My anxiety and fear might actually really kill me, or at least prevent me from living past the next few months
I'm not necessarily exaggerating. Here is why:
I'm a health anxious person and always have been. My father and sister both have OCD and depression. I never had the types of issues they have. Instead, my mental illness surfaces in the form of health anxiety, and a preoccupation and worry about my health, medicines, and medical treatment. I'm 29. I'm female. I never thought to connect it to a form of OCD, but now that I think about that... it makes complete sense.
I think that I have undiagnosed health issues. Apparently, a lot of you guys also worry about diseases like M.S. and Lupus, only I actually think I really do have some sort of neurological disease/autoimmune disease. For the last 3 years, I have had a variety of bothersome symptoms, including but not limited to: (significant hair loss, dizziness, vertigo, blurred vision, double vision, eye pressure, skin rash on leg, red on face after eating certain foods, food intolerance to preservatives and beef, inflamed tubes that connect to the kidney, hydronephrosis, insomnia, odd sleeping cycles, sensitives to medicines and adverse reactions, joint pain, loss of coordination that subsides and comes back, changes in my menstrual cycle). M.S. and Lupus tests came up negative. I still suspect brain-Lupus, but it could be something else that is serious, or perhaps something more benign. I don't know. All I do know is that 3 years ago my body changed.
Here is the PROBLEM. I JUST GOT BIT BY A STRAY CAT THAT MAY HAVE BEEN RABID!!!!!!!
Three weeks ago, a stray cat that was acting unusually friendly just came up and bit my leg after I had been looking for my cat that ran outside late at night. It was rubbing up against our legs and acting very social, and then just randomly bit my leg when we stopped giving it attention. This could be a sign that the cat had rabies because most stray cats are not social in this way, so doctors have advised me to get the vaccine.
But because I have had traumatic experiences from taking medications prescribed to me by doctors in the last few years, I am so nervous to take any medicine. Last year I was given a drug called Levaquin for a UTI. After reading the label, and seeing that people with neurological issues should not take it, I implored my doctor to give me another drug, but she would not. I took it, and chaos ensued. I started having hellish hallucination-like dreams that were the type of hell I cannot put into words. (I'm thinking the drug interacted badly with whatever is going on with my brain). I couldn't sleep for longer than an hour as if my brain lost the ability produce normal sleep patterns. I wanted to kill myself. I couldn't believe that a simple anti-biotic could have such an effect on me.
And so I've read that there is a connection between serious and even life threatening neurological diseases and the Rabies Vaccines. There is NO WAY for me to know if I take that drug if I wouldn't be that one out of so many people that has life-altering complications. Considering that I was the one out of 1000 or so that had a terrible reaction to Levaquin, I wouldn't doubt it.
I have to choose between dying of rabies (which would most likely happen in the few coming weeks or months) or taking a serious vaccine that could possibly damage my (what seems to me to be) already damaged brain and nervous system.
I'm SO SCARED!!! I have been a wreck for the last few weeks. And now my leg is twitching a lot where the cat bit me, and this is a sign of rabies. I do have twitches everywhere these days, but I am noticing more in my right leg right in that location near the bite
I really cannot think positively at this point. I feel like this is so serious and urgent. I feel like most of you would tell me to get the vaccine, but most people can't relate to the types of neurological problems I have. And most people don't watch their neuological system go berserk after eating normal foods, or taking a cold eeze pill, or taking an antibiotic. I feel that I have a much higher probability of having serious adverse affects to the vaccine than the general public, given my underlying health conditions. It has been known to inflame a small amount of people's brains, and start MS and ADEM and guillian-B syndrome.
I feel like I really might die soon.
I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Why me? Why did the cat have to bite me of all people? Why not someone healthy that would have no issue with the vaccine? I keep going back and forth on considering taking the vaccine. I might run out of time before its too late.
Sorry to be so pessimistic. I need to vent.