Re: Married with HPV and not sure what to do.
Hi dMOD, a diagnosis of HPV raises a LOT of questions. My husband and I had many of the same questions when I was diagnosed.
When I was diagnosed, we'd been together for over 14 years monogamously. I know I am faithful and I believe he is faithful. Many questions were brought up right after I was diagnosed though. It took us a while to learn what we've learned and come to a realization that we are both still monogamous.
The bottom line is HPV is not a good way to test/prove sexual faithfulness. It sounds like you know for certain (and by other ways) that your wife was unfaithful. The truth is that if either of you had a sexual encounter at any point prior to the two of you getting together, then there is no certain way to know how your wife (or you) were exposed to HPV.
It is possible (and I believe very likely) that a person is exposed to HPV (and I am assuming high risk HPV in this discussion) at his/her first sexual experience, if the partner had any previous partner(s). HPV is spread that easily.
High risk HPV can be spread through any sexual skin to skin contact between the vulva, vagina, cervix, penis, anus/rectum, mouth/throat. The cervix tends to be the location where HPV infections are most commonly found. Through advancements in medical research and testing procedures doctors are able to detect problems that are now being related to HPV infections. There is a rise in diagnosis of HPV related mouth/oral cancers. I don't know that the diagnosis of moouth/oral cancers are on the rise, just that the doctors are able to identify high risk HPV ask the cause of the lesions.
When it comes to protection, some researchers indicate that while a woman is recovering from treatments for HPV that a condom helps accellerate recovery. I don't believe that is the most common recommendation, however. My husband and I used condoms at first, for the first month or two after I was diagnosed, but not after that.
I think (my opinion) that if you and your wife are sexually monogamous (now - after her infidelity), then you are both exposed to all strains of HPV which either of you brought to the relationship. Condoms, therefore, (again, in my opinion) are not necessary. This is true for all sexual contact between you and your wife (assuming no new partners). Again, that's my understanding of what I've read and heard.
If you are concerned about mouth/oral cancer, then talk with your dentist the next time you are in for a tooth cleaning. Dentists are taught what to look for. You can also bring it up with your physcian the next time you go for a check up.
I hope that helps.