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Old 01-05-2006, 11:00 AM   #1
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son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

my son is eight months old and my sex drive is just not here. at least now when i am doing it, once a week, i do enjoy it once we get into it. but the starting up of it is not there. i just think....great....lets get this over with. my husband does not get it and neither do i. anyone else having this problem? i am tired and just want to relax at the end of the night. what is wrong with me. i find my husband attractive still but i am not horny. i am not even masturbating. i don't get it....help

 
Old 01-05-2006, 11:07 AM   #2
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

Are you still breastfeeding? I know after my DD was born I had the same issue and the Dr said because I was breastfeeding that it does something to your hormones that causes that, but even after I stopped breastfeeding I found the birth control pills seemed to do much the same, ask your Dr to see if s/he can recommend something. Also, My Dr said to make sure to have plenty of foreplay and use lubricant because the hormones make you produce less natural lubricant which can make sex uncomfortable and not much fun. Good luck.
P.S My DS is 4 1/2 months old and I feel the same way you are feeling.

 
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Old 01-05-2006, 12:04 PM   #3
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

no i never did breastfeed. i just don't have it. i don't know if it is because i am tired or what. i am just not the same as i used to be. i used to like to have sex at least three to four times a week.

 
Old 01-05-2006, 12:54 PM   #4
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

My problem is, I just dont feel attractive anymore. I have been shopping around for a corset. Some thing to flatten my belly, perk up my boobs and make me feel sexy.
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Last edited by jenn.e; 01-05-2006 at 08:26 PM.

 
Old 01-05-2006, 02:43 PM   #5
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

I fell the same way and foreplay hell, I don't want to be touched. I used to be interested all the time... especially more so when pregnant. I know for us we have some issues that really were not all that important before baby, but now they are and also more issues. I just try to relax and think about what I like to do that I liked then, and we just go at my pace. See if you can't pinpoint a few things that you enjoy and try that. Even nonsexual things. Or maybe see if some smells will help trigger your libido. I know as odd as this sounds (and embarrasing) my hubbies deodorant does it for me.... most of the time. As far as the sexy thing.. I don't either...

 
Old 01-05-2006, 05:19 PM   #6
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

I'll tell ya what made me not want any, was from the fear of getting pregnant so soon....Even with condem use, it was still in my mind....And your body is trying to get adjusted to the change of night time feedings and less sleep that you were once custom to.....Hell, it's been 2 yrs since my last, and I am lucky if I want in twice a month, but when it happens it's a "banging" good time, lol.....

 
Old 01-05-2006, 10:20 PM   #7
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

I have the same problem as well. Before I was always ready lol. Now I can't be bothered. I think it's just being home with DS all day and never having much time to myself does it. I just want to be alone and have some peace and quiet to myself at night. What makes it worse is that DH bugs me about it all the time and that turns me off even more. He doesn't seem to get that after I've taken care of the baby all day, finally got my house cleaning done at 8 o'clock at night, bathed DS and put him to bed that I'm not even in the mood to move let alone sex. I've been trying to explain, a little help at night so I can have a little me time and maybe he'd get lucky. Hasn't worked yet.

 
Old 01-06-2006, 05:59 AM   #8
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

I don't mind having sex. I just want to skip all the foreplay. I think this has to do with the fact that I hate my body and how much weight is on it and how I look. I know if I felt better about myself I would be into all of it again.

 
Old 01-06-2006, 06:47 AM   #9
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

Totally normal, I had it for 10 mos. I would agree with the other posts who said it was due to feeling bad about their bodies and hormonal changes.

The most important thing is that your husband understand that this is normal. Have him read these if he does'nt. For every 1 posts there are prob. 20 out there who would agree. (take an informal poll with friends and ask them how they over came it. I think time is the most important factor).

 
Old 01-06-2006, 10:42 AM   #10
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

That is the same with my husband. He does not get it. He bothers me about it and that is a turn off too. And as for fore play , i don't feel like it either. I like the sex when we do it but i just don't feel like it often. His attitude does not help at all. he has gotten much better after we watched a dr. phill show together. But he is inpatient and feels like if he tries once and gets turned down he might as well through in the towel. that and he feels like if he does not mention anything for two weeks he is then mad because i did not get better all of the sudden. i don't know what the problem is. i just don't feel like it. i like hanging out with him and spending time with him once the baby is asleep but i just want to lay around and talk , not exert more of my energy. i know it is normal but i just wish that he did not base our over all relationship status on wether we had sex or not.

