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Old 03-28-2007, 12:20 PM   #1
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Is my 13 month old behind?

The nurse at my 13-month-old daughter's daycare did an assesment a couple weeks ago and informed me yesterday that my daughter isn't where she "should" be socially and emotionally. She said she was concerend with her fine motor skills and doesn't play well around the other kids. From what I've read I think she's done everything she should be at her age. She isn't walking yet but she is a good crawler and she walks with help and has been cruising along the coffee table since 7 1/2 months old.
Maybe she only acts like this because she's at daycare because what she and the daycare ladies described to me doesn't seem like what she does at home. They said she won't let them sit her down to do an activity without her crying, all she wants to do is lay around and suck her fingers. I also think she may be a very shy baby because she hasn't ever really been a crier and she (in my opinion) was so great and hardley ever cried and slept through the night from 2 weeks old on. She still is very quiet (at home) but she plays fine, and she is scared of people she doesn't know. She still gloms on to me if I try to hand her to someone she's not used to and she screams and cries.

I thought all this was normal for her age, but according to them it is not. Does anyone else have any suggestions on what I might be able to do or any simliar stories to share so I know I'm not alone! Thanks

 
Old 03-28-2007, 02:31 PM   #2
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I understand she is shy but she sounds like she wants you to take care of her and she doesn't want you to leave her. Perhaps she is acting out? She doesn't sound like she is behind developmentally.

Last edited by OrangeCouture; 03-28-2007 at 02:32 PM. Reason: Spelling Error

 
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Old 03-28-2007, 08:16 PM   #3
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

How long has she been in day care? If she's new it seems so understandable that she's not used to you leaving her and has separation anxiety or whatever. Actually from what I understand a secure attechment with the Mother (crying when Mother leaves room, and then allowing Mother to comfort him/her when Mom returns) is supposed to be a very GOOD thing for the child's future mental health. There was a study done that uses that term (secure attachment) and they used that same scenerio I just mentioned to gage future psychological health in the child. According to this study the more the child is attached to the Mother at about her age, the more adjusted they are later in life. It's a controversial finding because many have tried to disprove that study later, but it was the 'attachment' theory that was used for a long time. It sounds to me like she's securely attached to you and having a hard time being away from you... which time and repitition could help. Unless the person that told you that is a professional I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe call a child behavioralist or your local 'head start' if you have concerns. Atleast there you will find real experts.

 
Old 03-28-2007, 09:00 PM   #4
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I hope that study is right! The nurse that told me all this was the state nurse. It's funny that you mention head start because I actually work for that program with pre-schoolers. My daughter goes to a separate daycare in town. I just got a little distraught over this information the nurse told me. I just think DD is a very introverted person and in my opinion every baby develops differently. Thanks for the info!

 
Old 03-29-2007, 05:30 AM   #5
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I would talk to your DD's pediatrician. My question is - what kind of "assessment" did this nurse do? Get a copy of it right away.

Fine motor skills have nothing to do with seperation anxiety so you may want to take a look at what they are saying she is not doing yet. Could you tell us what the nurse said she is behind on?

I don't have much advice - but from what I do know, all babies develop differently, and I am sure the same holds true for children your daughter's age.

On the flip side - and I don't want to panic you - but you do want to listen to what the nurse is saying (assuming she is experienced and knows what the heck she is talking about). Being a former school adminstrator, I have seen all kinds of children and know when a child may be lagging behind in an area. If your daughter is behind, you may be able to get her some help now.

My advice - don't ignore what has been told to you - but look into it further. Yes, we don't like to hear when our children are not performing "up to par", but the worst thing you can do is ignore what a specialist has told you.

Best of luck Brooke. Keep us informed!

 
Old 03-29-2007, 07:39 AM   #6
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I agree that it would be a good idea to speak to your pediatrician about the nurse's assessment. Just curious though, did this woman ask permission before giving your daughter an assessment? I would be angrier about that than anything, in a "what gives you the right?" kind of way. But that's just me.

 
Old 03-29-2007, 08:16 AM   #7
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I think the fact that the nurse informed the Mom of what she thought was concerning is fine if the mother isn't there to know, at least it is their job or the right thing to do is inform the Mom. Otherwise, if they didn't mention anything, the Mom wouldn't know. If I were in her situation I would want to know.

