Extensive CIN 3/HPV 16 + 18 which seemingly came overnight (and a positive margin return on cone biopsy) have prompted me to agree that rather than spend the next #? Years testing, biopies, anxious waiting, I will "be done with it" and do TVH (cervix/uterus only). Seems like on the hysyterectomy scale my plan is least invasive. Not removing ovaries so no hormone issues. Vaginal so no scars.
I am absolutely freaking and waking in the middle of the nite crying (as I am now) about my perception that I will b forever "changed" sexually. I am not married + do not have a serious committed BF, just a guy who I have a VERY sexual thing with, so I feel sad and lonely and depressed that I will not have someone to hold my hand and assure me that I will b as awesome as ever. I have told my guy a little (having ab cell issues, that the surgery 3 weeks ago - cone_ didn't get it all and that although there is nothing "bad" I will have anothert surgery to "get rid of it all". Can not bring myself to say the H word. Even though he is just a "guy" and not a BF, we are close and have been together for nearly two years. Yet I am so freaking out and unable to acknowledge and accept what will b happening to me and my body.
(Is there a board for depresserd single women facing hysterectomy?? LOL).
Seriously, any thoughts on overcoming fear of being forever altered? I know I am a hysyerical type, an overthinker (and will even admiy to being rather vain), wonder if anyone is having/had similar issues of acceptance.
I will let you in on a little secret of mine. I always had a good sex life, but after my hysterectomy sex feels even BETTER, I swear!!
Your hysterectomy has absolutely nothing to do with the vibrant woman you are.
You have my word, although I cannot hold your hand....you WILL be as awesome as ever.
Sue. Funny just moments before reading your post I check my horoscope it said LEO: A lot of things are happening over which you have no control, so it's hardly a surprise that you feel out of your depth. Don't worry. You won't sink without trace. You'll come back stronger than ever - starting right now.
Between "what the stars have to say" and your words, I feel better than I have in weeks!!!
Sue. Seems its been years since this HPV/CIN nightmare began. I had another colpolscopy yday and awaiting results, but have decided to do the TVH in June to put closure to all this. I feel as if my life has been on hold since January + I am exhausted. I found a great psych who is helping me to get thru and accept all of this. I know its the right thing to do and have received every assurance that all will be well (my dr will be assisted by a partner who is a reconstruction specialist - to ensure that I will retain my "rock star" abilities)