Help with controlled crying please - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

Spanish · 12-02-2005, 02:55 PM

Hello All.

I'm having problems getting my 4-month old DD to nap during the day - she will literally be awake from 8am to 4pm! She does get tired during the day and as soon as I see her yawn or rub her eyes I take her upstairs and try to lay her down in her cot. Sometimes this works and she takes herself off to sleep but most of the time she just screams blue-murder as soon as I put her down..so I pick her up again. Then she will drop off in my arms but as soon as I go to lay her down she starts crying and is screaming at full volume by the time I take my hands away. So I pick her up again and start over. After four or five cycles of that she will sometimes stay asleep when I lay her down or sometimes just goes through the sleepy phase and gets all awake and happy again without having a nap.

My Health Visitor has told me that I'm not giving her a chance to go to sleep because the instant she cries I rush in and pick her up. But we're not talking about a bit of fussing here we're talking about full-volume screams.

The Health Visitor has suggested that I try controlled crying (leave her 2 minutes then go in and soothe without picking her up, leave in a bit longer next time etc). I tried it tonight and gave up quite quickly because firstly it was tearing my heart out and secondly I didn't know if I was doing it right...and that's where I need the help. I can understand that if the baby is happy when you put them down you can walk away and if they start crying give them a few minutes to see if they settle themselves rather than rushing straight in, but my baby is screaming as soon as she feels herself being laid down. I'm surely not supposed to walk out of the room when she's like that am I?!

Plus when I go back in she is inconsolable and won't stop howling until I pick her up. As soon as I pick her up she calms down but starts to scream as soon as I try to lay her down again.

I'm thinking that this is a technique that is only going to work when she is reasonably calm when I first lay her down right? I can't see any way that she is going to go off to sleep when she is screaming at full volume. Do I just accept that when she has reached the level of tiredness that she screams as soon as I put her down then I'm just going to have to rock her to sleep? But I can try to be a bit more firm when she isn't so over-tired?

Any advice or comments would be much appreciated. I only tried for about 3 lots of 2 minutes tonight but I felt physically sick and tearfull by the end of that time and if that's what I'm supposed to do then I can't do it!

Spanish

jenn.e · 12-02-2005, 03:42 PM

For my baby, that screaming and crying didnt let up until 5 months. Just the past few weeks I can set her in the crib and she will dose off. But she was exactly the same, she would scream so loud that her head would sweat and she would start coughing and choking. I wish I had answers but nothing I did really helped. I think it just an age thing.
Goodluck

rouge · 12-02-2005, 05:05 PM

I think your baby will continue to scream if you leave for two minutes or whatever amount of time. She does not know how to put herself to sleep yet. That will come later. Now I would pick a time before she starts yawning during the day around 10 ish. She may be overtiered and thus wired. Then you could try rocking her to sleep and then waiting until she is in deep deep sleep 15 minutes before you lay her down. If she continues to wake then just keep trying. If you leave her to cry you are just breaking her and showing her that you will not be there for her. Maybe the controlled crying works for some babies. My son would have screamed bloody murder if I left the room. I just kept at the rocking to sleep. Sometimes he would only sleep 15 minutes and sometimes 30. Took a long time before he was sleeping for longer periods of time. I was just consistant. Naps everyday sametime. I also used the car a lot for naps during that time. I figured at least he was sleeping and maybe his body will start getting used to a nap at this time. It all worked itself out.

Spanish · 12-03-2005, 03:47 AM

Thanks for your replies. She can put herself to sleep because she does do it sometimes - but I think when she is not too over-tired. My DH said pretty much the same thing as Rouge - that we shouldn't wait until she is obviously tired but at certain times of the day (eg when she has been awake 3 hours) even if she doesn't look tired we should go lay her down in her cot and even if she doesn't sleep she will have some quiet time and may then learn how to doze off. We tried it this morning and she is in her cot at the moment, I can hear her sucking her hands occasionally but she isn't crying and I really think she is going to doze off. Fingers crossed.

Spanish

Boo Boo · 12-03-2005, 09:56 AM

Hi,

l experienced this too. My health visitor recommended that l give Annaum a bath every nite followed by her feed. l then put her in her cot to sleep she may cry for 5 minutes and l know its hard but l have to refrain from going into the room to pick her. l know she is content as she has been bathed, changed and fed. She then stops and dozes off and she may cry again but its fine as long as she does not go on for more then 10 minutes its important for you to stay away from her during this time as you need to have some rest too and your little one will learn to sleep. Good luck xxx