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Old 03-22-2006, 03:22 PM   #1
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sweetea13 HB User
Does DH help much?

Just curious??? How much do all of your DH help or not help out with your babies? I am just wondering how most men contribute!

 
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Old 03-22-2006, 06:43 PM   #2
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Re: Does DH help much?

I dont get much help at all. I've already had 1 serious Talk with DH, but that was good for about 48 hours, then back to no help. I'm planning another Talk real soon. I honestly feel like a single mom...DD's dad just happens to live in the same house with us. I take care of the baby about 23 hours a day...7 days a week. He takes the attitude that since I SAH now, I am always rested and have no work committments anymore, so it should be a piece of cake to "just take care of the baby".

DD is 6 months old. He has only given her a bath once...and that's because I made him so I could take a picture. Same thing with solid foods...once for a picture and he only fed her a couple bites & said he was done. He did give her a couple bottles a week for about 2 months early on, but he quit doing that too.

Only time he volunteers to take her off my hands is conveniently when it's time for me to cook. Any other time he has her, I make him take her so I can eat, clean up, shower, etc. I had to arrange a week in advance to get out of the house for myself so I could X-mas shop. Still, if I don't tell DH several days in advance that I'm going to the mall by myself & he will watch DD he acts like his day is ruined.

He's never taken her out of the house unless I've gone with.

He changes about 2 diapers a week. He's never made a diaper run...he always has some excuse for not being able to run out. Guess who goes to Wal-Mart at 9pm?? Me.

I've bought all her toys with my own money.

He's never got out of bed early when the baby wakes up. I think he's got out of bed in the middle of the night 2 or 3 times. He'll go in and pat her down if she's fussing at bedtime, but that was only about once every 2 weeks. He hasn't helped out at bedtime for a couple months now.

He's been on my case wondering when I'm going to go get portraits of DD.

On weekends, he goes to bed whenever he wants and gets up around 10am, talks to his family on the phone, showers, and runs errands.

The thing that breaks my heart more than anything is that I only have 1 picture of me and DD. DH took it in the hospital (I made him take it). I have a ton of pics of DH and DD (bathing, eating, playing, etc) but the pics are a complete Lie! They don't represent anything that actually happens. They are all staged by me. Makes me want to cry typing this.

This makes my DH look really bad. I know it does. I kind of feel bad even writing this. He is a nice guy, but he seems to think his life can go on unaffected with a new baby. He loves his daughter very much. He loves me very much. He has just not become the Dad I thought...and HE was the one who wanted to have kids more than I did. He even wants another one. Yeah, right.

 
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Old 03-22-2006, 08:11 PM   #3
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Re: Does DH help much?

Ah... gayle... I hear ya and I feel yer pain. My hubby isn't quite as bad but he has really bad moments. And I have to get after him. on the days when you are finally baby free (when you are doing shopping etc.) and you MAKE him take DD - doesn't he realize then what hard work it is for you?

that is what happened to a friend of mine - she MADE her hubby watch their DD for a day - 1 day! and he said to her - HOLY CRAP this is SO freaken hard - what work!! No kidding right.?? My hubby wants another kid too - and I am like - OK we need to discuss it in 6 months... I honestly don't want another one. maybe its my age I am 36 now - and I value my sleep - LMAO!

OK - you need to stage the photos for YOU too - damn it . I know it will be more "work" ... .but you MUST gayle - for your little girl and for you. Make hubby take them !! Promise you will ! Have another talk with him - and vent here any time you want! I will do the same!

 
Old 03-22-2006, 08:38 PM   #4
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Re: Does DH help much?

Wow, I feel lucky. My DH is a big help for me when he can be. He works early in the morning (7am), so I take care of the babies (we have 4 week old twin girls) when he is at work and during the weeknights so he can get a good night's sleep. But when he gets home at night and on the weekends when he's home, he will hold them, feed and change them for me so I can get things done around the house, take a shower, or take a nap. But once he goes to bed, I take care of them when they wake up for nighttime feedings/changings, etc. He also gets up with them during the night on the weekends and helps out with them, too. I go back to work in 4 weeks, and he already knows that he'll then have to get up with me during the weeknights to help out, and he's fine with that. I feel so blessed to know that I have a husband who knows it's also his responsibility to help me take care of OUR children.

