nikki0326

I am new to this and just found out yesterday I have HPV. I have been in a committed relationship for 1yr and a half I did cheat on him more then once. I feel ashamed. However, I was also married and after was in a relationship for 4yrs as well as other relationships and I do know I can not just pin point this on the horrific things I did on my boyfriend, hell I could easily have gotten this from him. I was told to get a check up in 6mths. I also went today with my boyfriend to get an std test and I wanted him to come with me to help him and us get facts from the dr. He is ****** and said no other man would have gone with his grlfrnd who cheated on them for an STD test, was I wrong to bring him? Was he right to say I was crazy to bring him? I wanted him to get facts with me on HPV so he is not mis informed and I feel we are partners and in this together. Naturally he is hurt again and ****** unfortanity he called me horrible names. As stated, I did horrific things and as we started finaly taking a new step the past 3wks this news came on my HPV. He has a 3yr old daughter and I am now told until my results come in for my STD tests I can not kiss her. He also feels he can not touch me and doesnt want to have sex with me. I not only feel ashamed and feel I do deserve this after what I did, but also feel I will infect anyone I come to contact with and am now taking lysol wipes to everything I touch. I dont know how to feel about this at all what is the right feeling. More of my concern his towards my boyfriend and putting my feelings to the side. And I feel guilty for feeling scared that this might not go away. I dont know where I can go from here what are the right steps (besides check ups), how do I comfort him and stand behind him and how do i get past these feelings of my whole body inside and out will infect anything i touch. I am fully ashamed for all i done and think this is my punishment. I dont think he will want to touch me ever again he stated he hates me. I need advice and do not know where or who i can talk to and found this sight so I am hoping there are people out there who have this that can help me and together we can support each other.

signed:
a helpless and lost woman