Hi Kdac81:
I don't have anything solid to offer you... just know that I have felt your pain. Although I have one daughter, 9 years old, I had to go through surgery in order to get pregnant with her, and I spent the entire 9 years of her life trying to have another one. It never happened. It is very very painful. I know that some people will say "well, at least you have one", and believe me, i am grateful for her. BUT I longed and ached for so many years to have another. It's hard to describe the feelings to someone who doesn't get it, isn't it? I just had my hysterectomy on the 13th of this month...and yes, I still would have liked to have more childre, but at some point I had to accept that it just wasn't in the plans for me. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to come to terms with. I was suffering month after month with physical pain, and on top of that I was suffering from emotional pain with the disappointment that came with every period. Every month I would cry and become depressed. I realized that as long as I had 'all the parts', I was going to feel this way. So that played largely in my decision to have my surgery. I know that it will still be hard to see others pregnant.
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Because you have already had your hysterectomy, there is little you can do as far as outcome goes. You won't give birth to a child. BUT you CAN adopt (and there are thousands of needy babies waiting for good homes), and the surrogate thing as you mentioned. Those things take money, I know. And you will still long to know what its like to be pregnant. I wish I knew why some of us are cursed with such a burden to carry. It seems unfair that we should be deprived of the an experience that is just so very....FEMALE. Trust me, I have spent YEARS trying to 'talk God into giving me what i want'...and as I said, I just had to accept it and let it go. I don't know what that will take for you. For me, it just took time. But you know? To this day, everytime a friend gets pregnant I automatically start looking for a new pet! It's a pattern I didn't pick up on until my husband pointed it out.
So, that is how I fill my void of mothering an infant i guess! Sounds silly huh?
I wish I could help you more. I feel your pain. Try to focus on the good....like how much pain relief you were given from the surgery, which in turn adds to your quality of life. The chances are very high that even if you hadn't had the surgery you would not have been able to get pregnant. I know that doesn't help you feel better about the longing, but it might help you stop regretting the surgery.
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I hope you feel better soon...you're not alone.
Lil'Pea
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