 
Old 03-22-2006, 08:51 PM   #5
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Re: Does DH help much?

I have a wonderful husband. When we brought ds home he would get up and change his diaper and then bring him to me while i waited in the rocking chair to breastfeed..and he would wait with me the hour that ds would nurse...(I had the baby blues and would cry during the night ) It helped a lot to have him there.
He gives ds a bath..plays..when we go shopping he would carry him around everywhere in his arms or in the baby bjourn or wants to push the stroller all the time!! He sometimes will change ds diaper when we're out eating in a restaurant and finds that not all men's washrooms are equipped with a change table!!
Now that ds is 8mos..and when he was starting to sleep through the night dh would wake up dh would go in and give him his soother.
If I could, I would send out some "give your wife some more help" vibes to all those daddies who need to help you more!!!
Best Wishes!!!!!
S
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Old 03-22-2006, 09:14 PM   #6
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MissT HB User
Re: Does DH help much?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gayle0000
I dont get much help at all. I've already had 1 serious Talk with DH, but that was good for about 48 hours.
same here and when I was having a nightmare of a pregnancy I remember a lot of promises made of how easy I'd have it afterwards and if this is easy.... lol

I will say he is a great provider/works so I can't say much about that. But I take care of everything else from bookkeeping, kids, household even outdoor stuff most of the time.

I'd love more help.

 
Old 03-22-2006, 09:37 PM   #7
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Re: Does DH help much?

Gayle,
I could have written your post. I feel you. My DH also wants another baby RIGHT NOW!! I think hes crazy. But, its because his life has hardly changed since DS. I do all the hard work.

 
Old 03-23-2006, 07:16 AM   #8
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Re: Does DH help much?

I'm lucky to have a great helper. For part of it he has no choice. We work opposite schedules so that someone is always home with the kids. He gets home from work around 1AM and I leave for work at 4AM, so he has to get up with the kids 5 days a week around 6am. He has them by himself until about 11AM when I get home. When we are together we each take a kid. Or one of us will watch both of them while the other cleans up the house. We take turns. He is also very understanding when I'm stressed and tells me to get out of the house and relax.

To top it all off, last Thursday he took the day off. I came home to flowers and champagne. Then I got a massage, manicure and pedicure. He drove me to and from my appoinments. Then he put the kids to bed and proceeded to cook me steak and lobster for dinner. It was wonderful...and so is he
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Old 03-23-2006, 07:59 AM   #9
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friday13 HB User
Re: Does DH help much?

Wow Kiera u lucky dog! hee hee!! Hold on to that man!

 
Old 03-23-2006, 08:59 AM   #10
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Re: Does DH help much?

Some days my DH is the best father in the world and on other days I am left wondering what got into him. Since DS was about 3 wks DH took over the night time feedings. I was too tired to do it and even though DH works he can handle less sleep then me. DH also is the one that gives DS most of his bathes. I say the dirty diapers are spilt about 50/50. When DH is home I send him off to change DS diaper. DH also makes sure my lunch and breakfast are made before he leaves in the morning. Also almost every night DH gets on the floor and plays with DS for about an hour. This is all wonderful but then DH has his days where he decides to drive me crazy. Like the other morning I woke up before DS with a really bad stomach ache. DH has his own business so I called him to please come home to help dress and feed DS when he woke up and then go back to work. DH was about less then 15 minutes away. An hour later he shows up. This is after I had fed DS and changed a dirty diaper and dressed him (in between trips to the bathroom). Then when he gets home here he starts doing office work. Any other day he would have come right back home and took over but some days he has to try to set me off or something.

 
Old 03-23-2006, 09:41 AM   #11
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Re: Does DH help much?

DH does so much better with the kids now that they are older. He just watched the kids for a solid week by himself while I went out of the country with my sister with no complaints.In fact I came home to DS using the potty. I felt like he need to do more when I was nursing but I could of been a bit jealous of his freedom.He bathes the kids at least 3 nights a weeks and feeds them healthy usually. I am very lucky.

Wouldn't mind some flowers and champagne though.