 
Old 01-06-2006, 02:40 PM   #11
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

Before DS was born, I was an avid reader and I kept excess weight off by walking an hour a day. And in the winter or when it rained, I'd walk on the treadmill which had a book holder. I also would unwind before bed by taking a nice relaxing bath and sometimes read while deep conditioning my hair or using a face mask.

Nowdays, I get up an hour earlier to get myself ready before getting DS ready for daycare. Then when I come home from work it's rush rush rush to get dinner ready, bathe DS or play with him until his bed time. And sometimes he just will not go to bed, so all I want to do when I go to bed is sleep. I also have a bit of a dryness problem -- since I don't have time to read any steamy novels anymore, so it's really really hard to get in the mood.

I sometimes don't even have anymore to even sit down and take a pee, let alone get even a half hour to unwind and do some reading. DH has time to play computer games while I bathe DS at night. While I'm getting DS ready for daycare he's reading the paper, drinking coffee in his "reading room" and when I'm feeding DS his dinner at night, he's in his reading room, reading a magazine.

I try to explain to DH that I NEED some time to myself to unwind (get ready) and he just doesn't get it. Men! I just figure eventually I'll be able to take a bath with out an audience, go pee without DS trying to yank me off the pot and ask me to play.

 
Old 01-06-2006, 02:46 PM   #12
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

I hear ya. I don't think they get it. They just seem to think it is automatically our responsibility. I don't understand that thinking either. It makes me so mad when my husband comes home and says " i am going to take a nap", especially when I had to work really late the night before and have been up with the baby all day. That or the days where he will actually get up with the baby and let me sleep for a while, he is freaking in there at nine asking when i will get up. wow! a lot of sleep that was. he is getting better it seems. there are times where he is good and then he takes two steps back. what kills me is on those mornings where he is with the baby for a few hours before i get up he acts like he has really done something huge for me and is so worn out. does he ever think what it is like to do that day in and day out and then where i would get the energy to have sex. of course not

 
Old 01-09-2006, 10:02 AM   #13
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

I'm so glad someone brought this up, cause I was starting to feel a little abnormal! I couldn't care less if we have sex. I mean if we do, I mostly enjoy it, but I never have that "gotta have it" feeling anymore. Plus, my husbands idea of foreplay is "Hey, wanna go fool around?". Not very romantic.
By the way Shonks5, I don't know what it is, but I find the smell of my hubby's deodorant a turn on too, so you're not alone!

 
Old 02-12-2006, 06:22 PM   #14
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

omg
this post was scary
i mean are we sure we are not all married to the same man ,

why does it have to be us that has the problem
show me one women who gets turned on when she finnaly gets to sit down after doing homework, playing taxi driver, cooking, cleaning, changing nasty diapers ect... and the first words out of the bone heads mouth next to her is " so are we having sex tonight , or can i have some boobie time" well
g-wiz i'm hot now!! sure hun lets go!!!! race ya there!!!!

come on ladies give your selves some credit
i know we have extra wieght and we still have some hormonal things going on
but they to have gotten a lil to comfortable with us and have forgotten that they need to try to get "some" not expect to get "some"
thats all i have to say about that( obvius sore spot ) and if we are married to the same man you can have him, i'm exhausted !

 
Old 02-08-2007, 02:05 PM   #15
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Re: son is 8 month old and still i have no sex drive. any suggestions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tomatoes49 View Post
omg
this post was scary
i mean are we sure we are not all married to the same man ,

why does it have to be us that has the problem
show me one women who gets turned on when she finnaly gets to sit down after doing homework, playing taxi driver, cooking, cleaning, changing nasty diapers ect... and the first words out of the bone heads mouth next to her is " so are we having sex tonight , or can i have some boobie time" well
g-wiz i'm hot now!! sure hun lets go!!!! race ya there!!!!

come on ladies give your selves some credit
i know we have extra wieght and we still have some hormonal things going on
but they to have gotten a lil to comfortable with us and have forgotten that they need to try to get "some" not expect to get "some"
thats all i have to say about that( obvius sore spot ) and if we are married to the same man you can have him, i'm exhausted !
This was posted a long time ago but I am just now reading it. lol. I love it and I hear ya! I still have the problem of hardly ever wanting sex and my son is now 21months old. We do share house hold duties a lot more equally which makes me a happier person. It is still the biggest turn off in the world to know that my husband could care less if I want to have sex or not and he still wants to wether I am into it or not. What happened to the days where he would ask or come onto me and I would tell him i did not feel like it and he would say "o, well honey I want both of us to be into it or i don't want to do it".

 
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