 
Old 03-29-2007, 11:44 AM   #8
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

Yes, they did inform me of the nurse coming to do the assessment and I did sign a form. I guess I just wasn't expecting to hear any cause for concern. She is coming to my house in 2 weeks to visit and see how things are in the home environment. I'm hoping that she sees things are different at home as I'm sure they are. And I agree with the previous poster who said that every baby develops differently. What one baby may be doing at 11 months another may not do until 13 months, but it doesn't mean that there is a developmental problem.
I'm thinking maybe the nurse is concerned with her more socially han anything because I spoil her a lot at home and hold her quite often (which I don't see anything wrong with as she is still my baby and I'm away from her all day at work) so when I'm with her she gets all my attention and she's really just used to me and her dad.
I will see how things go in a couple weeks! Thanks for all the advice ladies!

 
Old 03-29-2007, 12:01 PM   #9
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

Brooke,

Was your little girl early? If so, that assessment changes everything. My son was 10 weeks early and so his "developmental milestones" are on a totally different schedule. We were told, that he should be caught up by 2 years of age. However, your child seems perfectly normal. Not all children just up and walk by their first birthday. All kids are different. As long as she is advancing and doesn't seem too delayed, I don't think that there is anything to worry about. My son does much more for me at home, than he does at school. He is 13 months as well. We are trying to make arrangements so that I can begin to stay home with him until he begins preschool and then maybe work 1/2 days. He will probably be my only baby and I want to be able to spend as much time with him as I can. But I understand about working. Not all families are fortunate enough to be able to live on one income, which sucks. Don't fret. Talk to your pediatrician and go with your gut. Babies don't develop like the books state. They all have their own agendas.

Amy

 
Old 03-31-2007, 07:55 PM   #10
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I haven't read the other posts so you may have gotten the same answer already, or a better one, but your DD sounds totally normal to me. First, why in the world are they even trying to sit a one year old child down to do an activity? That is NOT developmentally appropriate at all. At this age there should be free play, with lots of toys, books, appropriate art materials for toddlers, etc. available and the little ones should be making the choices. Second, unless your daycare person who evaluated your baby is a doctor or early childhood specialist with a college degree I would not even consider what she has to say about the fine motor skills lagging. Furthermore, crawling, pulling up and walking (which can occur up to the age of about 16 months in a normally developing toddler) are NOT fine motor skills, but gross or large motor skillsl Third, toddlers are not even supposed to play with others or play nicely around others until they are between three and four years old! They are by nature independent and very egocentric. Nothing matters but them and what they want. It is normal and nothing to worry about. I hate to suggest this because it may not be an option for you for whatever reason, but I would think very seriously about changing daycares.

Nancy

 
Old 04-04-2007, 10:39 AM   #11
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

I can sympathize with your flight.

In the beginning my son had a big head.. I mean big. He was born four weeks early and was still ten pounds with a 14.2 inch circumference head. It is still 125% expected normal size. But he is also maxed out on growth. The size of his head ment he didn't crawl.. it anchored him to the ground and he did the roll thing to get where he wanted. When he could sit, he quickly went to standing and straight to walking. he never crawled technically. Developement is individual. He had great fine motor skill, but his over all body was limited in movement until it could handle the massive noggin.

We were sent to get MRI's because of his head size (all brain no slush in that noggin). He wouldn't talk to the pediatricians at age 2 and they feared water on the brain.. my son would tell me, "Me not dalk to dem, because dey were stanges.". I could get him around the corner from the pediatrician or the MD to wait outside the door and ask my son their question getting the appropriate response immediately even if the speech was garbled.

It took a year for him to consider the MDs alright and not strangers. A fear of strangers is good in my opinion with many bad people out there. It is possible that this is the case with your child if she has been newly introduced to the daycare system.. Adjustment can take up to a month depending on the child.

I worried about my sons speech the most it was garbled.. that didn't bother my pediatricians because of what he knew and could do. I had to take him to an ENT on my own. Turns out he had severely enlarged adnoids and tonsils.. which retained ear fluid and was causing a 30% hearing loss. Surgery corrected that and the improvement in speech and comprehension was immediate and astounding.