 
Old 03-23-2006, 09:42 AM   #12
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Indianchick72 HB User
Re: Does DH help much?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sevans929
Wow, I feel lucky. My DH is a big help for me when he can be. He works early in the morning (7am), so I take care of the babies (we have 4 week old twin girls) when he is at work and during the weeknights so he can get a good night's sleep. But when he gets home at night and on the weekends when he's home, he will hold them, feed and change them for me so I can get things done around the house, take a shower, or take a nap. But once he goes to bed, I take care of them when they wake up for nighttime feedings/changings, etc. He also gets up with them during the night on the weekends and helps out with them, too. I go back to work in 4 weeks, and he already knows that he'll then have to get up with me during the weeknights to help out, and he's fine with that. I feel so blessed to know that I have a husband who knows it's also his responsibility to help me take care of OUR children.
Me and my husband have the same arrangement...I take care of DD who is almost 5 weeks old during the day and at night, but when he gets home at 5 he takes over so I can nap or whatever. On the weekends it's both of us alternating getting up. It's been working so far...I dread having to go back to work in 8 weeks.

Rochelle
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Old 03-23-2006, 10:20 AM   #13
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Re: Does DH help much?

My DH was useless too and I vowed not to have anymore kids w/ him. The biggest turn around came at a time when he was very sick and stayed at home for 3wks. He saw how much work it was for me to look after DS. After that I left DS w/ him couple times for a day as well.

Before this we fought, talked about it, I complained. Nothing made a dent until he stayed at home for the 3wks and himself spent a whole day w/ DS. Since then, I swear, he is NOT the same man. He started to spend so much time w/ him that I at times found myself annoyed that I could't hold or do something w/DS

I've also learned to tell DH to do things, no longer am I mad on the inside while I wish he would do something, I just have him do it. This has happend enough that now DH assumes that some tasks are his respsonsibility (which I love).

So bad fathers CAN become great dads w/ some stern encouragment and creative planning.

 
Old 03-23-2006, 11:28 AM   #14
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sweetea13 HB User
Re: Does DH help much?

I posted this thread because I was really curious what the norm was. I wasn't sure. I feel I have one of the best DH in the entire world, I really do but since the baby came he helps alot less than I expected, it makes me feel bad cause I stay at home and he works all day, I feel bad asking him for help when I know he has worked hard all day. But I have too, ya know? Then one weekend DH was working in our backyard, not sure what he was doing since we have a new house and absolutely no landscaping but I was trying to take a shower and DS was crying so I had to get out. But DH was "busy" outside. I broke down and told him all I wanted was to take a shower...since then things got a little better but my biggest complaint was that DH didn't hold DS much, I know when they are newborns they are kinda boring to most men but it made me feel bad for DS, he needs comforting from his dad too. I really don't mind doing almost all the work, I really don't, but I just thought DH would want to be with DS more, I thought he would want to help more. I went to pick up my family from the airport the other day and DS had a melt down while at home with DH. when I got home he was the happiest baby ever. I told DH that is why he needs to spend more time with him, and help with him more so DS is comfortable. I love my DS more than anything and I want him to be happy, yes he is still very little but it makes me nervous if I were to leave for a night out, he would probably scream and what if he needed a bath, I wouldn't be here to do it!

Gayle- After reading your post I felt so bad for even starting this thread, I really felt bad! I hope that by typing to us you got it off your chest and feel better. But, I hope you talk to DH again, you need too. And do whatever it takes to get pictures of YOU and Ava!

 
Old 03-23-2006, 12:50 PM   #15
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Re: Does DH help much?

When DD was born 6 weeks ago my DH was wonderful. Since then he is still a great dad, but I feel like the "new" wore off for him. He will still jump up and help anytime I open my mouth, but he doesn't take the intiative to do as much anymore. DH is gone 12-13 hours a day working, and he's a great provider. I'm still on Maternity leave for now so I do almost everything for DD. DH comes home in the evenings and plays with her for a little while. He usually changes 1-2 diapers, and gives her the occational bottle of BM. He has yet to bathe her, although I do that during the day. I always have to ask, "will you watch her while I shower?" or "please hold her while I...." Everytime he has no problem, but I feel as if DD is completely my responsibility. I feel guilty a lot of the time asking him to do stuff. If DD is not in a good mood, he hands her off to me. If he's holding her while she cries, it's only b/c my hards are full at that particular moment. I then feel rushed to finish my shower or get the dishes done so I can "rescue" DD. Although my DH is not horrible in this aspect I understand where some of you are coming from.

 
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