Hey everyone, so ill give you a little background information then hopefully some of you can help me with my ethical debate. So me and my girlfriend are both in our early to mid 20's and she was recently diagnosed with HPV. My dilemma is now we know she has it, but I still have no idea if I do or not, and probably never will be able to know. I know its pretty easy to spread so I likely do have it, but we have only had sex maybe 10 times together and truthfully its much more likely that she was the original carrier than me. So my main problem now is that, for one I honestly feel really nervous about sex with her even though I most likely already have it, also I don't really want to be with her anymore for several reasons and sadly this is one of them which I know is selfish and stupid but the probability of it originating with her are roughly 4-6 times the odds I would have and now I have trouble being near her without getting upset to some extent. What im mostly curious to hear your opinions on however is two things, one, wether I should still feel comfortable having sex with her, and two If/when we break up am I obligated to tell every person before im intimate with them, even though they likely have it? Even considering I am still likely at less of a risk to have HPV than the person I will be telling? Or even more so than that, do I have a moral responsibility to remain abstinent for the rest of my life considering even if my partner has hpv its still likely not the strain I (possibly) have. Do I have a moral obligation too not have sex regardless if they tell me its ok considering they'll likely spread it after we have sex? I know there's no 100% answer but I would greatly appreciate any help/suggestions/discussions you would like to share.
First, only you can decide who you are comfortable having sex with and why. So if you are no longer comfortable having sex with her, then that's that.
Second, there's no way to tell who was the first carrier, and pointing fingers at her and producing odds is unfair. I have only ever slept with two men, both of whom were tested before we were intimate and were negative for (testable) STDs. We were in committed relationships, were careful, used protection, and I still wound up positive for high-risk HPV this January. I had the negative reaction and blamed my recent ex, and it took me a while to realize just how unfair that is--HPV can lie dormant in the system for years. There is no telling where or when it came from.
Do you have an obligation to tell future partners that you have been exposed to HPV? Doctors will apparently say that no, you do not. I think YES. Consider this: Would you have wanted to know what you were getting into before you chose to have sex with this woman? Would it have changed your decision to sleep with her? Don't other people have the right to make that same decision for their own health?
What type of HPV does your girlfriend have? High-risk strains of HPV can be very dangerous for women, and it becomes even more imperative (in my opinion) that you inform future partners of your exposure so they can know they may be putting themselves at risk for cancer.
There's no sense in martyring yourself and being abstinent the rest of your life. As you said, this is spread easily and is a common disease. The best you can do is be honest with future partners.