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Old 11-01-2006, 07:57 AM   #1
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Holding My Baby

Ok So This Is My Dilema.. I Dont Like For My 2 Months Old Baby To Be Held My My M.i.l Or F.i.l For A Long Time..i Understand That Is Their 1st Grandkid But Come On We Go Over At Least Once A Week And We Stay There For At Least Three Hours And Even If My Baby Is Asleep They Are Holding Him.. So I Tried The "ok Lets Put Him In The Bed' Next Thing You Know I Blink And My Son Is Crying And My M.i.l Is With Him So She Start Holding Him. My F.i.l Is Talking To My Son When My Son Is Trying To Fall Asleep So My Son Cant Fall Asleep And It Really Upsets Me.. I Really Dont Know What To Do Anymore It Got To The Point Were I Dont Even Want To Take My Son To Their House I Do But It Gets Me In A Bad Mood. My M.i.l Is Like A Kid My Son Is Falling Asleep And She Gets The Camera And Starts Taking Pictures Of Him Not That I Mind That But The Flash Is Very Flashy Lol And It Wakes Him Up.. I Dont Want To Be Mean To Them But How Can I Explain To Them To Let Him Sleep.. And Not To Hold Him So Much I Am Very Scared That He Is Going To Get Used To It And Then He Is Going To Want That All The Time.. I Hope Someone Can Help Me I Am Not A ***** I Just Want For My Son To Sleep Like He Should..

 
Old 11-01-2006, 10:11 AM   #2
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Re: Holding My Baby

I understand where you are coming from and I assume this is your first child. Babies need to be held, thats what I learned in the numerous parenting classes I took. I was weary with my first and only. Trust me, when your son gets older... you will wish someone would take him off your hands just for a few minutes. Let them do what they do, they are new grandparents and they really aren't harming anything. Now, if your son cries while they do all this, then it's a problem. If it still bothers you, you can either talk to them or just not go so often.

 
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Old 11-01-2006, 10:34 AM   #3
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Re: Holding My Baby

I know what you mean about wanting him to sleep and not get used to being held. I couldn't put DS down even while awake utnil he was like 6-7 months old. SO that is hard. Babies do need to be held, but they also need to develop an independance so they are not attached to your hip forever. Since you said it was your inlaws maybe if it becomes a problem you could have your husband politley tell them that the baby needs to sleep, alone.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 11:12 AM   #4
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Re: Holding My Baby

Don't go over during nap times. Go over after the kids have woken up and are ready to visit.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 11:48 AM   #5
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Re: Holding My Baby

I didn't mind the holding ds so much, as the jiggling him, trying to get him to open his eyes and wake up. Especially in our case where DS was hospitalized from birth for 6 weeks and was constantly being disturbed and NEEDED sleep to grow. We'd just get him down to sleep and they'd show up and my FIL would tickle him and try wake him up.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 11:50 AM   #6
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Re: Holding My Baby

If it's only three hours here and there I don't see what it could hurt. They are just bonding and three hours with a new grandbaby probably flies by. I'm not trying to discredit your feelings but just try not to get so upset. Could you imagine if you were holding your baby and somebody told you to put him down while you were enjoying snuggling? That's just my two cents.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 07:17 PM   #7
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Re: Holding My Baby

I know what you mean, my dd was passed around like a party favour by her grandparents and its VERY tiring for the baby too. I started very early making sure my baby could sleep by herself in her bed and not by falling asleep in someone's arms. This is effortful tiring work ensuring your baby can feel secure in their own bed and starting early when they don't know any different is crucial. The Grandparents would be horrified if you told them that your baby was not able to fall asleep unless she was being held so they now needed to come over EVERY nap time and bed time so she can get to sleep. There are many threads on this website asking for help to break the habit of having their baby fall asleep on them every nap time or bed time. I applaud you for starting early to ensure your baby learns to sleep by themselves.... before it becomes VERY distressing for everyone to break the habit.

The only time I have cradled my baby to sleep was when she was a newborn and was over tired and needed movement to help her drop off to sleep. Also if she was sick or teething and needed comforting. The rest of the time she falls asleep in her own basinette or cot. She is ten months old and is a dream to put to bed and has been since around 3-4 months. These are your wishes as a parent and you need to voice them! You don't want resentment to build even more, grandparents are wonderful resources but you just need to let them know how you feel about what they're doing.

