How Would You Handle This? - Infant Care (up to 18 months old) Message Board

megss · 12-01-2008, 07:07 PM

Today my good friend watched Grace for the day. DH normally has today off, but had to work since he had Thanksgiving off, so we paid her since she is home with her daughter (11 months older than Grace). I am really unhappy with her. She knows that I do not believe in the CIO method, but she let Grace cry herself to sleep for her nap, all by herself, in the play pen in the basement. When Grace woke up, she had bad diaper rash and was poppy. My friend said she must have pooped during her nap, but I know that is absurd. I don't poop when I sleep, do you? Grace was probably so scared and upset that she had diarreah or something while she was crying. BTW, Grace kind of knows my friend, but this was her first time there by herself. Then when DH picked Grace up, her diaper was soaked and soggy, like she hadn't been changed in forever.
Do I have the right to be mad? I feel horrible for leaving Grace with her. I kinda said something over the phone when she told me she let Grace cry, but I didn't express my true feelings. How should I handle this? I know everyone has different parenting styles, but I feel that the baby sitter should respect mine with my own child, especially if I am paying her.

WhiskersOnKittens · 12-01-2008, 11:11 PM

Hi Meggs,

If it were my child, I would feel exactly the same way! My first thought, even before finishing your post, was that if you are paying her (especially), and she knows how you like your child to be treated, she should DEFINITELY respect that! Did she have an excuse for letting her CIO when she knows you don't do that? Or is that just what she does with her lo, so figured it was ok? Either way, I think if you're treating her as a normal babysitter, she should follow your directions with how to treat your child.

I'm not sure what you should do about it though, I guess it really depends on what you feel comfortable with. Other's will probably tell you to tell her how you feel, which might be the right thing to do, but if it were me, I'm not sure that I would. I guess it would just depend on who the person was, and if they'd be looking after my ds again or not. If you plan to use her as a babysitter again, I would definitely bring it up, and stress how you feel about the situation.

Oh, and try not to feel too bad for Grace--kids are SO resilient (sp?), I'm sure she didn't take the day as hard as you did. Although I can relate to how you feel--you probably feel like your baby has been neglected and mistreated, and what a terrible feeling.... But I'm sure she's just fine, so try not to worry about it.

Whiskers

P.S. About the poopy diaper--my ds has NEVER gone when he's actually sleeping either, so I'm pretty darn sure that's not the case! Maybe she went just after she woke up? I would hate to think that she slept in it. Poor baby!

AnnD · 12-01-2008, 11:40 PM

Well you have every right to be mad if you told her what you expected of her and you should of known where baby would sleep. If you didn't discuss with your friend what you expected then you can't really be mad at her...but I know I would be anyway. Whatever the case... just don't ever use her again. This might just be a deal breaker for the two of you but oh well...family comes first no matter what. Fortunately your little one will never know this happened and you will have to forgive yourself. Never assume just because you are friends that you can read each others minds...or that she will do it your way since she doesn't share your same style. Live and learn.

kittyroo · 12-02-2008, 11:43 AM

Try not use her as a sitter again unless you get in a serious pinch. Then you can make it crystal clear how you expect Grace to be handled. If you can get away with not using her again, try to let it go. I know it's tough.

Me, personally, I would never use her again..... after I got in her face about it. Not very mature, but that's me :-)

megss · 12-02-2008, 08:39 PM

Hey everyone-

I won't ask her to baby sit again. She is one of my best friends so I guess I thought I could trust her. She does let her DD CIO. I've actually been over there before when she did. Chances are, she was probably overwhelmed with two tots, and she is 22 weeks pregnant, but it was just for one day. We have had discussions in the past about how I should let Grace CIO since she is still not sleeping through the night, and I know that everyone thinks their parenting style is the best, so she probably thought she was entitled. I will be having major surgery soon, and I will be unable to work/ do my normal activities for about 3 months post op. She wants me to hire her to help out with Grace. I'm not sure what I should do about that. For one thing, she has her DD, who Grace adores, so I know Grace would have a lot of fun. And she would be at my house, so I will be there the whole time. I don't know, this is going to take some thought!