When did you fall in love with your child/ren? - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

Laetitia · 05-10-2006, 10:44 AM

*sigh*

This is a really tough question for me to ask, but here goes nothin.’

As the title implies, I am looking for your personal experiences as a mom. I’m really struggling with this right now, as my son is less than two weeks old and Mother’s Day is just around the corner. To be perfectly honest, so far it feels like I’m babysitting someone else’s child. There’s no emotional connection there yet, and I’m just kind of freaked out by that. I’m 26, and Spencer is my first child.

I guess more than anything I’m just worried about what the future holds for the both of us. I’ve been on anti-depressants for a long time, and I stayed on them during my pregnancy, because I don’t think I would have been able to function without them. So far, I don’t feel the “baby blues” - it’s not like I’m continually in depressed mood, but I do have my “bad days.” (In fact, life has gotten a lot better for us in the past few weeks, since my husband started working.) I have a lot of issues surrounding my own childhood and having a depressed mother that I’m really really worried about “screwing up” my kids. I feel like maybe that what’s keeping me from getting attached to him, but that’s really counter-intuitive. I know that not everybody falls in love with their new children immediately, but I swear it just feels like I’m going through the motions of taking care of him physically. Yes, his facial expressions are cute, and he’s warm and snuggly in my arms, but any baby would be like that, you know? Thankfully, so far he’s a very laid-back low maintenance kind of guy, because I don’t think I could handle a very fussy baby.

I guess I just keep waiting for a “magical moment” to happen when all of a sudden I realize that I love this little guy. God, that’s so hard to say. I feel like a failure as a parent already, and he’s not even two weeks old!!! I know he doesn’t really know the difference, but I’m afraid that this lack of emotion towards him will continue and I’ll end up being a bad mom. My husband keeps saying it’s because I haven’t had any time away from him and that’s how he knows that his attachment is growing – he looks forward to coming home and seeing Spencer at the end of the day. Well, good for him, but I don’t really have that option. I’m breastfeeding, and I don’t even have a breast pump to use if I wanted to. Besides I don’t want him to develop nipple confusion at such an early age.

Crap this is really long and rambling and nonsensical. I guess my basic question still stands: Moms, when did you fall in love with your kids?

DontAsk · 05-10-2006, 10:55 AM

Hi

I would say, to me, this sounds like PPD. I would talk to your Dr about that. This happens with some people, and your Dr can help you with that. Also, MAYBE lack of sleep, being tired, to much on your plate!! Im not sure but you should talk to your Dr!

JuniorsMommy929 · 05-10-2006, 10:55 AM

well im a "new mom" my only son is 7 months, When he was born, the first few days seemed weird, like, wow this is MY baby? I thought he was the most beautiful baby boy born to earth and still do. As of lovng him, Im pretty sure it was from day one, Just looking at another human that came from you is the greatest feeling to me

shelliam · 05-10-2006, 10:59 AM

With my DD it was not some magical moment or love at 1st sight it took me many weeks. I think it was my horemones but now I would do anything in the world for her. I had a hard time coping with the fact that I didn't love her so much yet especially since I felt that love at 1st sight thing with my 1st. I have a friend that was having her 2nd when I had my 1st and and she made a comment about not "feeling" the same for this baby and I couldn't imagine her feelings at all. I also remember my closest friend confiding in me that she thought she wanted to give her son to her motherfor adoption when he was about a month or two. She looks back on that now and can recognize the imbalance that you can feel after a baby but not nessesarliy see at the time. Please just be patient and kind and it will happen.

Beyondthesky37 · 05-10-2006, 11:01 AM

I would definatly talk to your doctor but also is there someone who could watch your baby for a few hours so you could have a break? This might help more than you think. Don't be ashamed to tell someone close to you how you feel because talking and getting advice can also be very helpful.