Am I EVER going to Get my Life Back? - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

Honeychild · 06-16-2006, 02:08 AM

Hi all

As much as I love my son (and that's a LOT~!) I too feel like I need a bit of a life. I am not asking for much, just some independence from him. But I feel like I am totally on call all the time.

My husband works away from all, sso you can imagine that I spend all day with my baby. Although i do go out from time to time, it's always with my baby.

Only occasionally, mum will babysit him. I was doing a course once a week and mum would look after him, but she can't always. so the time when she couldn't I had a babysitter look after him.
He cried the WHOLE TIME! I was gone. apparently, he cried so much that his eyes got all puffy. needless to say, Idon't want to try that again in a hurry!

He is almost one year old now but honestly, I am starting to go stir crazy. all my friends work, so I hardly get to see them anymore as I am on leave from work. I feel like I have lost all my mates! thank god my husband is back this week. but when he comes back, he helps out a lot and as much as he can.
like last night when he flew back into town, he came home, and I was doing dishes.

well, he told me he would do them (which he did) so I could go and shower. after I had showered, he asked if he could start making our baby's lunch for the next day, and wanted to cut up the veggies etc etc. I told him not to, but after the day i have had today, I kinda wish I had agreed to let him. I guess I just don't feel its fair on him.

anyway, my main gripe is that I just wish my one year old would let himself be babysat by someone other than me. even though he lets my mum babysit him no problem, he will not stay overnight anywhere other than here at home.

that's another big problem! I would like to leave him at mum's for the night, so hubbie and I could have a night out, but he wakes up constantly when he is not in his cot at home.

we stayed out over easter, and he woke up three times every single night ,we were away (normally at home sleeps right through the night) he would just waken up and stand up in his portacot and cry and cry. we ended up pushing him to sleep in his pram (after breastfeeding him) it was the only way he would go back to sleep, and even after that, he woke up crying a few hours later.

please, please, PLEASEany advice before I really go stark raving mad!!!

Kiera1595 · 06-16-2006, 06:34 AM

Well, I answered your other post, so I kinda know the attachment issues your son has. He has you around 24 hours a day. Of course he's going to be upset when you leave him with someone he doesn't know. But he needs to learn to be with others sometimes. Yes, you will start to get your life back ( a little bit

) over time. They do start to become more independant. They will cry most of the time you leave them with a stranger, and remember that they do not remember people they only meet once very well. My son usually cried when I left him for the first 2 years of his life and he was used to me using sitters. But it got better overtime. Now at three it's so much easier becasue you can just explain to them what is going to happen.

I know it's soooooo hard! I always feel like I'm going crazy and I do get out the house everyday by myself. You deserve a medal!!

And please, for the sake of your sanity, let your DH HELP!! Don't ever feel bad. You watch this child 24 hours a day. He wanted to chop some veggies. Look at what you are comparing. Don't turn down help and don't ever feel bad about accepting it!

Start looking for some friends who are new moms. Even if you can't get away from your son for a while, you'll have company and some adult conversation. Plus someone who is going through what you are. It makes the day go by a lot faster. Have you son stay at your moms if she's ok with it. Yes, he may get up several times that night. But just think. That is one night out of her life that she's up several times. The very next night she will be back to having a quiet house and good sleep. You on the other hand deal with it every night. You need the break!!

I wish you the best of luck! It will get easier!

JuniorsMommy929 · 06-16-2006, 06:39 AM

Well I am the same way, I have my baby 24/7 and care for him 24/7, I want another baby too, im so used to it and so used to not sleepin it dont even bother me no more, i take him along where ever

Gayle0000 · 06-16-2006, 07:17 AM

I agree with Kiera...especially about getting your H to help out. Just because he has a paying job doesn't mean you are required to take care of the house duties & baby 24 hours a day. You husband lives in the house too...he should be doing chores just like you. You need to let him do things...and encourage him if he goes to do them without you asking. Gosh...wish my husband would actually volunteer to do something around here.

You are also entitled to days off, you know. People in the working world get days off. Do not feel guilty for taking days off. I know it's hard to leave when you know your baby is probably not having the best time...but you NEED time away to recharge and get a grip. Whoever is watching your baby can handle it. If there is a serious problem, they can call you...but if the baby is just crying out of frustration...let the babysitter deal with it. You know aside from the crying fits, the baby is and will be fine. That's why you get babysitters!!!!!!!!!

I'm totally hearing you on the baby only wanting you. DD is 9 months old and has really starting to be extra clingy/needy in the recent couple weeks. I was so excited when she started playing by herself more. I was actually looking forward to her becoming more mobile so she can really entertain herself & I could get a little break. Since DD now gets whiney a lot easier, the care I give her seems to be more emotionally draining now than the physical demands earlier on with breastfeeding & less sleep.

I let my DD cry a bit. I've found when she starts whining & fussing for no (good) reason...I'll get her attention (not pick her up) and start singing her favorite songs or make noises that interest her. She will get into the songs and stop crying. I'll then introduce a new toy to her or reposition her...basically changing the environment from whiney/crying to something new. She'll be pretty content for a while after that. This is teaching her that there are other things to do when she gets fussy. I definitely think this works. I started doing this with DD a couple months ago and I can tell her frustrations (or boredom maybe) are easier to handle.

This baby-raising is hard!