Hi guys! I don't know if this is a legitimate question, but my 11 months old baby girl, seems to prefer her dad more than me. I feel awful.
You see, I am going through nursing school and this semester has been particularly hard, lots to study and projects. I have a full time baby-sitter. Thank God next week will be my last final. Ok then back next semester.
The thing is that I feel really guilty that I don't spend much time with Alexandra. However, I do spend more time with her than my husband does, Trust me.
During the weekdays, I usually get up early in the morning, bathe her, feed her, etc. Then I take her to the baby-sitter, later I pick her up. Some evenings I put her to bed, some evenings my husband does since I have a class in the evenings (tues, thr). On Sat we have the baby-sitter. On Sundays, my hubby baby-sits her all day. My husband doesnít even have to do much when he baby-sits her because when I leave my baby with him, I leave her lunches and snacks ready, she will be also bathed. All he has to do is watch her, play and feed her. Ok, a lot, but at least he does not have to make her soups!
Lately, I have noticed that when my husband is around she doesnít want to do anything with me. This makes me feel like I want to throw up!!!!!!!! Right now I am studying for a final and I canít even concentrate. I feel if I have done something terrible to her that she hates me now.
You see, my husband and my MIL have been giving me grief because I am going to school and I haven't had much time to spend with Alex. Last time my MIL was here, she begged me to quit school and be a full time mom saying: "Alexandra needs you, Alexandra needs you, donít you feel bad?" I tear every time I remember those words.
My question is, are any of you moms having your baby girls detaching from you and being more attached to dads? IF so, how do you feel? Does it make you feel bad... or even Jealous?
I know, I am selfish huh?!! Or I am just carrying this load of guiltiness feeling that does not let me live?
I have a 12 month old DD who goes through spurts like this as well. My DH works full time, and I stay home, but occasionally she is all about Daddy! I must admit, after awhile I will feel jealous and like I am doing something wrong. But I just try and remind myself that it is totally normal, and that eventually she always comes back to Mama.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry. I would appreciate that your DD has such a strong relationship with her Daddy, because so many little girls don't. That will serve you both well as she gets older. I am a firm believer that little girls really need to have strong ties to their Dads.
Also, when DD was going through one of her Daddy phases, I got an email update from a website that talks about what my child should be doing every week, and it had an article about children being attached to their fathers, and how that was completely normal, and even healthy for them to occasionally go through spurts where they want, or need Daddy more.
So please, don't beat yourself up. You are doing nothing wrong.
Often babies at this age see dads as their fun parent.They play more with them and moms are the care takers. Do not feel bad about this its normal. And congrats on your going to school soon you will be graduated and have more time to spend with your daughter. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about going to school you and millions of other moms are either working long hours or like you trying to get through school and raise a family..
rbettis- your post made me so sad! I cannot believe that your DH & MIL would give you so much grief about going to school!! You are bettering your life and therefore bettering the life of your child. MANY moms HAVE to work...me for example, I don't have a choice, we cannot live on DHs salary, so without my salary we woudln't be able to make it. I feel guilty sometimes as well, but thank goodness I have the support of my family and friends to remind me that sometimes things HAVE to be done.
I admire you for finishing your school...and your daughter will one day too. Both of my parents had me when they were 18, fresh out of hs...then less than 2 years later had my brother. My mom went back to school when I was 5...then my dad went as soon as she graduated, it was a rough 8 years living on one salary being shuffled a bit...but they both graduated and have since gone back to get multiple masters degrees...and I respect them more than they'll ever know. Especially now that I have a daughter of my own. They taught me the value of education.
As far as the daughter wanting dad thing, my DD goes thorugh phases like that too. She's about 10.5 months. Most of the time she wants mommy...but there are days when mommy is chopped liver and daddy is disneyworld, because she wont' so much look in my direction! I'm sure your DD will turn the corner soon and then YOU'LL be all she wants!!
Take care of yourself, and don't let DH & MIL get to you. Stay strong, you're doing a good thing for yourself and your family!
and enjoy every second you have with your little girl!!
You are right; so many little girls donít have the support of the father. That is something that I am really lucky to have. Where do you get those emails updates, is it from BabyCenter? I used to get updates from them while I was pregnant. Hey, and nice talking to you, it has been long 12 months since last time we talked. Remember the ďApril mommies section?Ē Gardenandcats:
Thanks for the words. Yes, that is what I responded to MIL when she said that: ďmany moms work hard for what they wantĒ. But she doesnít see it. I donít have a very good MIL, she is very spoiled and never has worked hard in her life for anything. She wants people to wine and dine her all the time. It has gotten really old with me. Sometimes I stay quiet just for the sake of harmony; however, I just donít know how much longer I can keep up this front. Youneakoo:
Thank you! Yes, I have been down lately thinking if I should quit school and be with my baby. My husband used to support me a lot when I started the program, but slowly he has been getting somewhat upset that I havenít been there totally for Alexandra. And I must say I spend more time with her than he does. I feel this all has been the bad seed of my MIL. I feel she has been bad mouthing me behind my back and now hubby only sees the down side of going back to school. My husband commented the other day that I donít have to study 18 hours a day. I do study a lot. First, my English is a second language so I read slower than most people; Second, I face the pressure of having to be at a close 4.0 at school. They require high GPS for the nursing program. Therefore, I have to put in my time. He has made me feel I am not very smart for having to put so many hours into my studies. I guess right now I canít see anything good on hubby. I am sure good days will come.
