Seperation anxiety - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

YoungLife · 09-23-2006, 09:17 PM

my 4month DD cries so hard when her mom leaves the room for even 5 min. She cries so hard its scares us cause she starts to gag and choke while crying. Weve been trying to get her use to my mom since she will be babysitting her when my DD mom goes back to work next month, but she would last maybe a good hour before she has her crying fit again. We are worried when that day comes and shes still not used to my mom. Any ideas on how to deal with this? shes considering not going back to work, but of course we have a mortgage to pay.

Sherbet · 09-23-2006, 10:58 PM

Hiya

As I see it you've got a few options:

1) leave going back to work for a while longer
2) don't go back to work and adjust your lifestyle/budget accordingly
3) go back to work part time
4) work hard at trying to socialise your little one by having her be around a lot more people. Try yourself not to stress when Mom leaves the room as babies feed off this.

Remember, she's only FOUR months old. She is very young and still scared of so many things in her environment. Make sure you get into as much of a routine as possible, then dd will have less of a chance to be confused with what's coming next. This can be very stressful on a baby. For example: every time she wakes a) give her a feed b) change her nappy c) play time d) back to bed after a song. these little routines can help create a contented baby. She will know what to expect next and this may help lessen her anxiety when Mom leaves the room. Especially if you incorporate Mom leaving the room into part of the awake time ritual.

Hope this helps?

Shanz4 · 09-24-2006, 07:26 AM

First, congrats! You have a normal and healthy situation. We're practicing "Attachment Parenting" which you can look up on the internet and this is exactly what you would WANT at that age. Most experts feel it is critical that around 3-4 months the baby is strongly "attached" and bonded with the primary caregiver. Although is creates this stranger anxiety for now, later it results in more confident and well-adjusted toddlers and children. Think about it, would you want your 4 month old to just be happy with anyone? After all the time and hard work you've put in!!!

Also, I've heard about the horrible situation in the Russian orphanages where the babies have not attached to anyone. They will cling to ANY person that picks them up and cry for hours if that person (stranger) leaves.

So, although it's frustrating (and hard to deal with) for you and your Mom, have patience. I agree with Sherbet, to try and get a routine. Insist your Mom or any caregiver do their best to follow that routine. Children of all ages CRAVE predictability, routines and limitations. Have your Mom take over for a day, while you're there and do your best to not step in.

Also, is there any way you could do a part-time job? This has worked so well for our family and I was the primary earner before I went part-time. Yes, we have made MAJOR lifestyle changes and budgeting. I now clip coupons and worry about every penny, when I used to make solid 6 figures. But, it is so, so worth it.

YoungLife · 10-14-2006, 01:09 PM

one more week til DD mom goes to work and shes still not comfortable being around grandma or anyone else, ever since she got sick she has not been comfortable except with mom, even if I hold her for 10 min she goes into a crying fit enough to amke her head shake left and right.
She would quit her job now,but she only needs to work til March 07 to qualify for her severence package (company laid her off and shes officially done in March) til then we are stressing out on how shes gonna act when mom is gone.