mil's - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

weepyone · 03-20-2006, 01:07 PM

has anyone got any advice for dealing with my mil?

she was neasty to me through my pg and previous m/c not showing any interest or really wanting to talk about my pg or the baby even though this is her first grandchild. anyway i could tell you loads of terrible examples of her nastiness and selfishness but would bore you to tears.

anyway now she won't stay away and when she sees ds she keeps trying to wake him up just so she can see his eyes

. silly woman. the other day she spent 3 hours trying to wake him up by keep rocking him and making noises intermitantly i was so proud of ds as he stayed fast asleep ha ha to her. i don't want her to pick him up whilst he is sleeping but i mean what kind of person wakes a sleeping baby to see his eyes??? the best laugh i had was when she told me she did not sleep for 2 nights after ds was born because she kept seeing his face when she closed her eyes lol this like i say from a woman who was as cold as ice to me during my pg and could not appear to bare talking about ds before he arrived.

so my question is how do i get her to do as i want her to and leave ds asleep or in his crib when he needs to be resting without me seeming to be the bad person here? she is coming tomorrow with dh aunty and the 2 of them will be like knowalls and i don't want them to snap at me or be rude to me. ant answers would be gratefully recieved

sickofit · 03-20-2006, 01:51 PM

hey weepy! I lurk on the infant boards occasionally since I'm so ready for this kid to come out! I have lots of experience with a mil that I am less than friendly with. The funny thing is that we got along very well until I got pregnant with our first (who is now 5). I told her that I wasn't comfortable b/feeding and she couldn't understand and would mail me books and breastfeeding! Very passive aggressive!! she always had to tell me how she did something, and how I might try that since she knows more about me than raising kids... yeah 30 years ago!!!!!

The only suggestion I have (as I know how trying to put your foot down makes you look like the a**hole) is to say that he had a bad night and he really needs his sleep... or chicken out and make your dh tell her!

Good luck!

Ratatosk · 03-20-2006, 02:40 PM

My inlaws never listen to a word I say. On the one hand the birth of DS sorta brought the family closer together -- we've always had an uncomfortable relationship -- basically 'cuz they made it known that they didn't much care for me when I first started dating DH and got in the middle of a disagreement between DH & me vs. DH's brother's psychotic wife and took her side on everything for "the sake of the grandchildren".

Anyway, we just kept repeating "Never wake a sleeping child". In any event, kids pick up on certain vibes at a very young age -- your baby will probably decide early on that grandma's disturbing his sleep and won't want to have any part of that.

People are excited to see the baby. Maybe arrange for them to visit when you know DS is going to be awake. Also, we required anyone who wanted to hold DS to wash their hands -- make sure you do that when they walk in the door 'cuz there are a lot of germs going around this spring.

Celestine · 03-20-2006, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sickofit

The only suggestion I have (as I know how trying to put your foot down makes you look like the a**hole) is to say that he had a bad night and he really needs his sleep... or chicken out and make your dh tell her!

Good luck!

Talking to you DH about it isn't a bad idea. It's his mom, so maybe he should step up and let her know. He's obviously going to have a stronger relationship with her than you do so she might listen to him. He should back you up. If he doesn't, you might just have to straight out say it. It's your baby and she needs to respect that now.

Ratatosk · 03-20-2006, 03:28 PM

Sounds to me as if it's an attention getting thing and that she's a little poorly socialized. Excited about having a grandchild and then thinking she's being funny about wanting to see his eyes. When people at work bring in a new baby, it's usually sleeping and we'll quietly joke --- pinch her, wake her up we wanna see her eyes. BUT, it's said in jest and no one would dare intentionally wake up a sleeping baby.

Also, it's an adjustment period. You're probably sleep deprived, raging hormones, pretty sensitive to things, plus you have to play nice with a MIL who drives you nuts in the first place. Just take a deep breath. Mention it to DS prior to their visit and maybe if she says it again while he's around he can have a talk with her.