I have a very bright four year old. He is reading, writing, doing math on a (1-2 grade level) and very advanced.. Initially at school he would get bored, because they didn't think he could do such things, but independent evaluations with a good teacher proved otherwise.

We had to send him to a special school, not daycare for him to get the stimulation and environment he needed to thrive. He also doesn't tolerate kids that can not talk to him and play with him like he is used to.. he would much rather stand with and sit with the teachers discussing the working of cars and computers than tracing a shape and punching holes around it. Each child is different, mine is to smart for his own good and began thinking like a lawyer at age 2.

Your child is just adjusting all kids go through it.. mine took to his knew school right off. If he began to lack stimuli and get bored he would act out to stay home with me. My son also has had severe sleep apnea since birth, undiagnosed until I was diagnosed and new what I was looking for... This caused some behavioral issues which the Ped's tried to diagnose as ADD! There is so much out there that just one MD can not hope to know. Never accept just one opinion without question.

There is so much out there that can go wrong and be wrong.. but I just don't see it in your childs case.

I would investigate the day care facility, stop by unannounced an observe for yourself how your child is acting and being treated. I question the facility and would maybe look into something like a montessori based daycare and school. My son thrived early on in one before his academic needs went beyond what they were capable of providing. That type of school works beautifully for initial child development of all skills fine and gross motor as well as mental.

I wish you all the best of luck with the care and raising of your children.

Respectfully,
MG
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Old 04-05-2007, 07:41 AM   #12
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mkgbrook View Post
but his over all body was limited in movement until it could handle the massive noggin.
Oh my god, mg! I was taking a sip of my drink as I read that and just about squirted it out of my nose! My daughter also has a large head, and I call her my block head... lovingly, of course!

 
Old 04-05-2007, 08:09 AM   #13
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

The big head is my husbands fault, at four his head is bigger than mine!

I must accept blame for the tonsils, adnoids, sinus structure and sleep apnea. His internal structure is/was a carbon copies of mine. I am just hoping that he gets my allergies and that he doesn't get my husband's asthma.

Children are a great living experiment. It is amazing to see how they mimic you naturally with out coaching, my son is so like his father in mood and behaviour... and Gads, the things that come out of his mouth. We can only hope that they live long, happy, and healthy.

Respectfully,
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:14 AM   #14
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

After reading your post, I could assume my 2 year old son is behind! My oldest who is now 3 was pretty much on "schedule" for his milestones. He walked around 12 months and talking and such came at appropriate times. My 2 year old had a terrible time trying to crawl and didn't walk until about 14 months. His speech is no where near as clear as his brother's had been. Every child is different. My 2 year old is horribly attached to me. I can't leave him in any sort of childcare. I try and work out at the gym and he won't have any of it! He cried the entire time i'm gone. It's getting much worse the closer I get to the delivery of our 3rd child.

The best advice my pediatrician gave me was when I was having trouble potty training my oldest. "Do not rush the milestone...Crawling, walking, talking and potty training. These will all happen when the child is ready." Like the previous poster mentioned, I would see your doctor and relay the nurse's assessment and see what they think. But try not to worry too much! If there is something behind her assessment, be glad you had it caught now and not at a later date. Good luck!

 
Old 04-05-2007, 08:34 AM   #15
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Re: Is my 13 month old behind?

aelliott,

On the talking part for your 2 year old.. have you had your son seen by an ENT? It is often over looked, but that may be a source of you issues. If there is chronic ear fluid it effects balance, noise tolerance, hearing, pronounciation and much more.. We wouldn't have known to be so concerned so early if my husband hadn't had ear fluid issues for most of his formative years and needing speech therapy to correct it after the fact. Chronic ear fluid can also cause permenant hearing loss.

I am not saying that is the case with your son, but if he is responding so differentlythan your first and is sensitive to crowds and such it is worth investigating. The younger you get your tonsils and adnoids removed if it is necessary for you or yours the better. My son at 2 and 3.5 didn't bat an eyelash after his ENT surgeries.. me at 31.. wanted to be put down like a horse with a broken leg.

Best of luck on healthy, happy, children.. especially on the one to come. They are all individual and blessings in disguise.
MG
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