Why does God hate me? - Infertility Message Board

Paet · 07-21-2004, 04:38 AM

I don't get it.

I had an IUI. 3 eggs. 59 million sperm. Why wouldn't they implant?
I don't understand. I guess it could have been a miscarriage because I was
nauseous for 2 weeks then suddenly, out of the blue last night,
the nausea disappeared.

Still, I'm not young. I'm 32. I'm just getting older. I don't want to be
an old lady in my kids' lives (if it ever happens) and I also don't want to die
a lonely old lady someday with no family.

Why is God punishing me? Why does he allow other women to have babies
and abuse them? I don't understand ANYTHING right now.

*crying*

Aunt-Bon · 07-21-2004, 06:09 AM

I use to feel exactly the same way as you. Not to discourage because there is hope, I had six months of back to back IUI's and then a 2 month break went on BCP for six weeks and then 2 more months of back to back to back IUI's all with Clomid 150mg and I always had nice eggs and gooe sperm count. We were on another 2 month break because we were going to start IVF and I found out I was PG on our own 2 weeks before starting IVF. So miracles definately happen. I use to say every month Why me god why does it always have to be me, Now I have 3 weeks left of this Pregnancy and it has been a rough one so again I am saying god why me, but I am holding up and can't wait for this little one to arrive.

I think the whole time we were doing the IUI's the timing was completely off. We would do them anywhere between days 12 and 16 and I know that when I got PG it was day 22. Did you do a trigger shot? We never did.

Good luck I hope you get your BFP soon

Paet · 07-21-2004, 06:28 AM

Yes, they did an ultrasound to make sure my egg folliciles were about to burst
and then I took the trigger shot.

We'll be going on a 2 month break because my insurance ends on July 31st and
my husband's doesn't kick in until October. (Why does insurance run our lives???)

So, I'll probably be able to go on Clomid this cycle but can't do another IUI until October. Don't want to fork out over $300 to pay for the IUI without insurance.
(And who knows how much the sperm washing costs).

SIGH.....the timing would have been so perfect....it's just not fair.

I have a new house, an empty room, my husband has a good job, I want to be a stay at home mommy. We live in a beautiful neighborhood. My child would only get the best...so WHY can't it happen??

I never knew this would happen to me. I thought I was like everyone else.

ladybug8372 · 07-21-2004, 06:51 AM

there are alot more women out there that feel like you do, more than we ever thought. i am one of them. fortunately, i was blessed with 2 girls...but i always wanted a 3rd child. i love kids, and always dreamed of a house full. it absolutely makes me sick to hear of ones that abuse their kids, throwing little innocent babies in dumpsters to die, ones having babies that dont deserve them, and ones having babies that didnt plan on more and act like the blessing they were surprised with are more of a nuisance than joy. i suffer with endometriosis...my husband and i havent used protection in 8 years. i, too, am 32 years old...so i feel its time for me to give it up and move on. it doesnt seem fair, but its just something i have to deal with. what makes my situation worse is that my husband didnt want anymore kids, he was trying as a favor to me, so, he wont go seek fertility help of any kind. i did try clomid a few years ago for about 3 months--got frustrated cause nothing was happening. i have recently started buying the ovulation kits, timing things perfectly---nothing!! you know, i decided a few years ago that if my daughters came home one day and told me that they are pregnant earlier than i feel they should, i will bless them--and not condemn them--as i realize just how precious being able to become pregnant is...and that anything can ruin that at anytime. i was 18 and 21 when i had my kids---who knew that at age 24--my baby days would be over with---i just thank God that i did have mine at an early age---otherwise, i wouldnt have had a chance to be a mother. i am praying for you, please keep the faith...God doesnt hate you...although i know exactly how you feel.

SpeisFamily · 07-21-2004, 06:56 AM

OK, let me take a breath, I have several things to say.

God does not hate you honey, he loves you more than you would ever know, please have faith in him and understand that things are not always done the way you think they should be. I truley hope that you would get pregnant but have you ever thought about adoption? You mentioned that there are so many women who have babies and abuse them, have you thought about saving one of them? You can adopt a baby just after it's been born, before anyone has a chance to abuse it, you can give it a beautiful life and save it from a lifetime of Hell. I know it does cost a pretty penny but some insurance companies help pay for it. My DH is in the military and there is actually a program that helps pay for adoptions. MY father was adopted by my grandparents when they were in their 40's after never being able to conceive. My father was 6 when he was adopted, came from a very troubled home, but because of the parenting of my grandparents he turned out to be the best dad ever. He realized that what my grandparents did was give him a REAL family, even if there was no blood involved. Thank God that my Grandma couldn't get pregnant, because who knows what would have happened to my dad.

I know you want to have your own baby, made from you and your DH. I truly hope that God blesses you with one. But please don't ever think God hates you, trust in him, pray. He may just answer your prayer, but maybe not the way that you think he should. He will never forsake you or leave you, it is us who turn our backs on him.