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Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board
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Old 05-19-2006, 06:11 AM   #1
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Too attached?

So my son is gonna be 8 months on the 29th. My problem (now) is that he is attached to me, and ONLY me, me and my hubby can not go out for dinner or anything without Junior. I cant even leave the room anymore without him yelling for me and whining. I know it would have been good for us to go out like once in a while alone, But we never wanted to! I know alot of female who leave there babies with a sitter or family member just to go do stupid things, I find this wrong, where ever we go, we take him. I look at it this way, you can get pregnant, you can take the baby where you go, he/she is your responsability!
We tried about 2 months ago to go to lunch and have my mother watch him, we no soon walked out the door and he started to scream, we still went thinking he would stop, 20 minutes later, i call to check on him, and he still crying, i told my mom if you cant calm him down within like a few call me back...20 more mins go bye with no call, so me bein worried, i call her,lol, STILL CRYING, i said to our waitress, MAKE IT TO GO, i told hubby we had to go get him..I dont like him having to go through that...I am the one who has Junior all day, everyday, all night every night...I dont mind, he is my son and i like it this way, its just, he is soo attached that I cant even leave the room.
I was cooking dinner the other night and put a gate up so he couldnt come into the kitchen while i was cooking, he stood at the gate the whole time bouncin up and down whining "mama"
His dad tried to play with him but he paid him NO mind at all...lol

 
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Old 05-19-2006, 08:21 AM   #2
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debating HB User
Re: Too attached?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniorsMommy929
I know alot of female who leave there babies with a sitter or family member just to go do stupid things, I find this wrong, where ever we go, we take him. I look at it this way, you can get pregnant, you can take the baby where you go, he/she is your responsability!
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with this!! I agree that as a mother you should do your best to be the soul caretaker for your child, BUT, to go so far as to say that you should take your baby everywhere is a little ambitious.

I guess I'm one of those mothers who leaves her baby with family so I can do stupid things. Like last night she stayed with grandma till my husband got home so I could go to my water aerobics class. And last weekend she stayed with grandma while my sister and I went to the turtle sanctuary. I guess those things are stupid in that I didn't have to go, but 4-5 hours, per week, away from the baby is good for any stay at home mom's sanity.

As for your son, I wouldn't worry. Many parenting "experts", like Dr. Sears, believe that there is no such thing as attachment issues for the first two years of life. Some babies are just needier then others, and I think it's important that we don't force independence on them, or it can only make it worse because they won't trust that we'll come back.

Can you have family come over to spend time with her while you're there, that way you can just come back in the room to re-assure him, so he can get used to being with someone other then you. Maybe take advantage of it and get some laundry done or something?

 
Old 05-19-2006, 08:44 AM   #3
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Re: Too attached?

I agree with north you need time too. I realize that you feel bad when you leave and he is so upset but you may need to have him be watched by someone els. If he has never been away he probably feels you won't come back. Try having someone entertain him then you can leave for short periods even if it is taking a shower. It will otherwise get a little better when he is old enough to understand that you are just leaving for a little while but will come back. My 2 yo cries every time I have to go to work and he says lets just go home today. My 11 month old just waves goodbye and in a couple months it may be the other way around.

 
Old 05-19-2006, 10:19 AM   #4
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Re: Too attached?

no no i mean, i know many girls who leave their children with the grandparents to like, go party, or go drink, thats not needed at all!
as for the shower thing, i have when my mom is over or something i will hop in the shower, she says all he does is cry for me at the gate in the hallway, she takes him away to play and 2 minutes later he is back to the gate crying.
Or i will run to the store for 10 mins and he cries the entire time...

 
Old 05-19-2006, 12:37 PM   #5
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Re: Too attached?

So your mom does spend time with him in your home.... gosh... well - I know that at his age he is really attached - and its probably going to be like that for a while till he is atleast in preschool or something - the only thing I can suggest is keep having your mom come over and get him to feel more comfy with her -

 
Old 05-19-2006, 12:39 PM   #6
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Re: Too attached?

