TVH pending... hysterical!
Extensive CIN 3/HPV 16 + 18 which seemingly came overnight (and a positive margin return on cone biopsy) have prompted me to agree that rather than spend the next #? Years testing, biopies, anxious waiting, I will "be done with it" and do TVH (cervix/uterus only). Seems like on the hysyterectomy scale my plan is least invasive. Not removing ovaries so no hormone issues. Vaginal so no scars.
I am absolutely freaking and waking in the middle of the nite crying (as I am now) about my perception that I will b forever "changed" sexually. I am not married + do not have a serious committed BF, just a guy who I have a VERY sexual thing with, so I feel sad and lonely and depressed that I will not have someone to hold my hand and assure me that I will b as awesome as ever. I have told my guy a little (having ab cell issues, that the surgery 3 weeks ago - cone_ didn't get it all and that although there is nothing "bad" I will have anothert surgery to "get rid of it all". Can not bring myself to say the H word. Even though he is just a "guy" and not a BF, we are close and have been together for nearly two years. Yet I am so freaking out and unable to acknowledge and accept what will b happening to me and my body.
(Is there a board for depresserd single women facing hysterectomy?? LOL).
Seriously, any thoughts on overcoming fear of being forever altered? I know I am a hysyerical type, an overthinker (and will even admiy to being rather vain), wonder if anyone is having/had similar issues of acceptance.