Extensive CIN 3/HPV 16 + 18 which seemingly came overnight (and a positive margin return on cone biopsy) have prompted me to agree that rather than spend the next #? Years testing, biopies, anxious waiting, I will "be done with it" and do TVH (cervix/uterus only). Seems like on the hysyterectomy scale my plan is least invasive. Not removing ovaries so no hormone issues. Vaginal so no scars.
I am absolutely freaking and waking in the middle of the nite crying (as I am now) about my perception that I will b forever "changed" sexually. I am not married + do not have a serious committed BF, just a guy who I have a VERY sexual thing with, so I feel sad and lonely and depressed that I will not have someone to hold my hand and assure me that I will b as awesome as ever. I have told my guy a little (having ab cell issues, that the surgery 3 weeks ago - cone_ didn't get it all and that although there is nothing "bad" I will have anothert surgery to "get rid of it all". Can not bring myself to say the H word. Even though he is just a "guy" and not a BF, we are close and have been together for nearly two years. Yet I am so freaking out and unable to acknowledge and accept what will b happening to me and my body.
(Is there a board for depresserd single women facing hysterectomy?? LOL).
Seriously, any thoughts on overcoming fear of being forever altered? I know I am a hysyerical type, an overthinker (and will even admiy to being rather vain), wonder if anyone is having/had similar issues of acceptance.
I will let you in on a little secret of mine. I always had a good sex life, but after my hysterectomy sex feels even BETTER, I swear!!
Your hysterectomy has absolutely nothing to do with the vibrant woman you are.
You have my word, although I cannot hold your hand....you WILL be as awesome as ever.
Sue. You have a vibrant sun as your icon for a reason... Thank you so much for your post. You have brightened my day!!!! Thank you for holding my hand. XO. Denise
Sue. Funny just moments before reading your post I check my horoscope it said LEO: A lot of things are happening over which you have no control, so it's hardly a surprise that you feel out of your depth. Don't worry. You won't sink without trace. You'll come back stronger than ever - starting right now.
Between "what the stars have to say" and your words, I feel better than I have in weeks!!!
Good for you, Denise!! I'm so happy to hear it. So much of life is having the right perspective, it seems. I'm glad that you are willing to release control about this....the outcome will be great !!
Sue. Seems its been years since this HPV/CIN nightmare began. I had another colpolscopy yday and awaiting results, but have decided to do the TVH in June to put closure to all this. I feel as if my life has been on hold since January + I am exhausted. I found a great psych who is helping me to get thru and accept all of this. I know its the right thing to do and have received every assurance that all will be well (my dr will be assisted by a partner who is a reconstruction specialist - to ensure that I will retain my "rock star" abilities)