Quote:
Originally Posted by North_of_60
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with this!! I agree that as a mother you should do your best to be the soul caretaker for your child, BUT, to go so far as to say that you should take your baby everywhere is a little ambitious.

I guess I'm one of those mothers who leaves her baby with family so I can do stupid things. Like last night she stayed with grandma till my husband got home so I could go to my water aerobics class. And last weekend she stayed with grandma while my sister and I went to the turtle sanctuary. I guess those things are stupid in that I didn't have to go, but 4-5 hours, per week, away from the baby is good for any stay at home mom's sanity.
if I had someone to leave mine with that I trusted 100% then I'd be all for going out like that. My son is almost 8 months old and I haven't really been out of the house without him so I completely agree about the sanity thing.
Next friday my dh and I have plans and we are leaving ds with with my dad and his gf. I am completely and totally worried about this! I probably shouldn't be but it's hard not to. I just hope I can enjoy myself for the one night I have planned away. heh

Last edited by MissT; 05-19-2006 at 12:40 PM.

 
Old 05-19-2006, 01:09 PM   #7
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Re: Too attached?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniorsMommy929
no no i mean, i know many girls who leave their children with the grandparents to like, go party, or go drink, thats not needed at all!


I actually think that occasionally that is very much needed! For 9 months I was with my son 24/7. My girlfriends "kidnapped" me one night to go out for drinks. I had a great time! I also realized how important it is for me to get out once in awhile. Being a mom is my number 1 priority, but that doesn't mean I can't have a life.

As for the attachment issue your dealing with...it's just a stage. My DS also went through it. he would scream and cry if I was out of his site for even a second. He's 10 months now, and it has gotten better. I can go in to the kitchen and as long as I talk to him he stay's content. I have heard that around the attachment issues can return when they get a little older, so I fear I may be dealing with all over again soon.
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Old 05-20-2006, 03:59 AM   #8
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Re: Too attached?

Yea, what's wrong with partying ? I can understand if they are going out every night or something, but sometimes you need to let loose, and no need to feel guilty. I don't think it should matter what you are doing, as long as you are getting out and having some you time every now and then. I agree with having your mom come over more and more and getting Junior used to her. Try not to step in right away if he starts to cry...or else he knows you will. Also, maybe schedule a time in the evening or something that is dad time. Do not interfere, no matter what. Eventually he will get used to this being dad time and (hopefully!) not cry for you all the time.
Good luck!!

 
Old 05-20-2006, 07:31 AM   #9
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Re: Too attached?

Friday-Yes my mom does, my sister does, mt grandparents do too!

Miss T- I have ppl i totally trust, its just that, he cries the whole time,and me knowing this i feel so bad leaving him

Justinsmommy and Laur77-after 9 months, heck you its needed, i mean girls who do it all the time, I dont see anything wrong with going out, i really dont just not like every weekend...Im young and dont even do this,lol i rather sit home with my son, sounds weird i guess? IDK

LOL but no im not saying there is anything wrong with going out!

 
Old 05-23-2006, 10:56 AM   #10
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Re: Too attached?

I have three kids 8yrs, 4 yrs, and 7mos. I also babysit another 4 year old and 17 month old 30 hours a week. I HAVE to have a break occasionally. I have to be around grown ups every once in a while so I don't regress. My 2 older children are very close with their grandma and 75% of the time they spend Saturday night with her. Do I feel guilty? No sometimes jealous! But she wants them there and they want to be there. The baby I've only been away from twice so far overnight. Once was to go drink AND gamble. I feel sorry for people who don't have someone to help them out in that way. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you can't do adult things anymore. I've worked at daycares too and with the crying thing--this too shall pass. Some babies have a harder time adjusting then others. Especially if you're just now leaving him with people. He may very well cry the first couple of times but if you run back to get him each time he will learn to use that. Babies are smarter then we give them credit for sometimes. They are learning cause and effect all the time. Good luck!!!

 
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