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when should I tell?

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Old 12-04-2009, 05:56 PM   #1
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when should I tell?

So, I think that I may have a genital wart. I'm going to get it checked out, but my appointment is not until Dec 14th. Now, learning from my previous mistake, I do want to inform my ex-boyfriend of the situation.......b/c either he gave me the low risk HPV or I had it before I met him and it's just now surfacing b/c ever since our breakup a couple weeks ago I have been stressed, an emotional wreck, lost 10lbs (and on an 87lb body that is just not good!) and generally in a weakened state, so perfect conditions for an infection to present itself. So if he didn't give it to me and I already had the low risk then I gave it to him. Or, he gave it to me. At any rate, he does have a right to know. But my question is when do I tell him? Do I tell him now and that I am going to get this thing checked out and will know more the 14th, or do I wait until I've had my appointment? Also, any suggestions on the best way to approach this? I have my doubts about how mature he is going to be.......part of me thinks that he is just going to assume that because I already have high risk HPV that I must have had low risk as well and gave it to him. Just b/c he is a male with no symptoms present doesn't mean he should be able to get off scott free and not accept some of the responsibility. I don't want to come off as a b*tch though, or that i am blaming him, because I'm not, I just feel like he has a right to know the situation but I also want him to grasp and understand that it is just as equally likely that he gave it to me or that I gave it to him.

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Old 12-08-2009, 01:19 PM   #2
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Re: when should I tell?

its never going to be easy! my doctor told me I was fine and now I'm finding out that I may not be fine. I havent had anything in 10 years or so. but I am finding out the I will have the virus for the rest of my life. Im devasted.. If you need someone to talk to by all means. I would love to chat and learn more now that I to have to live with this devastating std!

Old 12-09-2009, 06:53 PM   #3
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Re: when should I tell?

Hi and take it easy:

The first thing is to take care of your health, don't say anything yet first go to your appointment with your gynecologist/oncologist and ask him for a Colposcopy and a Pap Smear. If he believes it convenient he may take two samples for biopsies which would be highly convenient. You need about 4 days in all for the results.

I don't know how old you are thus I am short without that information, but if you are around 30 and have had intercourse from about age 17 the mentioned tests are the best ones for you as far as I know. There is no way you can get rid of the HPV virus, but you can avoid Cervical Cancer as it usually takes 10/12 years to develop and be successfully treated because it would be in a very early stage. Once you have your test results it is up to you to tell or not tell your former bf.

In the USA 75% of the whole male and female population over 18 have HPV, so it would be very unlucky if you passed it on to your bf, never the less it is up to you to decide what to do. Ask your doctor which is the best way to protect others and yourself from future STDs and mind you condoms are not the magic answer especially for HPV.

Sorry I can't help you with your bf, it is a matter of conscience, feelings and responsibility.


Old 12-10-2009, 06:15 AM   #4
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Re: when should I tell?

I don't need a colposcopy and pap smear. I already am aware that I have high risk HPV. I had a colposcopy in March 2009 which showed low grade cell changes. I had a follow up pap in November which looked exactly the same as my original abnormal pap in Feb 2009. If what I have now is indeed a wart that means I have picked up low risk HPV in addition to the high risk I already knew about. If what I have now is indeed a wart of course I will be telling my former BF because one of us passed it to the other obviously and he should have a right to know in case he would like to go get himself checked out. I was just looking for a good way to approach the situation because I am afraid of him acting immature and immediately assuming that I might have given him low risk HPV instead of the other way around.

Old 12-10-2009, 05:14 PM   #5
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Re: when should I tell?

The truth is that whatever strain(s) of HPV you had when you were with that boyfriend was transmitted to him when you had sexual contact. Whatever strain(s) of HPV he had when you and he had sexual contact was transmitted to you. It is entirely possible to have low risk and high risk HPV strains at one time. It is also likely to have more than one strain of either/both at the same time.

Old 12-10-2009, 05:33 PM   #6
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Re: when should I tell?

yeah I know I could have already had the low risk as well as the high risk. but, what is sort of interesting is that 2/3 of those who do develop warts generally do so within 3 months of encountering the virus......and maybe it's just a coincidence, but we stopped using condoms in mid/end of august and I get this (maybe) wart 3 months later......again, I am fully aware that there is no way to tell who gave what to whom and the low risk HPV could have been hiding in my body before I met him. nor am I out to blame him. but, i do think that if this turns out to be a wart he should at least acknowledge and accept that he could have given me the low risk hpv. just like i am accepting that I could have already had it and passed it to him.

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