An update and concern - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

Frynd1 · 03-10-2005, 12:55 PM

First of all, let me update everyone on my post 'Forcing a baby to stay awake.' My sister has gotten better about letting her daughter sleep.

Unfortunately, I have a different concern this time. Yesterday, my sister got mad at my mother and I because we didn't want to go to her house and watch her baby for her. My mother and I were both tired (my mom works full-time and I am 7.5 months pregnant) and told my sister if she needed help, she could drop the baby off at our house. My sister refused to do that though and then got mad when we wouldn't go over there. Eventually, my mom gave in asked me to go with her to my sisters. We were only supposed to go to drop off formula though. When we got there, my sister was drinking a beer while my niece lay in the living room. The baby was naked while laying in her swing in the dark and was crying. I teared up and ran over to my niece, asking if she was hungry and my sister said "she doesn't get any clothes or milk because she has been spitting up all day." My mom wanted to stay because my sister had been drinking and we ended up staying there until 11 at night. Is it normal to get mad at your babies? I sit here and worry about what she's doing, realizing that I have one of my own on the way and am curious as to whether or not this behavior is normal? Do you guys' ever get this way? Is it okay to take their milk away if they're having trouble keeping it down?

I wanted to ask your opinions on baby-sitting too. My sister's husband won't let me watch their daughter. He has a drinking problem and I'd love to help out with my niece. He doesn't trust me though. My sister only lets me watch her when he is at work and then hides it from him. If he calls while I'm there, she won't answer the phone. Should I continue watching the baby behind his back? My sister won't stand up for me.

rouge · 03-10-2005, 01:11 PM

No! This is not normal behavior. While I admit having a newborn is very hard and trying I is not normal to punish the baby because of something the baby has no control over. Babies spit up - that's why there are bibs out there. Or you just change them a lot. This is abusive. The baby can get cold without any cloths on especially if the baby is wet. Also not feeding the baby is abusive and not helping the baby when she is crying is abusive. It makes me want to cry. That poor baby scared, cold and hungry in this big world and is left alone to cry. It's heartbreaking. I could never imagine that happening to my baby. Your sister needs help. She most likely has postpardem depression and she sounds very uneducated. Make sure she gets help if she will not - call social services.

rouge · 03-10-2005, 01:12 PM

Also your neice is very lucky to have you and your mother in her life.

Frynd1 · 03-10-2005, 01:25 PM

I hate to critisizie my sister's actions when my own baby isn't here yet. What if I turn out that way? Am I being naive? This is my first baby and I wonder if I am overreacting?

I love my niece as if she were my own. I wanted to cry when I saw her laying there, naked and crying, reaching her arms out for someone to pick her up. My sister said, "you know what, if she is going to act that way then just put her down and let her cry herself to sleep." My mother even said that my niece needs to learn how to soothe herself though.

tigger_girl76 · 03-10-2005, 01:45 PM

What your sister is doing sounds very abusive. Who knows how long the baby was left to lay there crying like that? I don't think you really need to be asking if this is normal behaviour because I don't really believe you're that naive. I'm sure that you know this isn't normal and that you're scared for your niece's safety and well-being.

Your sister needs to get some help but from the sound of things she is unlikely to go and get it herself. You can make an anonymous call to Social Services. Express your concerns and get somebody to go around and take a look at the situation. If your brother-in-law has a drinking problem and your sis is suffering from depression somebody else needs to step in for that baby's sake.