Feeling Like a Bad Mom - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

2fst · 01-23-2006, 04:22 PM

I love my DS so much but some days things just make me feel like I am not a good mom.
Like today, I am getting over the flu, which while I had DS spent the night at my mom's. I am still weak today and all DS wants me to do is hold him, which I don't mind doing if he is getting sick. But I just don't have the energy so I sent him back to my mom's. I love him but I feel like I can't handle him.
Another thing is, when he is at my mom's, he is a perfect angel. He will sit in his highchair and finish a whole jar of food, but when I have him he starts to scream and get fusterated so he never finishes even though he is hungry. I try to do things the same way she does too. Also he will take naps by her house without his swaddle blanket but will never sleep with out at home here.
I want him home but half the time I think he is happier at grandma's. But on the other hand when he is home with me, he just fusterates me. For the past 3 weeks he has been going through seperation anxiety and it is only getting worse. I run out of patience with him. I was crying when I came down with the flu and had to send him to my mom's and then he isn't even home a whole day and I am telling DH take him back there. I am crying as I do it but I just can't handle him. I do work part time so he goes to my mom's then but DH is pushing me to pick up more hours since I get so annoyed at DS. I think DS going through this seperation anxiety thing is what is pushing me too far. Some days I feel like I love him less since it started. The whining day in and out gets on my nerves but I love him and miss him so much every time I have to bring him to my mom's. It is like an emotional roller coster. I know this got long but I needed to let it out.

sweetea13 · 01-23-2006, 05:08 PM

You are not a bad mom you are human! I wish I had some advice for you but I have only been doing this mom thing for about 3 weeks. You are probably more on edge than normal cause you have had the flu. That would wear on anyone. I hope you feel better and hope things get better. At least you can feel good that he is happy at Grandmas!

roxyfoxy · 01-23-2006, 05:30 PM

How long has your baby stayed at your Mom's? I wouldn't call it seperation anxiety if he was away from you for a couple days. He misses his mom and wants to feel the security he gets from you.
I know what you mean about feeling like a bad mom. I feel the same. Lately, all I want DS to do is sleep. This is my first baby and sometimes I just feel like I want that alone time again. I could drop him off at MIL's sometimes, but I know she likes to stick things in his mouth like fruit. He's 2 months old so that's not healthy and I am so worried she doesn't listen to me when I'm not around.
He always gets so fussy in the evening 5 or 6pm. I can't seem to make him happy at that time and it makes me insane. DH works 7days and the midnight shift, so I don't want to bother him for a break, but I just feel like I'm going crazy. When I wake up in the morning I feel great. I love watching him and talking to him through out the day because he's so happy, but once evening hits, forget it. I know everyone is going to say he's tired, but he naps for an hour or two at a time through out the day. I don't have much advice for you since I am going through the same. Maybe someone can chime in for both of us. Good Luck

rouge · 01-23-2006, 05:53 PM

I am starting to think about having my 2nd baby and then I read your post and remember all the hard times. If only they could come out 2!! My mom does not live close by so I had to do it all on my own. Sick/healthy/sleep deprived, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I did make it through, and am now stronger for it. I just remember how hard it was. Hang in there it will pass even though it seems like that is forever from now. I agree that you are feeling extra stressed becasue you are sick. You will have renowned energy and positiveness when you have all your strength back. Right now enjoy that your mom can help. Babies are most hard on their moms. Your baby trusts you and thats why he acts up around you.

Altson · 01-24-2006, 08:44 AM

2Fast - you're a good Mom, I read your posts all the time, you're normal, caring, concerned and loving. That being said, babies are freaking hard!!!! Give yourself a huge pat on the back for even attempting it and not running off down the road pulling your hair out.

The separation anxiety phases are VERY difficult and can be more intense in some babies. Don't feel guilty about wanting to spend less time with your son, it's normal. Have him be with your Mom as often as she's willing, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Don't feel guilty about wanting to work more hours either, every Mom is different and if you aren't at your best, you can't expect to be the very best Mom you can be for your son.

Roxy - you hang in there too, you're baby has the "5 o'clock fuss fiesta" going on. We used to dread that time of day. All of our kids went through it. It doesn't go away as they get older either, it just changes. My older kids still go through the major crabbies at that time every night. It's the end of the long day, transitioning to dinner and bed time routine and time to let off the stress that's built up. Adults go through it as well, we just don't whine and cry.