Nevertheless, I am glad to know that these are phases that Alex will go thought. I was not sure of it.
This coming week I will be having my last final. I will plan a lot of activities with Alex right after. That would keep us closer.
You see, my husband and my MIL have been giving me grief because I am going to school and I haven't had much time to spend with Alex. Last time my MIL was here, she begged me to quit school and be a full time mom saying: "Alexandra needs you, Alexandra needs you, don’t you feel bad?" I tear every time I remember those words.
This part of your post makes me so sad! I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that you husband has your little one on Sundays and that's play time - of course she's going to want daddy, he's a play buddy! I am home with my daughter every day now after giving up my job to stay home and my husband works 6 days a week - on Sundays when he is home, my daughter is in her glory because her play buddy is there to have boat loads of fun with. I love seeing it because I know how sad he is that he doesn't get more time with her.
As I mentioned, I'm home because I'm taking a few years off from working which was not an easy decision to make - but I honestly, truly do not believe your child loves you more or loves you less whether or not you are there with them every single moment of every day. Be proud of what you are accomplishing and remember that one day when your little one is older, she will be impressed with what you achieved when she was so young.
Hang in there and good luck!
Last edited by luckydarlin; 05-25-2008 at 06:00 PM.
I think staying home is great. I stay home with my daughter, but I decided to take my college classes on-line. I also had to take a break for a while when my daughter went through phases and needed more attention from me. I realize my response may be different from others, but to me, you cannot get this time back and raising my daughter is more important that finishing school at this point. I know all of our situations are different, but that is jusy my take. If you are not available as much, she will naturally want her Dad. Since I stay home and raise our daughter, she went through phases where she prefered myself over her Dad and sometimes it would make him sad, but it was also a phase. She recently turned two and she is more active and now she prefers to spend time with him over me. Perhaps you could make some adjustments by taking classes from home or put off classes for a couple of months until certain phases pass.....that is what I did. Hope this gives you different insight, best of luck,
this happened with me & my daughter at almost the same age! my dh worked alot and i was with my dd most of the time! She wanted her dad tho! After a while that passed and she was back to mommys girl!She now takes turns and thats okay cuz i can use a break.It'll pass!
You wonít believe this; in my bathroom I have a basket with Magazines. I looked over and there it was a Parenting magazine that had an article made just for me. It talked about how 1 year old babies start wanting to cling on the opposite parent. They say that girls tend to do it more with their dads. It also says it comes in spurs. It talked as well about moms that work or go full time to school; it says it was not the quantity but the quality. It was a very inspiring article.
Then mom calls, and she starts telling all of the things I do for Alexandra, she goes:
Who is the one that films all those cute ďfirstsĒ Alex does, when she took the first steps, or when she clapped for the first time? YOU
Who saw her teeth coming out first? YOU
Who is the one that keeps taking pics of Alex every time she does something new? YOU
Who is there at her crib ALL night long when Alex is sick? YOU
Who put her birthday together even though you had 4 midterms the following week? YOU Ö You run bought the dress, baked the cake, send the invites. I never saw you MIL doing anything; all she did was to criticize.
Who is the one that works on her photo albums and 5 year book up and has it up today? YOU
Who reads to her? YOU
My mom when on remaining me all of the things I do for her. It is easy for others to point out the bads. In this case, it is easy for them to see the hours I put in my studies, but they donít see the good time I put on her. My mom said not to quit school that I only have a year and half left. Mom says that later it is harder because Alexandra will be talking and wanting to go here and there. She says that once I am a nurse, I can set the hours I want. I can work one day a week if I want and then have all the other days for Alex.
She gave me so much encouragement that gave me the adrenaline I needed to keep going. Arenít MOMS wonderful?
Luckydarlin, when you said this <<<<<but I honestly, truly do not believe your child loves you more or loves you less whether or not you are there with them every single moment of every day.>>>>> my mom said the same thing. She reminded me of how busy she was when I was growing up as well, and still loved her so much. And it is true, you never will love you mom any less.
AlexaIn2006: I am taking an online class this summer. However, it is very time consuming, but I will definitely have a lot of time left for Alex and I, so we will be doing a lot of things. Unfortunately, no very many classes for nursing are given on line. When the fall semester comes around, I will cross that bridge then.
Lbp35; you know, it is funny. Yes, that gives us a break!!!! I need to start looking at the bright side of it
your post made me laugh because i remember my two girls doing exactly the same thing at that age too! and even now they go through phases where they just would rather be with dad.... just this morning, my four year old woke up and started calling her dad and she finally came running into my bedroom yelling, "daddy! daddy! daddy!" only to find out he was already gone for work, and she immediately burst into tears and ran off to her room crying.... she stayed there for 15 minutes just crying about how she wanted her dad. so pitiful!
she eventually got over it and she loves me again.... until her dad gets home anyway.....