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Old 02-07-2006, 09:30 PM   #1
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Exclamation episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

I delivered about 2 1/2 months ago and had an episiotomy. I tried to have sex a couple times recently, but i can't because it hurts too much. I can't even get his tip to go in me, just when he's about to and his tip goes in it hurts way too much. I tried to relax and took a warm bath before we tried, but it's no help. I'm afraid that this is going to last forever. Does anyone know how long it takes to heal? Or am I going to suffer like this forever.

 
Old 02-08-2006, 07:27 AM   #2
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

It took about 5 months until I felt mostly comfortable. We still make sure we use a ton of lubricant. The problem is, once it hurts, every time after you are so afraid it will hurt that it makes you clench, and then it hurts more! Did you have a check-up with your doctor to make sure everything healed properly? If not, you may want to do that, or see the doctor anyway to find out if there is anything they can do.

 
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Old 02-08-2006, 07:47 AM   #3
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

Laur is right, it's mostly your stress about it that causes it to hurt. Definitely see your Dr. about it though. Use TONS of lubricant. Don't be shy, use anything that makes you feel more calm about it, I'm sure your hubby/partner would be happy to help out. If you drink, having a glass or two of wine beforehand can also help to relax you. Are you stressing too maybe because the baby is there also? Can you get a date night and have someone watch the baby for a few hours?

I had a Stage 4 episiotomy with my first baby and I was absolutely convinced I would never have sex again because it hurt so bad. It does heal and get better over time.

 
Old 02-08-2006, 10:47 AM   #4
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

It's not that I'm not relaxed. I put my hand down there at the opening and if I put a little pressure at the opening against the epesiotomy, it's sore and hurts a lot. I went to the doctor at my 6 week visit and she said it looked good. When she checked me it did hurt a little, but that was just her finger she put in there. She said to use lubrication and I have been trying with lubrication, but still it hurts. I guess I should wait a few more months. I'm just worried that this is going to be hurting everytime I have sex. I am so scared.

 
Old 02-08-2006, 09:10 PM   #5
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

I had lots of pain after my episiotomy for MANY months afterward. I didn't even attempt intercourse with my husband for about 10 weeks after the birth of our first child, and it hurt for a long time afterward. It does get better, but can take awhile. Stress may have a little to do with it, but being ripped/cut open and sewed back up can take a long time to heal. Maybe you can find other ways to --um...uh-- pleasure each other until things return to normal.

 
Old 02-27-2006, 01:53 PM   #6
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

I'm the one who originally posted this question. It's been over 3 months now and we tried to have sex again and it still hurts like hell! I can't have sex still. I noticed it gets red and tender after I try to have sex. I went to the doctor, but she didn't help much. She was not even listening to my concerns. She was overbooked like usual and was trying to get me out as soon as possible. She said to try again and come back to see her if it still hurts. She looked at me for a minute and said the cut is healed and she didn't know what it was. I tried to make an appt. with the doctor who delivered my baby since he was the one who did this to me. The problem is he retired 3 weeks after I gave birth! I'm going to see his associate next month. I'm in tears because I don't feel any improvement. It doesn't hurt when I'm up and about. Only hurts when I try to have intercourse. I'm really scared now. Anyone have this experience? Please help.

 
Old 02-28-2006, 07:37 AM   #7
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

Hey Jazz - first, try to relax and not be scared. I know that's easy for me to say. I'm sorry you are having Dr. issues, that is horrible, and unfortunately, happens to all of us with the way our healthcare system has come to be. Keep after the Drs., can you change until you find one that is more in tune with your needs?

Ok, hopefully this won't be too explicit for you, but can you insert anything in to your vagina? For instance, has your DH been able to use his finger(s) or can you? If you haven't tried this, maybe you could with lots of lubricant. I'm thinking that if you could do that, then there isn't a problem, you'll just need time to loosen back up. Sometimes, the full on intercourse is a bit much if your body is slow in healing. If this doesn't work, I would definitely see another Dr. and express your concerns. Do you have a family practitioner other than your OB Dr.? Sometimes they are much easier to approach and can set aside more time for their patients. They are educated in the general gynecological stuff too.

Let us know what happens.

 
Old 02-28-2006, 02:28 PM   #8
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Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

I can sympathize, I had stiches just outside of my vagina on both sides and sex hurt like hell for the first 4mo, I did find that the pain was worst in the first 5 min and then got better. Now after 7mo, it still hurts but for a lot less (maybe the first 30s)
Yes using lots of lubricant is a must, but I think time is what's needed here.

I think the scar tissue doesn't stretch as well as normal skin and that's why it feels so tight.

 
Old 02-28-2006, 03:23 PM   #9
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dizzygirl HB User
Re: episiotomy - Can't have sex...hurts

Just because the doctor gave you the go ahead, may not mean you are ready. It took me so long to even try, and it still hurst a little to this day ( 10 months post partum) My doc said it would take about 10 times to feel better, but I'm still waiting! I also tore really bad.......

 
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