Won't Sleep in Crib - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

crystal_barnes · 01-25-2005, 11:41 PM

I have a five week old that will not sleep in his crib. At first he would only sleep on my chest and now we have him sleeping in his car seat. At his one month appointment I questioned his doctor about this and he stated that now is the time to correct this "issue". He said to put him in the crib every night and if he hadn't fallen a sleep within 45 minutes to take him out and allow him to sleep in the car seat. This is day five and all he does is scream the whole time. I have tried putting pillows underneath the mattress, leaving a nightlight on and off, and leaving his mobile on and off, giving him a bath before, laying him down a wake and a sleep. Nothing is working. Once he calms down, he'll fall a sleep in my arms and I'll put him in the car seat and he won't wake up. Any suggestions would be great, I return to work in two weeks and would like to have him sleeping in the crib by than.

siren1024 · 01-26-2005, 07:40 AM

I have to say here I don't agree with your pediatrician. My pediatrician didn't either. Babies that young only know what makes them comfortable and what doesn't. They are far to young to be forming habits. My son also hated the crib. It's very common because after being snuggled inside you, they want to be secure. The crib is too "open" for them. Plus, they just feel safe with mom. He also hated back sleeping and startled awake like he was falling every few minutes, but I was afraid to put him on his stomach. So he slept in his carseat every night in my room (or with me after the first nighttime feeding) for the first few months. He felt more secure in there. I've heard swaddling can help too, but my son would always squirm out of a swaddle no matter how tightly we wrapped him. I also felt pressured for him to sleep in his crib, but I'd put him in there, and he'd cry and cry, and I couldn't stand it cause I knew he was crying because he just wanted me to get him and didn't understand why I didn't.

As far as "correcting the issue" in my experience, all that is important in the first few months is survival. Doing whatever gets everyone the most sleep! By 6 or 7 months, if you transistion them to the crib, they usually do fine. My son did. He has been sleeping 12 hours through the night in his crib since we put him in there at about 7 months. They are old enough to know at that point that you will always be there and will come back for them. Newborns don't have any idea of object permanence. Basically, if they can't see something it doesn't exist anymore. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving him crying for that reason.

Don't feel pressure or guilt if you decide you want to keep him with you at night. It's natural. All the rest of the animal kingdom does it, and every culture in the world besides ours does it too. Of course, if you decide you need him in the crib, you can try swaddling, or one of those sleep positioners to make him feel more "cuddled." My son would often sleep better on his side than on his back.

Good luck!

chelle4 · 01-26-2005, 08:33 AM

after about 8 weeks dh and i alsways insisted our kids sleep in their cribs. but i wasn't particular about position, in fact all slept on the tummy's, which most peds will say is fine again so long as your matress is regulary disinfected.

my advice on how would be to dress baby warm enough to not need blankets, unless you plan on swaddling. then i would pick a routine and stick with it. don't change it when it doesn't work the first night. ex. bath, get in pj's, sit in rocker and sing a lullaby very softly with the lights off in room. then place baby gently in crib in whatever position he may prefer. quietly leave room, making sure that all is quiet and dark. things that make noise or shed light will overstimulate baby, and make it even harder to sleep.

now be prepared for the crying to start. chech baby every 10-15 min to make sure he has not tangled himself or wedged himself in corner, then quietly leave without picking baby up. you may have to do this for hrs the first time. if baby ends up needing a feeding, quietly feed in the darkened room with no stimulation, and then start again. it will be rough the first 2-3 nights but you will be shocked at how quickly they respond and learn to comfort themselves.

as a parent if i new i had to go back to work, and baby would be in a daycare setting i would want to equip my child to comfort themselves. i have done this with all three of my kids ages 4 and twin 3 yrolds, and i will do this with the new baby do in july. all of my kids have slept thru the night around 8-12 weeks with one middle of the night feeding. the key is consistency and routine. i hope that helps

crystal_barnes · 01-26-2005, 11:16 AM

Thank you for your replies. I've tried the swaddling thing, and he absoletly hates it. Even in the hospital he hated it. I'm going to try the sleep positioner, because I noticed that he likes sleeping on his side more than his back. I just get sick to my stomach every night he's in the crib screaming. I don't know how many more nights I can take listening to him cry. Especially when he stops as soon as I pick him up. I feel bad, like I'm punishing him. I don't feel him sleeping in the car seat is an "issue", but the doctor does. I'm a first time mother and I don't know everything. The doctor feels that letting him sleep in the car seat will cause bigger issues as he gets older.

siren1024 · 01-26-2005, 01:01 PM

What kind of issues will sleeping in the carseat cause? Is your doctor older? I guess I just lucked out, because my doctor was Middle Eastern, and he saw absolutely no problem with those types of things, since culturally, it is acceptable and even expected for babies to sleep with or near their moms in other parts of the world.

My son went to sleep in his carseat every night and slept 4-5 hours. Then he woke for his nightime nurse, and I'd keep him with me for the rest of the night and we both got sleep. I remember trying to make him sleep on his own once and felt sick, just like you said. That's when I said "I'm his mother and I know instinctively that he needs ME!" So I just went with the flow. And as I said before, he transitioned beautifully to his crib at 7 months with a couple nights of crying it out in his crib. At that age, they're aware of alot more than just wanting you, KWIM?

My pediatrician told me of something he'd seen in school where video of Western moms and newborns were shown to women in Africa and Bangladesh. All the women were very distressed when watching the videos at how long it took western moms to respond to their babies cries. And they were all blown away by the way we try to force independence on such helpless young babies. They thought it wasn't natural. My pediatrician said "So if your instinct is telling you it's not natural, you have to go with it." He was a firm believer in prompt response to babies younger than 6 months.

He also said that babies younger than 6 months can't form habits or be spoiled. He attended University of Chicago Med School. So if there's anything you'll learn being a new mom, it's that doctors aren't God, and they aren't always right, and many of them will tell you many different things. You have to know that you know what's best for your baby and trust your instincts. Good luck! I know it's tough.