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Old 04-23-2007, 02:07 AM   #1
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deadsy HB User
worried about going back to work (long)

Hey everyone... I have to go back to work in a week and I am having some problems dealing with it. I have been lucky enough to have 12 precious weeks off with my daughter... but it's time to go back. I just don't know how either of us are going to be away from each other during the day. I *have* to work so staying home is not an option. I commute 45 minutes to/from work so I am gone for about 10 hours a day... and since I am so far from home, I won't be able to go see dd on lunch or anything. Not only am I sad about being gone so much.. I am worried that this is going to be really hard on dd.
My sister is going to watch her for us... which is good, but my sister has kids of her own so I know she is busy. One of my concerns is that dd is very attached to me... and sometimes will only nap if I am holding her. The other day I left her with dh for a couple of hours so I could do some shopping. Dh had a really hard time because she screamed the whole time I was gone! As soon as I got home she was able to calm down. This happened again last time I left her with dh. I am worried she is going to scream all day for my dh and sister!! DD is a very high needs baby and I have catered to every need so I think I've created some bad habits unfortunately. As I said before she will pretty much only sleep if she is being held or sometimes she will fall asleep in her swing. This has lead us to co-sleeping.. which I didn't want to do but it was the only way any of us could get any sleep. These last few weeks I've been putting her down in her bassinet as soon as she falls asleep... but usually she will only sleep for about 15 minutes on her own. I don't know if my sister is going to be able to hold her all day like I do. Will she just learn to sleep on her own after a few days... or weeks... with my sister? Ugh... just the thought of all of this makes me want to cry!!
Has anyone else gone through this? and if so, when does it get better?? I have so much anxiety over this, I just don't know what to do. I am sorry this is so long but thank you for letting me vent out my concerns.

 
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:33 AM   #2
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Re: worried about going back to work (long)

I sympathize with you. I wish I didn't have to work, but I do. Fortunately I work in the same town as my daycare, so we're together in the car for the 20 minute commute to and from. I don't think it gets easier to leave your child, so I'm not going to lie to you! Have you looked into finding another position that's closer, so you have less of a commute? Would you be able to work from home a couple of days a week? Would you possibly be able to go back to work part time? Those are my only suggestions! Otherwise, I would suggest trying to find a position that's opposite hours from your dh, so that you can be home with your dd during the day. Good luck.

 
Old 04-23-2007, 01:44 PM   #3
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Re: worried about going back to work (long)

I wish I could help but unfortunatly Im going through the same thing with my dd. She will be 8 months next week. She will be 8.5 months when I go back to work. She does really good with my dh or mil but anyone else she screams the whole time im gone. I had to leave her for a few hours a couple days last week and the first day on my mother was really hard because she cried and threw a fit the whole time I was gone (3 hours). The next day was better. I think she will just need to get used to this person and that you will be leaving her for a little while. Im looking at putting her in a day care center since nothing else will work. We were hoping that we didnt have to do that but unfortunatly it has to be that way. Im looking at a center that is really close to work so maybe I can go over and nurse her on my lunch hour. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 
Old 04-23-2007, 02:56 PM   #4
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Re: worried about going back to work (long)

HI

I feel for you and your situation. I went back to work when my Baby was almost 4 months old. I was very worried too. I teach preschool in a daycare center so the best part for me is that he is able to come to work with me and I keep tabs on him all day long. I will tell you the first 3-4 weeks was terrible. My baby was used to the same things, being held , co-sleeping, napping on me, given tons of attention, picked up at every whimper. Of course they don't do that in the daycare, so he did have a very hard time. HE screamed. It was hard for me because I could hear him screaming and couldn't run down the hall. It became a big issue because he would't sleep there and was beside himself with exhaustion. I was constantly in a state of anxiety. Anyhow he is now doing wonderfully at 8 months and has been since 5 months. The key to this was 2 things, one that he began playing with toys and entertaining himself a bit by 5 months so school suddenly became a fun place. HE enjoys the exersaucer and bouncy jumper and all the toys and loves the other kids. the second thing was the swing. He fell asleep in the swing and napped well there. Also I talked them into letting him sleep on his belly since he is not a back sleeper and he started sleeping better. HE still doesn't sleep as much there as at home but is still pretty happy.

You can maybe start with your sister and see how it goes. You may want to look into a daycare next to your job. Then you have the commute together to sing and chit chat and can pop in to see your baby during your break. But it does get better as they get older. My babies need to be constantly held has turned to his need to constantly play. (and eat solids!) And now that he can crawl the whole world is a playground.

You baby will miss you but will adjust. If it's not working there are other options . This is the decision you made so don't keep second guessing yourself or beat yourself up with guilt and worry. Good luck
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Old 04-23-2007, 05:33 PM   #5
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Cookiem26 HB User
Talking Re: worried about going back to work (long)

I agree with the previous post about trying to find a position opposite your Dh's if at all possible so you could be home during the day with her. I have a 10 month old DD and honestly a year ago, I was absolutely frantic about putting her in daycare and she wasn't even born yet. I was in a high level position at work and never imagined there were options for me. I approached my boss after agonizing over the thought of daycare for several months and asked to step into a lower level position and cut back to part time and my DH adjusted his schedule so now he works Saturday-Tuesday and me Wed. through Friday. So although it can be tough at times as a couple because we don't see each other as much as we used to, it has worked out so great for us and our DD is at home with one of us all the time. Financially things have gotten much tighter but it's funny how you can adjust, things are working out well. Just check into any options into staying home part time if at all possible, I could never dream that it would work out for me especially at the level I was working at but it did and we are very happy so you never know. Good luck to you. I hope it all works out.

