dolphin27

This is going to be long and I'm mainly ranting so just hear me out please I could use the moral support!
For starters, I have come to realize that I am so ready to have a child of my own that I am unconsciously doing things for my child I haven't even concieved yet. I found myself ordering a baby swimming pool with ring toss, basketball hoop, slide and attached sprinkler. I said that I was ordering it so when my nephews and nieces come over they will have something to do, well my neighbors so dearly pointed out that I was doing it thinking that if I act like a great mommy I will be a mommy. Well I guess that's not how this world works but hey what ever makes me happy I guess.

My big headache these days is my MIL. She is so double sided it drives me crazy, on both of my husbands sides of the family there are babies, so every family function we go to his mother craddles the baby and talks how she just can't wait to be a grandmother, then adds when the time is right though. Well that never bothered me when she'ld say that BEFORE we got married thinking that she meant she didn't want any grandkids out of wedlock. Well we've been married 4 months now, and I decided to go see a doctor about my fertility, SH(stupid husband) told his mom about it(tells her everything). She then proceeds to tell me again how she thinks that we should wait until the time is right, Hello, we're married for crying out loud what more does she want. My husband is very stable at his job, working there for 6 years, I've been working at mine for 3. We have more income than we can spend, we have a great house. There is nothing more that I can think of that could happen to make her happy and decide that the time is right for us. That is until it is brought up about the family curse. His mom has 5 sisters. These ladies are the tightest I've ever seen. Together they all have 16 kids, my husband is the second oldest. 3 of them have been married, all of them have ended in divorce within the first 3 years. There are 4 children from my DH's cousins. Of the 4 only 1's parent is married to the father, they have only been married 2 years. This is her 2nd marriage. I think what my MIL's problem is, is that she thinks all her kids, nieces, and nephews are angels and who they marry are prime evil. Their first marriage will never last and it takes the second marriage to last. I think she's afraid that we'll end up having a child and then get a divorce and I'll be as snot nosed about the situation like her niece is with her child and ex. It is so hard to hear her say that she wants grandkids but thinks I'm not the right person to give them to her. I think what would make her the most happy is if I screwed up and our marriage ended so that I wouldn't be there to corrupt her son's life. I'm sorry but this lady intimidates me and I shouldn't let her get to me the way she does but she just thinks she's always right and everyone else is always wrong. I think someone needs to stand up to her and put her in her place and everytime I do no one will back me up and I get chewed out by everyone else and I go into my 2 months of hiding and don't talk to anyone and then all of a sudden everything is suppose to be ok. I'm sorry but I won't stand for it anymore. My DH and I are in love. We talk about starting a family all the time and if I weren't so screwed up on the inside we'ld have a family by now. I even have him agreeing about possibly looking into adoption. And I'm sorry but if she can't accept that then well she'll just have to stay away from here. I can't imagine my DH leaving me because his mom and I don't see eye to eye.

I apologize for it being so long but I needed to vent some how.