Need emotional support? You can vent here.... - Infertility Message Board

Jen0707 · 08-22-2006, 09:32 AM

Hello all!

I am new to this board and recently had a personal incident that made me realize I could use my energy into helping instead of feeling sorry for myself!

A few years ago, my first husband and I went through infertility issues - on my part - not his. After years of AI and IVF and 4 miscarriages at differenent phases of my pregnancies - it destroyed our marriage. I have since moved on and married a man that had a vasectomy long before I met him. I though that this was my cure! I would never feel the pressure of not having children, nor would I have to endure more treatments because someone else could be blamed other than me. I have since realized - this isn't my cure - it was just a 'quick-fix' for the moment.

Anywhoo - to make a long story short - I know what a lot of you are going through - the joys and the pain. My co-worker who knows my history decided to wait until my birthday to make her announcement that she is pregnant - almost a year older than me (34) and her first pregnancy on the first try. My heart has been broken ever since. I can't in good conscience engage in the 'baby talk' or make comments which takes up the entire office conversation. I never knew how much this would hurt even after a few years of not being in the middle of it.

Again - without trying to feel sorry for myself, I wondered if it were possible to actually be a help to anyone instead of being a 'downer'. All of our experiences have made changes in our lives for one reason or another and it's nice be to able to share those experiences without feeling like you are going to 'offend' someone. I feel that maybe sharing my experiences may help me in the healing process instead of keep it buried deep inside. I know there must be other women who have faced the 'co-worker' situation and I would like to hear your story - as it may be able to help me deal with my issues. I considered it 'free-therapy'! I can't talk about it here at work - but I know I can talk about here.

Everyone women who goes though this difficult time - please remember, you are not alone and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope I can be of some help to someone out there instead of wallowing in my own self-pity!

Thanks for listening and I hope to hear from some of you!

Jen in West Virginia

Heyknack · 08-22-2006, 12:41 PM

Hi Jen, and welcome to the board! There are always lots of encouraging words and thoughts around here!
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, I can relate to your coworker experience. Early last year, I told one of my good friends/coworkers that my DH and I were going to start TTC. Well, a couple months later, she was completely flabbergasted to find she was pregnant! She and her DH hadn't even started trying yet, but they practice family planning...and must have miscalculated. Anyway, I by that time was finding I had fertility issues and was happy for her...but at the same time, very envious. Especially as the office was consumed with baby conversations. So I can understand. But I've come to the understanding that all pregnancies are really little miracles. I mean they really are!! I can't help but be excited for someone who gets pregnant, whether planned or accidental, whether easily or difficult. I just keep hoping that someday I can experience some of that joy of parenting, whether it's after fertility treatments, or through adoption. But that's just my situation. Anyway, stay strong. You'll find lots of other women here in much the same boat as you, and that's nice to not feel so alone!!

Jen0707 · 08-22-2006, 12:47 PM

Hello!

Thank you for your reply! I can say I am happy for her - and I really mean that. I wouldn't wish my horrible experiences on my worst enemy. I don't always have the right reaction and the responses to things that are being said around me. It is difficult - but that's why I thought about getting some emotional support and returning the favor.

Thanks again!

Jen

Higgie26 · 08-22-2006, 01:55 PM

Hi Jen070

I am also new here and know EXACTLY how you must have felt!

I have been ttc for almost 3 yrs

and have also seen EVERYONE around me get preggies.
I resigned from my job last year (I HATED IT!

), and went to go visit everyone a few months later.
The guy that got my old job was there, and as soon as he saw me, he started showing me pictures of his 'adorable little angels', two young daughters, one two, and one four. After seeing a dozen of these pictures, he proudly announces that he will become a father again, in September. They went off the pill and was preggies that same cycle!!!

I suppose it wasnt his fault, but I just felt is SOOOO unfair that some people just get lucky when and how they want, and the ones who REALLY want a little

have to just see the months tick by with no luck!

Sucks!

Anyway, perseverance, and more perseverance !!

Jen0707 · 08-22-2006, 02:25 PM

Hi Higgie26!

Thanks so much for sharing! Even after not being in the middle of it the last 5 years - I went through pure hell for 7! I so feel your frustration! The co-worker I mentioned - took me out in the hallway yesterday to tell me how 'offended' she was by my lack of engaging in baby conversation and that she doesn't feel I am happy for her. Excuse me - but she takes EVERY opportunity to get a dig in on me whenever possible. At first I ingored it - but yesterday was almost unbearable! I cried all of the way home from work thinking what a horrible person I was being.

I AM happy for her, but you think she wouldn't be so insensitive to my previous situation. She mentioned how 'I needed to get over it, come to terms with it and get over not having a child - that it must not have been meant to be". I realized today that it wasn't me that was being horrible - it was her. Today she mentioned that it must be her 'hormones' that is making her act this way. Whatever!!!