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Old 07-14-2006, 01:53 AM   #1
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sumi HB User
To all the working mothers out there

Hello, well I have a 10 month old DD and was with her every single day since she was born. Two months ago I had to go back to work which was mostly my husbands choice. I never in a million years thought I would love taking care of her as much as I did. I feel that being a mother is my calling in life, I love ever single minute of being with her, I didn't miss working at all. Unfortunately my husband felt that he wanted me to go to work for financial reasons and I had no choice (long, long story). I am so upset that I am not with her, I am seriously suffering from seperation anxiety! She is with my mother while I work so I know she is safe but once a week my sister in law takes her and it kills me. We are the same age but her kids are older (she doesn't really work) but when she calls to tell me (more like brag to me)about how the baby is doing I just want to cry (and I do.) I don't want someone raising my child, I want to be there for her, spend time with her, teach her new things.
I feel incredibly guilty that I am not spending enough time with her. I have no social life left because I feel that since I work all day my free time should be spent with my DD not anyone else. Am I too extreme?
I know I am, I do. I just miss her so much during the day. And I do feel a lot of anger towards my husband, I feel like he let me down or something. I love children but at this point I refuse to have more since I obviously won't be raising them so why have them?
For those of you who do work, how do you cope with these issues? Do you feel the same way? Do you try to over compensate for the time lost with your children? Do you feel guilty for leaving them?

 
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Old 07-14-2006, 02:07 AM   #2
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weepyone HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

usam
i feel for you. i do not want to go back to work but i have to for financial reasons and my job is so specialised i would never get the same job again - long story. i am sure your sil thinks by updating you on your little one you will feel better but i can understand why you feel she is bragging god knows i will be jealous of my mom looking after my son. i would love it if we were rolling in the money and i would quit work period. however as we cannot i am going to find out if i can reduce my hours. is this something you could do. i think at the end of the day life is not always fair. in the uk if a single mom choses to stay at home she gets free everything housing money to live on i mean everything. but as i am married i get nothing my husbands job is not a reliable income it is always changing depending on how much he works - hard to describe. so i have to work but no one gives me anything for free. it really gets me mad i love being with ds too he is spending the day with muy mom today as i am trying to build his time up awaay from me ready for when i return to work i don't know what to do with myself. i hope you get some resolution on this take care, you are not alone
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Old 07-14-2006, 03:14 AM   #3
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Re: To all the working mothers out there

So I guess we are in the same boat weepyone!
Unfortunately I cannot reduce my house since I just go this job. I relocated to Greece and so as soon as I got a job my hubby would come from the USA. Our agreement was that I would relocate with our DD and find a job and as soon as I found one he would come too.
Life really isn't fair. I miss her so much during the day and every morning when I leave she cries and holds on to me for dear life. Poor angel.

 
Old 07-14-2006, 09:04 AM   #4
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Paye HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

This post brings tears to my eyes because I will also soon be returning to work unfortunately. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom, but after having DS and spending every minute with him my mind has really changed. I have about 1 more month at home with him and I am already dreading the day I have to leave him. I am a teacher and I absolutely love my job, but the thought of spending the day with other people's children instead of my own child is hard. I keep thinking that there has to be a job I can do from home so I don't have to leave him.

 
Old 07-14-2006, 09:26 AM   #5
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OrangeCouture HB User
Exclamation Re: To all the working mothers out there

I agree with you and I unserstand what you are saying.....I also feel like why have more kids if your not raising them? Too. It is possible for many women to stay home, but many think that it is not for them and they need adult stimilation and others could but don't realize that maybe not going out to eat, cutting back on a new car and living a bit more simple it would be possible! Maybe you should explain to your husband why it is important for a Mother to be with her child during the formative years,I firmly believe that a child needs its mother during those years. Once they are in school is would be okay to work while they are at school. Maybe you could find another way to make an income that would be more flexible.....? You are not out of your mind for thinking the way you do. I am with my daughter all the time and I would feel the same way if I had to leave her elsewhere. She laughed for the first time yesterday afternoon and if I wasn't here mothering her someone else like a babysitter or a day care worker would have heard it instead of me.....Talk with your husband about the PROS AND CONS OF being with your child.

