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Old 08-27-2007, 02:16 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: binghamton, ny
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5han HB User
Unhappy hypochondria is making me depressed. lots of problems, venting, need support

Okay, so I'm in my early 20s, I'm a girl, I have been posting all over this website, health problems I have had lately, and in the past few weeks all I can do is cry in my frustration and complain to my mom about all my symptoms. ALL our conversations are me sitting there, anxiety ridden, hoping she'll make some sort of diagnosis because I feel like I have some crazy disease like cancer or tuberculosis or diabetes or I'm anemic or something. I feel a little better after spilling my thoughts to someone, but I go to bed thinking that the next day I'll just wake up feeling ill again. The littlest things make me cry and then some big things too which I can't stop thinking about.
At the beginning of this summer after coming home from college I developed an allergy to my cats who I've had for 13 years and I love so much. I can't be around them for long or I get itchy bloodshot eyes, and a cough. When they scratch me the area breaks out in hives as well. I've just been on a downward spiral. The allergy (because I'm living at home where my cats live and constantly have post nasal drip and have had a cough since the beginning of June) has caused multiple sinus infections this summer. I also quit smoking 2 months ago and I think it has something to do with my anxiety. Because I quit smoking my lungs have been clearing themselves out. Sometimes I take deep breaths and I hear a wheeze and cough up some white phlegm. Well, when this began it coincided with my dogs picking up a dead bird and bringing it in the house and guess what I thought I had? Birdflu. yeah. I was obsessed, and depressed. Constantly checking symptoms online and checking myself for symptoms. After about 3 weeks my fear that I had birdflu diminished. I figured I was in the clear. During the time of my fear I had lost my appetite though. (By this I mean episodes where I feel hungry in my stomach. It growls, but I gag at the thought or sight of food. I have to shove it down my throat and try not to gag.) I went out to eat a few times with my family and with my boyfriend and I just stared at the food and could only eat a few bites just to be curtious. I'd take home food in a container and most of it would just go bad in the fridge.
I had maybe 2 weeks of peace where I wasn't worrying about being ill anymore, and then I started to think that I had tb... I don't know why.. it went with the lung thing... It worried me sick. I was just WAITING to cough up blood. I sat around all day depressed. I haven't hung out with anyone at all this summer except for my boyfriend because he supports me emotionally. No friends, no one. Just because I have no desire to. While I was worried about the tb thing, again with little or no appetite, I was at my boyfriends and before I had gotten there I had been feeling lightheaded and out of it. I thought I just needed sleep but I felt worse in the morning. The next day I packed to take a trip down to my college to move into my apartment. The day after, we went to move me in. After all the days of packing and moving all the boxes up to the 2nd floor from the U-Haul, I was all moved in and I was just exhausted. All I could do was sit around the apartment and I didn't have the stamina to drive home so my mom drove for me. I figured I was just tired from moving myself in. So, I came home, slept, woke up the next day still feeling tired. The next day I went to the doctor who said I was congested and had a red throat. It may have been a cold but I got antibiotics in case I had another sinus infection, which it felt like I did. I took aleve cold and sinus and had the worst lightheaded sick feeling. I felt like I was in an elevator which was stopping. I got a migraine and it lasted the whole night. The next morning it went away by breathing in some steam and eating something. The antibiotics make me feel even more ill. I've been on them for 3 days and had bad stomach problems and STILL no desire to eat anything. I haven't felt like eating anything for like 2 weeks but I FORCE myself to. I'm constantly worrying more and more and getting even more depressed because I keep thinking I'm sick and dying. I'm over the tb thing. NOW because of my fatigue and loss of appetite, I fear that I have a.) low blood sugar.... b.) anemia.... or c.) I worry that I'm pregnant even though I'm on birth control! I've noticed under my eyes is getting darker and I don't know if it's from all this stress and lack of a good nights sleep and depression, or if it's from something worse! These stomach problems have me thinking there's something else wrong now... I always have acid reflux and I take pepcid AC for it and I feel this may be caused by my anxiety also.

Anyway I've posted this in the depression forum because I'm coming to realize all the CRAP I've put myself through all summer... all the unnecessary worrying, all the crying, thinking I'm going to drop dead of some rare illness if I don't tell a doctor about my symptoms and so I've been to the doctor 6 times in 2 months, and called him even more than that. I am so worn out and I'm finally putting together that my lack of appetite, circles under my eyes, insomnia, always feeling tired and sick to my stomach are PROBABLY from some moderate depression. I have no desire to go back to college. I'm not excited at all. I start class on Wednesday and I feel like I'm not going to be able to do it because I'm so DOWN emotionally and physically. I've had a hellish summer of little health problems, exacerbated by hypochondria. I feel like I'm insane most of the time. I need someone to read this and think about all the stupid worrying I've put myself through and let me know if they think my physical problems could be caused by depression. Mentally I'm withdrawn, constantly worried, unfocused, I don't care about things that I used to care about. I'm going to cry right now just thinking about it. I just want to be myself again... but I feel like I've come too far and this has become such a habit for me... worrying and being depressed. I feel like it doesn't matter if my symptoms go away because I'll just find something else health wise to be upset about and worry about. Somebody PLEASE PLEASE console me. I'm thinking about going to a counselor once I move into college because I don't think I can handle the isolation alone without my family or boyfriend, and feeling like this. PLEASe HELP!
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~Hannah~*