Good luck

Last edited by Sherbet; 11-01-2006 at 07:19 PM.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 05:58 AM   #8
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Re: Holding My Baby

Most babies will sleep if they are tired and being only 2 months old, your little one will sleep if it is tired. I really don't think the grandparents holding the baby is a big deal. It is natural for them and others to want to hold him and love him. Why can't the baby sleep in their arms while you are visiting? Does the baby come home extremely cranky every week after your visits because it was disturbed from it's sleep from the grandparents holding him? Either relax or don't go over to their home and visit anymore if you can't relax. I don't mean to sound harsh, but that is my opinion.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 07:59 AM   #9
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Re: Holding My Baby

Thank you guys I just wanted to tell someone and get some advice or opinions..

 
Old 11-02-2006, 10:02 AM   #10
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Re: Holding My Baby

Babies like being held, especially while sleeping. I see nothing wrong with it. It's also unrealistic to expect babies to sleep on their own, or to "put themselves to sleep", so being worried about him sleeping in arms shouldn't be a problem at this point.

I couldn't imagine preventing my daughter from getting used to be held. That's just sad. Now that she's 7 months old and crawling everywhere I MISS the days when she would sleep in my arms everytime I picked her. She's such a wiggle worm now and I miss those snuggly days so much. I look back on my endless sleeping, nursing, rocking, walking days very fondly. They don't last forever, so enjoy them and stop stressing about it. Let the grandparents enjoy it too, who doesn't like to snuggle a sleeping baby? It's pure heaven!

Last edited by moderator2; 11-02-2006 at 11:28 AM.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 11:25 AM   #11
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Re: Holding My Baby

I'm with Sweatea and Sherbert on this one.
DS has spent at least one nap a day in his crib since birth and we have no problem getting him to sleep in his crib now. He gets all the cuddles he needs during the day and quite a bit at night, but he can and does sleep on his own. Good luck!

 
Old 11-02-2006, 04:52 PM   #12
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Re: Holding My Baby

Babies are only babies for such a short time, you will miss it when its gone and so will grandparents. There are so many babies in the world longing to be held, realize you are blessed to have extended family that wants to be involved. Voice your opinion on important things. Hold them, hold them, hold them.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 07:07 PM   #13
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Re: Holding My Baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by laauhe
Babies are only babies for such a short time, you will miss it when its gone and so will grandparents. There are so many babies in the world longing to be held, realize you are blessed to have extended family that wants to be involved. Voice your opinion on important things. Hold them, hold them, hold them.
I totally agree!! No one lays on their death bed wishing they DIDN'T hold their children more.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 08:36 PM   #14
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Re: Holding My Baby

I think a few took some of us posters wrong. I never said that you shouldn't hold your children. My ds is 10 months and I have probably only been away from him for 10-15 hours total since he was born. Therefore he is in my arms TONS. I love it, but when he is tired and needs to sleep I think it is important he learn to sleep on his own in his bed. Not only does he feel comfortable there but he gets his rest and so do I. I love snuggling with him more than anything but unless I want him to depend on being held while he sleeps till he is an adult, he should learn it's okay to sleep in his crib. Almost always he falls asleep in my arms but then it is to bed.

Last edited by sweetea13; 11-02-2006 at 08:53 PM.

 
Old 11-03-2006, 04:22 AM   #15
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Re: Holding My Baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetea13
but unless I want him to depend on being held while he sleeps till he is an adult
LOL! My mama lives in Canada, and I live in Florida. We co-slept 'till I was 3. Guess what? I can not only fall asleep on my own, but I'm a FABULOUS sleeper. I can even sleep through a hurricane (Francess to be exact..lol).

I hold and/or sleep with my daughter when she's sleeping, every night, and doubt very highly that I'll have to college with her so she can fall sleep. It's the only time of day when snuggling with her doesn't involve getting fingers up my nose, or getting my hair pulled.

She will also sleep just fine if I put her down at night in her crib (which we often do). But the notion that holding them while they sleep equals a baby who cannot sleep independently is absurd. We're living proof of that. I WANT my daughter used to being held, but alas, she has different plans now that she crawls at the speed of light.

There is nothing wrong with holding a sleeping baby, it will not make them "dependent" on you for sleeping, and even if it did, SO WHAT? It ain't gunna last forever! Enjoy a quiet, content, sleeping, motionless baby while you can, 'cause as they get older and slam doors in your face and stay out 'till all hours of the night, you'll be missing these peaceful days sooooooooo much!

 
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