It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Still No Sex drive.
I kid you not.
I feel like I could go without sex for the REST OF MY LIFE. Yep. That's right. My poor husband.
I am breastfeeding. could that be the reason????maybe that does something to the hormones
I miss having a sex drive. But I just don't feel anything in the sex department. I can orgasm when we do have sex, but to be honest, it all feels kind of like a chore at this point.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Honeychild-
Thank God you started this thread. I feel exactly the same way and I am not breastfeeding. I have been thinking about having another child but I don't know how that is going to happen seeing as I do not want to have sex.
For me, I think that the reason is still that when I am not needed by baby or my work, I just want time to myself. At 9:00 pm, I would much rather curl up with a good book and have quiet time than have sex.
It is really beginning to scare me how little I want to have sex. I would also appreciate hear from other moms to see if we are not alone.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
I feel you.
I am 5 1/2 months pp and I still have no sex drive. I too am not breastfeeding but I think it may be bc it hurts when we try and have sex. I tore and now I'm "tighter" then before (sorry if TMI).
Maybe we can get some viagra over here for us women!
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Uh, none here either. I'm 6 months PP and I still breastfeed part time. I too thought that maybe that was why I didn't have a sex drive. It's not that it hurts to have sex, I'm ok in that department. I would be ok if we only had sex once in a while, because I also feel like it a chore. I feel bad for my husband so I give in ALOT, but its hard to do when you just don't want to be bothered.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Yes, that's exactlky how I feel! Like it's a bother.
And my husband tries so hard. he will do housework, massage my back, cook nice food, help with the baby, etc etc, thinking that I just need a rest and that will put me in the mood.
But it doesn't. I just don't know what's wrong with me. i almost feel like I am going to be this way forever and I realluy don't want to.
Not sure what the solution is at all. Not into taking viagra or anything like that. anyway, I have to be very careful what I put into my body whilst my baby is still breasstfeeding.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Oh my Gosh.... totally. I am almost 4 months pp and am breastfeeding. If dh even comes near my boobs I literally pull away and get mad at him. I'm lactating for goodness sakes! Why would he even want to go there? They are my baby's not his right now!
No drive at all over here either. I think part of it is because we are using condoms. I hate those things! The other night we tried it for a bit without it and boy what a difference! Anyway, just wanted to say that this is apparently very common after having a baby and that for some women it doesn't come back. Not without some sort of physchological help or something. I am also on anti-depressants and thought that was a big part of it but it sounds like I am not alone.
Today is my B-Day and tomorrow is our anniversary so you know what DH says to me!? "Are we going to do a little spanking then?" What???? Gee thanks, now I'm in the bloody mood. NOT....
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Well, at least you know you're not alone
Breastfeeding can play a big role in this...both chemically and emotionally. Your brain must release oxytocin (a powerful neurotransmitter) in order to get that "letdown" feeling when you nurse. That chemical also signals the brain to release less of the hormones which "get you in the mood!" When you think about the days before there was ANY birthcontrol, this is natures way of helping prevent a new baby coming along before this baby is done nursing.
Emotionally, (at least for me) it feels like my body almost "belongs" to her right now. Aside from being tired, sleepy, no make-up, still have baby weight to lose, covered in slobber, puke etc... I mean WOW, I'm SO sexy!!!
We tried some things which helped--
-We had grandma take her to her house so we could have a nice dinner and some alone time. It helped me separate from her for a few hours.
-I try to think about how important it is to have a happy and healthy marriage for our new daughter. I want to set the example for her of two people who love, care about and cherish each other. I think about all the things he does for me and how much I like to return to favor. (pun intended) Physical affection is so important, especially for men. But, you have to feel comfortable too.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
OMG its so great to read that other women are going through this! I though it was just me. I had a friend who had a baby 5 days before me and at her 6 week checkup she was already sexually active and loving it! She says sex is better now then it was before! I dont know what her husband is feeding her but I could sure use some of it. I have no sex drive at all and my DS is 14 months old and Im not breastfeeding! I keep waiting for it to show back up but nothing yet. Hopefully someday.......
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Wow...I had brought up the issue under another thread ('how long for body to fully recover? 6 months??') but as there was no reply, I was beginning to think it was just me!
I feel exactly like you have all said, especially you Shanz4. It suddenly hit me (I hadn't really thought about it) that it had to be because of hormones and also nature's way of not letting us make another baby too soon...
I need to have my body for myself for a little while too (I breatfeed), so when the night comes, I just want to get into bed and just read and drift off to sleep...
I'm trying not to feel guilty with regards to my husband, because I know this has some other reason behind it and not me loving him any less, but I do get somewhat impatient with myself, wanting to feel my normal again.
He understands but it is difficult. We are still very affectionate but I must say I much rather enjoy a cuddle at this point than sex. I find it very difficult to unwind and relax, being all day with the baby and dealing with the sleeping difficulties some of us were discussing in another thread...
We were thinking about another baby early next year, but at this pace...
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
sorry ladies i am as rampant as a rabbit lol. i am sure the longer people go without sex the less they want it, so my advice is throw yourself in the deepend i read once that even if you don't feel like it a quick quicky can do you good
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
OMG THANK YOU for starting this thread!!!!!! I thought it was just me!
When I had DS a year ago, it took me two weeks to get back in the sack (I healed quikly :P) But lately...I have no drive at all. I'll all....bleh. I mean, there are time when I enjoy it, but that is only maybe, once or twice a month?