 
Old 07-14-2006, 12:18 PM   #6
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yellowrose5006 HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

We did all that when I left my old high stress lots of hours job for the new part time job. Cut back on EVERYTHING, car, eating out, etc, etc, etc,. And it just isn't going to be enough (just between the cost of fuel oil and gas most of my paycheck is gone). So I'll be headed back to work too.

Maybe you could talk to your mom about setting up a webcam. That way during the day if you're feeilng lonely or just want to check in it would only be a click away?

 
Old 07-14-2006, 12:52 PM   #7
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steph66 HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

this post brought tears to my eyes also. as this really hits home to me. i am so jealous of anyone who gets to spend time with my dd while i have to be away working. i know how you must feel. i am very lucky as my dd is 3 months and i have not returned to work and dont plan to. my dh has been great so far in working hard and even getting loans for me to stay home with our dd. he is giving me a chance to work from home. you may want to look into this as an option, i just startred so far and i know that i will not match my former income but we will make it work by cutting back on our spending and eating out and my dh will even trade his car in for a cheaper payment. i will eventually make more money as dd gets older and i am able to spend more time on the computer working. i can't give you the specific site on here but if you do a search for work at home moms i am sure you can find the boards that i have been on. they have many many jobs that you can apply for. and there are even businesses that you can start if you want to. but i think it is better to do the jobs from home, it's more security and guarantee. i hope that you will look into it because maybe you will find something that you are able to do from home with your dd on the floor playing beside you.
and talk to your husband about how you feel. but don't accuse him of anything. tell him you appreciate all he did to help you be able to stay home with your dd for as long as you did. but just say that you think it is important that YOU stay with her and be with her. i felt the same way in the beginning towards my husband and then i realized how hard it was for him too, he was having to carry everything on his shoulders and he is used to doing and buying whatever he wants and he was also making sacrifices while working his a$$ off too. just talk it out with him. at first my dh didn't really get why it was better if i stayed home with dd, but i think he is getting it more and more. he is giving me until next month when i get paid to decide weather i will need a part time job or not. And i am thankful that he is giving me this time.
i hope that i have not rambled on too much and you can make sense of what i wrote. it's just that i know how you feel and i want you to look into working form home like i did and see if it is something you can do to stay home with your baby. i also think that yellowrose had a good idea with the webcam.
good luck and i hope you are able to find a way to stay home with your baby. take care!
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Old 07-14-2006, 01:31 PM   #8
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friday13 HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

Gosh I had a friend of mine who set up a webcam in the crib and put it on their home page I think.... so whenever anyone in the family wanted to see their DD they could - LOL - can you imagine how often the grandma's would be looking to see if their grand-daughter was sleeping - LOL!

Anyway, its a good idea the webcam... I know a lot of daycare centers that have this so you can watch your child while at work - i think its a minimal monthly fee - but very cool indeed.

 
Old 07-14-2006, 08:38 PM   #9
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lex jude HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

You know....I'm not sure if you are able to do this but I have a slight option...

My sister went to school to be a medical transcriptionist and she works from the home....she never has to have a daycare provider, and while she does have to work, she doesn't have to miss anything either. You could look into something like that, and get the best of both worlds
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Old 07-16-2006, 11:43 PM   #10
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sumi HB User
Re: To all the working mothers out there

Thanks to you all for your suggestions. Problem is that I live in Greece and working from home is not an option. In the USA I did that since my DD was born but since moving to Greece its not available.
Right now I just got an awesome job offer with great benefits and pay but will turn it down cause of the hours. Although 8-5 is the norm here I am working 8-4 at my current job and that one hour makes a world of a difference. I don't want to leave the house at 7:30 and return at 5:30, at least now I leave the house about ten to eight and I am home by 4:05!
My DH knows all this and makes enough to support the both of us but he wants me working. He says that one day when he makes more money I can stay home and work part time but that won't be any time soon and our DD is growing up so I don't take that very seriously.
Thanks for responding it makes me feel so much better knowing that there are other mothers out there who feel the same way.

 
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