 
Old 04-24-2007, 08:42 AM   #6
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Re: worried about going back to work (long)

Hi Deadsy! It's so good to hear from you! We were all worried! So, I see you had a DD and everything is going well.
I went back to work 3 weeks ago. My mom is watching my DS. I'm in the same situation, I HAVE to work.
The one good thing about your sister watching him is you can call as many times as you like, to see how she is and actually talk to her. It's great to hear those little coos during the day. You can't do that with a daycare. I call my DS like 4 or 5 times a day!
DD will get use to it. If she gets tired enough she'll sleep. and if she doesn't she'll just sleep better for you at night, becuse she'll be so exhausted.
I also had the same problem with DS not sleeping. I have to swaddle him and lay him down close to the edge of the bassinet on his side. I think it feels warm and comforting to him. He will NOT sleep in the middle on his back, he'll only sleep like 15 min then wake up crying, that way.
Sorry so long. Good luck on your first day. It's so hard! I cried all day. But it does get easier...

-JellyB and BabyB

 
Old 04-24-2007, 09:04 AM   #7
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neshee HB User
Re: worried about going back to work (long)

A little tip (if you have time, as I know you are going back to work soon) is to let your sister come over (or take her to your sis) every day for a little while. Let her hold her, rock her, etc. Get used to where she is going to be. She will adjust, but it will take time. Don't blame yourself for all of this (yes it is your fault, but ALL OF US MOMS DO IT!!!! LOL!!!). So, we are the ones who suffer for it the most. Call her often, check up. If you can get a daycare near your work, then go for it. Then you could visit on lunch hour. I am suspecting (b/c I do the same) that your sister doesn't charge near as much as daycare would?? So, obviously you are thinking all around for your family. I DON'T suggest you switch jobs to flip with your DH's. This won't give you any complete family time that is so very important. You are doing what is right for your DD and your family, or you wouldn't be doing it. Good luck. I will pray that your DD adjusts quickly and well to the change, and that you can be less anxiety ridden about it. Remember habits take 2 weeks to form, so it may be a little while before she is cooperative.

 
Old 04-25-2007, 09:19 AM   #8
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81BABY HB User
Re: worried about going back to work (long)

I know how you feel not wanting to leave your dd. When i had my son i worried all the time when i was pregnant and after about going back to work. I felt i couldn't leave him yet. So i just didnt go back to work, right now money is tight but its worth it, plus my dd also loves having me home.

 
Old 04-28-2007, 06:10 PM   #9
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deadsy HB User
Re: worried about going back to work (long)

Thanks so much everyone for the support, advice, and well wishes. I am sorry it took so long to reply back.... things have been busy this week trying to get ready to go back to work. The good news is my dd has started to sleep in her bassinett at night for about 5 or so hours until she needs to nurse again. I think this will help her with her naps during the day... she is learning to be able to sleep on her own. I have also been putting her on her side to sleep... it seems like she likes that a lot better.
I know it will be hard for the first couple of weeks.. but you are all right, she will just have to get used to it. I don't have the option of working part time at my job. I work for a large company that pays fairly well, so finding another job is not something I want to do. Especially since I am the bread winner in this family! I could put her on daycare up where I work, but like one of you said my sister is only charging me $100 a month to watch her and plus I know she will treat her well. I am not against putting her on daycare later on... but I think this is the best situation for us right now!
So anyway... We will see how Monday goes. I am sure I will cry the whole way to work.. sigh. At least I will get a chance to see all my friends/co-workers again... and it will be nice to have some adult conversations again. hehe I also have a gym at my work so I am going to try to get back in shape if at all possible.... haha! Just trying to look at the positive side of things.

JellyB- Thanks for thinking of me!!! Ever since dd was born I have had little time to come on the net. I came on after she was born and gave a brief update, but maybe you didn't see it! She was born 2/5/07... one week over due!! Chloe Brielle is her name. 8 lbs 2 oz. I had a completely natural birth, and let me tell you... it hurt!!! Chloe is now up to 14 lbs and 24 inches. I can't believe it... where does the time go!! How is your little one doing? When was he born... I know our due dates were close. I hope you are both doing well!!! Give me an update when you can =)

Alrighty well I should get going now that I've written a book.. lol. I hope all of you working moms out there are doing okay!! Thanks again for the support... it means a lot to me! Take care everyone.

 
Old 04-30-2007, 10:19 AM   #10
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Re: worried about going back to work (long)

Hi Deadsy!
My little one, Mr. Dylan Hunter, came on 1/28/07. Right on his due date!
with a very long labor and hours of pushing then finally....C-Section. But, we both got through it fine. He was 7lb 6 oz and will be weighed again today at the Dr. but I think he's around 12 1/2lbs.
going to Work STINKS!! I had a meltdown after dropping off DS today. I cried and cried and cried. So, Good Luck, I'll be thinking about you.
-JellyB & BabyB

 
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