? about admitting infertility - Infertility Message Board

TryN2BMommy · 06-26-2006, 07:47 AM

Hi Everyone! Happy Monday

My BF's family came into town yesterday (from Texas) and they had pictures of the newest addition to the family (his nephew was born 2 weeks ago today & is absolutely beautiful). Anyway, the inevitable ??? came up of when we are going to have a baby. We just smile & shrug & everybody puts their 2 cents in about how we either don't want or can't have kids (well, duh). I made a suggestion to my BF this morning that maybe we should just come out and tell them the truth - that we have been trying for years & we are talking to our drs about it. I think he is uncomfortable about admitting that we are struggling to conceive, but I think it would really take the pressure off of us if his family understood what we are going through. Anybody else dealing with this? Any thoughts or suggestions about getting him to talk about it? All of our friends already have children, and they ask us the same ???. I don't know if he wants to tell all his friends, but at least if we could relieve the pressure from the family...it might make the whole thing more bearable. Also, I would LOVE to tell my mom that I am going for a lap next month as I could use her support, so I'd really like to tell my family too!! Thanks for your thoughts! Sorry for rambling.

Holly~

ASPROUSEY05 · 06-26-2006, 08:43 AM

HOLLYNCURREN, I FELT PRESSURE BY MY AUNTS AND UNCLES AND INLAWS ABOUT STARTING A FAMILY... QUESTIONS OF WHEN WE ARE GOING TO START TRYING, AND I JUST GOT SICK OF THE LYING I WAS HONEST (BUT NOT IN DETAIL) OF WHAT WAS GOING ON... MOST OF THEM JUST BACKED OFF WITH THE QUESTIONS, SO AT LEAST WHEN I SEE THEM ITS NOT ALL ABOUT "WHEN ARE U HAVING KIDS" SO FOR ME IT MADE IT EASIER, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT THO...

rosequartz · 06-26-2006, 09:03 AM

I'm surprised......usually they ask when are you getting married?

then once your married the questions about kids comes up.

koukla3 · 06-26-2006, 11:18 AM

Holly,

I had the same problem with my dh's family. They never flat out asked us if we were trying. My sister in law would make comments constantly and pressure me to drink wine with her to see if I would decline and that was her way of figuring out we were trying. I was getting sick of the baby making investigation by his mom and sister so I finally told them at Easter. I told them that I knew they were wondering if we were pregnant/trying all of the time so I said that we have been trying without success and we are seeing a fertility specialist. It really took a giant weight off of both of our chests b/c we felt like we had this big secret and we were really uncomfortable around them. I was very hesitant to tell them b/c i didn't know if they would support us during the whole process. They have been wonderful since then. They only ask how I am doing and they let me tell them what I am comfortable telling them. The only thing I asked them is to not ask me if I was pregnant every time they saw me...I said you will know when I am.

With my family...I told my sisters and my parents and they are extremely supportive. The only thing that annoys me is that my family is very religious and my mom and sisters always say when god is ready for you to have a child you will. Although I believe that also...it gets annoying when AF arrives and that's all you hear.

Our friends...only 2 of my close friends know what is going on...I don't want anyone else to know b/c I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us.

Ok... I am rambling on and on...I hope that helps. I think if it will make you more comfortable around your family and friends then tell them...just be ready for a lot of questions. Good luck...let me know how it goes.

Thank you also for your kind support and replies to all of my posts. It really means a lot to me.

koukla

Just~A~ · 06-26-2006, 11:41 AM

Everyone has given such wonderful input, I don't know if I can add anything to it except to say that family support is wonderful, and I agree with Koukla that I don't want them asking whether I'm pg!

In some ways I regret telling too many ppl we're undergoing tx cuz now they all ask how it's going. My standard reply is "I'm fine. Still seeing the RE and I'm hopeful." which is true. but family is different, esp. if they'll be supportive and non-judgmental about seeking medical asst. As far as the "it will happen when God wants it" thing?? Ugh. That drives me crazy. They make it sound like conception is completely out of anybody's hands. There is only so much medicine can do, but because of FREE WILL, our choices can impact the outcome instead of sitting around "hoping" it happens.

Let us know how the visit goes!

~A~