 
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Old 08-27-2007, 03:22 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: cicero, ny, usa
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sarah1515 HB User
Re: hypochondria is making me depressed. lots of problems, venting, need support

Hello, I noticed your from Binghamton, I'm from Syracuse. But anyways... I'm a girl in my earlier twenties as well and can relate to your story. I've always been a hypochondriac ever since I was young. If my stomach hurt, I had stomach cancer, if my head hurt I had a brain tumor, etc. I've also thought I had EVER disease in the book. About 3 years ago I started having panic attacks and ever since then I've had really bad anxiety problems and depression. Now I just think I'm going crazy. I guess the best advice I can give to you is to go talk to a psychologist. Personally, I wouldn't waste my time or money with a counselor because I don't think they help much. I needed someone to figure out what was wrong with me and what I needed to do for it and a psychologist can definitely help with that. Sometimes you need to go to a few of them to find the one that best fits you.

Another suggestion would be to go out and do something!! Even if you absolutely don't feel like leaving your house go anyways!! It helps me a lot. If you stay inside your just going to think about your problems and go onto the computer to look up illnesses. It's good to try to be around people too, helps keep your mind on other topics other than dying of some disease. Hang in there and try to stay positive.

 
Old 08-27-2007, 07:32 PM   #3
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Location: binghamton, ny
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5han HB User
Re: hypochondria is making me depressed. lots of problems, venting, need support

wow you sound exactly like me lol. It DOES help to go out places if I can force myself to. I'll have to do that when I go to school. and I'll HAVE to go to class so that makes it even more likely that I won't isolate myself. Thats exactly what I do, and I look up illnesses, and worry myself literally sick. You know what's ironic too? I'm a psychology major! Go figure. At least I'll understand the hypochondriacs. I will find someone to talk to though. I don't even know if I need meds... just therapy. Thankyou so much for your answer though. Sorry to hear, but comforted, that I'm not the only one who does this.
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~Hannah~*

Last edited by 5han; 08-27-2007 at 07:39 PM.

 
Old 08-28-2007, 08:20 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: hypochondria is making me depressed. lots of problems, venting, need support

5han, how long have you had anxiety? Dark eye circles and exhaustion can be from allergies and so can acid reflux because the constant post nasal drip irritates your stomach. Hopefully you will feel better after getting away from those cats. Hopefully you won't take too much cat hair with you on your things. If you take antibiotics try to eat yogurt everyday because the antibiotics kill off the normal flora and normal flora are important for good health and keep allergies under control. Going to therapy at school sounds like an excellent idea. Keep posting and we will also give you support.

 
Old 08-28-2007, 08:50 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: binghamton, ny
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5han HB User
Re: hypochondria is making me depressed. lots of problems, venting, need support

How long have I had the anxiety... hmm... When I was in 8th grade I was diagnosed with some deadly heart disease and my parents thought I was going todie, I thought so too, my life expectancy was like 30 at the most. Then we got a 2nd opinion at a much better facility, john hopkins in baltimore. They saw NOTHING NO PROBLEM and they had the most advanced imaging at the time. I think this is when it started...
In high school I would obsess over certain things like I was in Cross country and I'd be trying to go to sleep and I'd be constantly going over the race course in my head and thinking of what times I was going to do each mile and worry that I wasn't going to do good enough for our team to win.
Since I was about 10 Ive had swollen lymph nodes on my neck and under my one armpit and it NEVER worried me. I noticed one was in my boob in like 10th grade and I started thinking I had breast cancer and thats pretty much when this all started. I got a mammogram and went to a dermatologist and all this stuff and noone seemed concerned about it. They even think the lump under my armpit is not a lymph node, but just breast tissue that went astray, especially since it connects to my breast... but when I started worrying about it I kept it inside for like a month til I told my mom. And we got me to the doctor and everything, got blood work, all was good. Ever since then, any little pain or problem I have had worries the hell out of me. When I was 16, my dog of 12 years and one of my friends died suddenly within 2 days of each other. The horror of death has been on my mind ever since. Whether it's me, or a loved one, it hurts so bad to lose someone, and I guess I feel like I have to prevent losing myself as much as possible, and that's why I get so urgent and so worried when I think I'm sick, and I think worst case scenario, and then it's like nobody even cares about it, they tell me I'm fine, and its hard for me because I can't help acting on a symptom and finding out whats causing it. So nowadays I have an extreme fear for my health, of a tornado hitting my house (every time theres a thunderstorm I don't stop feeling nervous until it's over) of being in a car accident, of getting arrested and having the charges ruin my future, (cuz I got an underage a few years ago and it just adds to all this. I'm afraid to go to parties now and i cant have fun.) And I can't help worrying aboutmy boyfriend and whether he's cheating on me or not even thoughin my right mind I KNOW he would NEVER. So that' sthe history of my anxiety and its complex and I shoouuulllld see a professional.

----and btw I had an appt with my family doc today and told him evvverything. He ordered blood work to check my thyroid, and my CBC, and my electrolytes... he ordered like everything. So, now I'm afraid to hear results. But I'm glad someone took action and if I do get away from my house and my cats and start to feel better then that would be the happiest I've been in a while.
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~Hannah~*

Last edited by 5han; 08-28-2007 at 09:04 AM.

 
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