Hi everyone, I hope that everyone reads this post and that many actually reply to it. Even just to say hi or to offer support.
My name is Sharon and I am 43 years old. I always would get mad or on the defense when someone would accuse me of being a hypochondriac. How dare they say that!!!! Don't they know how serious my conditions are?? .. Do they assume I am just crazy or attention-seeking? ... These are things I told myself on a regular basis for many years. Now I am trying to accept, or at least allow my logical part of me to educate myself on what exactly hypochondria is.
However, there are some major obstacles in this new self discovery. First, I know of no one else quite like me. I did not inherit this nor do I know anyone in my friends and family that can emphasize with this notion. This does not help to calm my mind any. Knowing or at least FEELING alone and misunderstood is a terrible feeling to have. Secondly, if it were just as easy as accepting it for what it is, then I could have "cured" myself long ago. It just isn't as easy to un-do years and years of convincing arguments of doom and gloom. Surely, it is much easier to convince myself of illness and diseases than it is to convince myself that I am ok. I am certain my doctors would also give an affirmative nod on that point. Lastly, I am struggling the most with the fact that I DO have these symptoms. I feel aches, pains, and the whole gamete of symptoms and because I do, it is hard to just say I am ok. To me, in my mind if I am feeling unwell, if I feel pains that I shouldn't be having, if I find something that doesn't feel right, then obviously something is definitely wrong. A woman of 43 shouldn't feel like she is a woman of 63. Yet..... I do. Tonight I took a few quizzes on hypochondria. Some of the questions made me cry. Why? Because it was like the whole test was how I feel.. daily.. constantly. I don't know if it was tears of relief, or tears of "oh my God no wonder no one believes me!" .. most likely, it was a mixture of both.
So what exactly does my day consist of? I wake up and stress because i am nauseous, my eyes are out of focus, or my back hurts. I literally wake up complaining or in a state of panic and fear. Everyone I talk to hears the stories over and over again. Seems like its all I can talk about. I make appointments for as much as I can. If I don't get an acceptable or believable answer, I will seek out another opinion. If I feel my doctor does not take me serious, I change doctor's ...eventually I feel like they all don't understand me. I visit my doctor WAY too often. He will say, ok see you in about 3 months. I have to laugh a bit, because I know that I cannot possibly stay away for three months. There are tests that need to be done, specialists to be consulted. 3 months??? Are you kidding me? And sure enough within the next 10 days, maybe 2 weeks, there is an appointment scheduled or a request to see a specialist.
Most common complaints: vertigo, feeling faint like I can pass out, random unexplainable pains that range from stabbing to dull aches, palpitations, headaches, vision issues, body check and re-checking obsessions such as self examining or looking for abnormalities.
Most common beliefs: that I have a life threatening illness that is undiagnosed, a brain tumor that is causing my headaches and vertigo, cardiac issues.
I would really like to hear from anyone out there that is going through this horrific condition. I know I am not alone, this forum is proof of that. But until I have someone to confide in and who will understand, I feel very alone.
Thanks for reading!!!