worried about going back to work (long) - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

deadsy · 04-23-2007, 03:07 AM

Hey everyone... I have to go back to work in a week and I am having some problems dealing with it. I have been lucky enough to have 12 precious weeks off with my daughter... but it's time to go back. I just don't know how either of us are going to be away from each other during the day. I *have* to work so staying home is not an option. I commute 45 minutes to/from work so I am gone for about 10 hours a day... and since I am so far from home, I won't be able to go see dd on lunch or anything.

Not only am I sad about being gone so much.. I am worried that this is going to be really hard on dd.
My sister is going to watch her for us... which is good, but my sister has kids of her own so I know she is busy. One of my concerns is that dd is very attached to me... and sometimes will only nap if I am holding her. The other day I left her with dh for a couple of hours so I could do some shopping. Dh had a really hard time because she screamed the whole time I was gone! As soon as I got home she was able to calm down. This happened again last time I left her with dh. I am worried she is going to scream all day for my dh and sister!! DD is a very high needs baby and I have catered to every need so I think I've created some bad habits unfortunately. As I said before she will pretty much only sleep if she is being held or sometimes she will fall asleep in her swing. This has lead us to co-sleeping.. which I didn't want to do but it was the only way any of us could get any sleep. These last few weeks I've been putting her down in her bassinet as soon as she falls asleep... but usually she will only sleep for about 15 minutes on her own. I don't know if my sister is going to be able to hold her all day like I do. Will she just learn to sleep on her own after a few days... or weeks... with my sister? Ugh... just the thought of all of this makes me want to cry!!
Has anyone else gone through this? and if so, when does it get better?? I have so much anxiety over this, I just don't know what to do. I am sorry this is so long but thank you for letting me vent out my concerns.

luvmy2kids · 04-23-2007, 11:33 AM

I sympathize with you. I wish I didn't have to work, but I do. Fortunately I work in the same town as my daycare, so we're together in the car for the 20 minute commute to and from. I don't think it gets easier to leave your child, so I'm not going to lie to you! Have you looked into finding another position that's closer, so you have less of a commute? Would you be able to work from home a couple of days a week? Would you possibly be able to go back to work part time? Those are my only suggestions! Otherwise, I would suggest trying to find a position that's opposite hours from your dh, so that you can be home with your dd during the day. Good luck.

bridget021182 · 04-23-2007, 02:44 PM

I wish I could help but unfortunatly Im going through the same thing with my dd. She will be 8 months next week. She will be 8.5 months when I go back to work. She does really good with my dh or mil but anyone else she screams the whole time im gone. I had to leave her for a few hours a couple days last week and the first day on my mother was really hard because she cried and threw a fit the whole time I was gone (3 hours). The next day was better. I think she will just need to get used to this person and that you will be leaving her for a little while. Im looking at putting her in a day care center since nothing else will work. We were hoping that we didnt have to do that but unfortunatly it has to be that way. Im looking at a center that is really close to work so maybe I can go over and nurse her on my lunch hour. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Hope2Heal · 04-23-2007, 03:56 PM

HI

I feel for you and your situation. I went back to work when my Baby was almost 4 months old. I was very worried too. I teach preschool in a daycare center so the best part for me is that he is able to come to work with me and I keep tabs on him all day long. I will tell you the first 3-4 weeks was terrible. My baby was used to the same things, being held , co-sleeping, napping on me, given tons of attention, picked up at every whimper. Of course they don't do that in the daycare, so he did have a very hard time. HE screamed. It was hard for me because I could hear him screaming and couldn't run down the hall. It became a big issue because he would't sleep there and was beside himself with exhaustion. I was constantly in a state of anxiety. Anyhow he is now doing wonderfully at 8 months and has been since 5 months. The key to this was 2 things, one that he began playing with toys and entertaining himself a bit by 5 months so school suddenly became a fun place. HE enjoys the exersaucer and bouncy jumper and all the toys and loves the other kids. the second thing was the swing. He fell asleep in the swing and napped well there. Also I talked them into letting him sleep on his belly since he is not a back sleeper and he started sleeping better. HE still doesn't sleep as much there as at home but is still pretty happy.

You can maybe start with your sister and see how it goes. You may want to look into a daycare next to your job. Then you have the commute together to sing and chit chat and can pop in to see your baby during your break. But it does get better as they get older. My babies need to be constantly held has turned to his need to constantly play. (and eat solids!) And now that he can crawl the whole world is a playground.

You baby will miss you but will adjust. If it's not working there are other options . This is the decision you made so don't keep second guessing yourself or beat yourself up with guilt and worry. Good luck

Cookiem26 · 04-23-2007, 06:33 PM

I agree with the previous post about trying to find a position opposite your Dh's if at all possible so you could be home during the day with her. I have a 10 month old DD and honestly a year ago, I was absolutely frantic about putting her in daycare and she wasn't even born yet. I was in a high level position at work and never imagined there were options for me. I approached my boss after agonizing over the thought of daycare for several months and asked to step into a lower level position and cut back to part time and my DH adjusted his schedule so now he works Saturday-Tuesday and me Wed. through Friday. So although it can be tough at times as a couple because we don't see each other as much as we used to, it has worked out so great for us and our DD is at home with one of us all the time. Financially things have gotten much tighter but it's funny how you can adjust, things are working out well. Just check into any options into staying home part time if at all possible, I could never dream that it would work out for me especially at the level I was working at but it did and we are very happy so you never know. Good luck to you. I hope it all works out.