Hi everyone.. this is my first post here and would love to have someone listen/talk to me. I'm a 28 year old wife and mother to two little boys... and I'm a hypochondriac. I have convinced myself that I have cancer.. all different types. It all started 2.5 years ago when my first son was 6 months old and I went to see my ENT over some swollen lymphnodes in my neck that weren't going away. He checked me out then went on to tell me that I probably have one of two things: lymphoma or thyroid cancer. Yes, no kidding, he told that that's what I'm probably looking at. I couldn't even get out of his office before the tears started flowing and I was hysterical. I then went to my regular doctor for a checkup and to ask her about it and she did bloodwork and an ultrasound of my neck and determined that I have post partum thyroid disease (much better than cancer!). So I take medication daily for that and it's under control and fine. Ever since seeing the ENT, I constantly fear that I have some kind of cancer inside of me that no one has caught yet and I get SO depressed over the thought of dying and leaving my two young children.
After having my second child 16 months ago, it has been 16 months of stress, anxiety, depression. I'm at the point now to where my anxiety level is through the roof. I have panic attacks, I hyperventilate, become really depressed, and just feel so overwhelmed again, all at the thought of dying from cancer and leaving my children. I really need help but I don't know where to start. Can my regular physician help me? I do really well when I'm at home with my husband and children.. I still worry but not to the extent of the worry I feel when I'm alone or at work. At work during the day is when it's at it's worse. Right now, I've been worried about breast cancer after experiencing some pains in my breasts (I've seen my OB/GYN twice in 3 months and she has examined me and felt nothing), I have a wheezing in my lungs when I first wake up in the morning that has me convinced that I have lung cancer (part of me thinks it's allergy related but the other part jumps to cancer) and then this morning, I saw an ad on the internet about ovarian cancer and bloating being a symptom and remembered that I've been bloated for months (which is more likely weight gain) so I was almost in tears at my desk thinking I had ovarian cancer.
I'm not ok and I need help with this anxiety. This is no way to live and the constant worry is at an all time high and affects my life and happiness. My husband thinks the worrying is stupid and doens't know why I want to do this to myself. I don't at all WANT to feel this way or WANT to do this but he doesn't understand that it's not as easy as turning a switch off. I wish it was! So, he isn't the best at comforting or being supportive. Do I need some kind of an anxiety medication? I hate taking medication but I'm at the point now to where I really may need to to not be so on edge and down all the time. I have so many blessings in my life, 2 of them being my little boys and I'm just wasting precious time worrying like this. I just want to get back to the old me like I was before I met with that ENT. I can't even call my doctor's office on the phone without having a panic attack, much less walk into a doctors office without having one. When my regular doctor called me on the phone to tell me about my thyroid blood test, all she said was "I have your blood test results" and I broke out into hysterics. I really just need help.