I was seriously thinking about suplements!!! I mean, by the end of the day, between working 40 hours, making dinner, cleaning the house and playing with DS, I am DEAD TIRED by the end of the night. I do not want to be bothered!!! If it's a choice between sleep or sex, it's sleep, EVERY time
I thought it was just me....maybe it's a mommy thing? Maybe it's because we have to do everything, be everyone, (cook, maid, nanny, AND a sexy seductress!) and it's overwhelming!
Maybe you can have a talk with your hubby and focus on quality, not quantity. Let's face it, the days of having sex three times in a night and sleeping until noon is over
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He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
I am right there with you all. I am 4 and a half months postpartum. No sex drive. Every so often I will feel sort of aroused down there but the thought of actually going through with it does seem like a chore - hard work! We have only been intimate 2 times since DS was born! It's quite sad. And like a pp said, I too am sort of scared about not doing it often. I mean, if it is like this now, what is it going to be like 20 years from now? Yikes!
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
I know what you mean! I JUST finished weaning DS and still have no sex drive, but I had the same issue after our first child as well, my GYN said it was a combination of hormones still being all over the place, not enough natural lubricant (related to the hormones-he said to use KY jelly in the mean time), and of course being so darned tired all the time!
It does get better, be patient, get sleep and have KY jelly handy. I just started a new birth control pill (Yasmin)that is supposed to not decrease your labido much at all (compared to other brands), hopefully it works. So if after weaning and ensuring you are getting enough sleep if you feel it isn't helping check into your birth control side effects...could be as simple as that.
Goodluck.
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Joanne
Mom to Kierra (born August 9/02)
and Kaden (born August 19/05)
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Thank you all for responding! It's amazing how many of you feel JUST LIKE I DO!
Now the thing is I get ENOUGH sleep. I have a wonderful baby that sleeps 12 hours every night. of course, I don't get to bed ytill very late like midnight or 1am sometimes.
last night, my hubbie wanted sex when we were going to sleep, I did not. (nothing new there) except that, when I wanted to cuddle in bed, he would not. refused to.
when I asked him about it the next day, he said well you would rather listen to your cd whilst going to sleep, than have sex with me, so that's why i didn't cuddle you. (((grrrrrrrrr!) although I can see his point of view
one other immportant question.
as I am breastfeeding, I can't stand it when my husband wants to start kissing them during sex. that repulses me!!!
so how do you handle that with your husband when you are intimate, and when you are a breastfeeding mum????
like someone else mentioned, I do feel they are now for my infant as he is breastfeeding, and having my husband try and kiss them, etc etc (sorry tmi!, dont know how else to put it!) I do not let him do that. I feel sorry for my huband, but it's the way it is right now.
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeychild
one other immportant question.
as I am breastfeeding, I can't stand it when my husband wants to start kissing them during sex. that repulses me!!!
so how do you handle that with your husband when you are intimate, and when you are a breastfeeding mum????
like someone else mentioned, I do feel they are now for my infant as he is breastfeeding, and having my husband try and kiss them, etc etc (sorry tmi!, dont know how else to put it!) I do not let him do that. I feel sorry for my huband, but it's the way it is right now.
yes i only bf for a short while and i felt this way too. a short while after i stopped bf my breasts felt like mine again - even if they are like empty sacks .and they resumed their old sensuality
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
I am right there with all of you ladies. I feel like I become a nun and never have sex again right now. Hopefully that will change Poor dh, I think I will have him read this thread so he knows that it's not just me and that he's not the only man suffering out there!
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
Just wondering where we all are in this dilemma. I had been feeling a bit more - fired up - because I was sleeping through the night. The past two weeks, Liam has been teething and sick with croup so he gets up a lot. Poof- the drive to be with hubby is gone again.
Is anyone one else so far past the birth of their baby (14 months) and still feeling wrecked due to lack of sleep?
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
HI Jen
To begin with my sex drive was never that high (pre birth and pre pregnancy) but now it's even worse.
I think its all the things that have to be done in a day,, that I just don't have the inclination to have sex, and I only have 1 baby. What's it going to be like if we have another???!!! Sheesh.
My baby is 14 months old and sleeps 12-13 hours per night, right through out the night. I don't get to bed till after midnight, almost every night, but it's not lack of sleep that is causing this lack of interest in sex. I can't even imagine if I wasn't getting my sleep every night. that must be really hard!
Re: It's Been a Year Since the Birth and Still Nothing.....
I am so glad it is not just me. I had a baby a year ago and nursed him for 11 months. He didn't sleep much until about 3 months ago. We had sex one or two times since the baby and I didn't get anything out of it. So it has been since March (I think). I used to have a high sex drive and was the one on the begging end, what happened. I am going to see my OB for a different reason the end of the month and am going to ask him to run a hormone panel on me.
It is causing us some marital issues so we are seeing a counsler in regards to the distance growing and lack of affection. I hope that something changes. I miss the sex drive I used to have.
As for the KY it may help lubricate but without the mental and physical desire present you may as well not try, give it to him and tell him to go to a quiet place.
Seriously, please share any light you might find on the subject!
.and they resumed their old sensuality
- because I was sleeping through the night. The past two weeks, Liam has been teething and sick with croup so he gets up a lot. Poof- the drive to be with hubby is gone again. 
