not possible to say that it was 100% her that gave it to me but I was with the same partner for 2 years prior to this relationship (who never had HPV reported in any paps), I went out with my current girlfriend right after and noticed what was clearly a wart, several mths after intercourse I developed warts. Technically its my own fault I should have requested her to be screened before intercourse considering I had felt it at least a mth before hand.

I also understand this is low risk HPV and the Gardisal vaccine can protect against 90% of wart causing HPV. However, even if I could find someone that would be willing to accept this, the notion of a one night stand is far gone. In that respect it is a life sentence to that type of sexual activity and makes any relationship from here much more difficult. So hence comes my problem as to feeling as though I need to stay with my gf for all the wrong reasons.

But thank you I do appreciate your response and find it comforting knowing that I will not suffer from the negative effects of HPV for life.

Pickle Eyes · 04-27-2009, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John08

the notion of a one night stand is far gone. In that respect it is a life sentence to that type of sexual activity and makes any relationship from here much more difficult. So hence comes my problem as to feeling as though I need to stay with my gf for all the wrong reasons.

But thank you I do appreciate your response and find it comforting knowing that I will not suffer from the negative effects of HPV for life.

True. Very true.

Having been diangosed with HPV (high or low risk) really brings one's awareness to the variety of "gifts" one can get from a one-time-encounter.

I wish I had more advice to give.