My Fiancé is stressing I will have problem conceiving - Infertility Message Board

Lotus_Blossom · 10-27-2006, 10:40 PM

I am experiencing a problem within my Relationship and I need to talk about it.My Fiancé is stressing I will have problem conceiving due to being"Obese"and in turn his stressing is stressing me(which surely will put a strain on getting Pregnant).It's almost like he wants to make 100% complete certain I am fertile before Marriage and if not doesn't want to be with me.I haven't had frequent or regular sex to know if I will get Pregnant and not being Married at the moment Gynecologists or Fertility Doctors will not test me just to ease his concerns.As we know,Doctors tell couples not to start worrying until after 1 year of trying without using Contraceptives.Then and only then be concerned.He and I haven't even had sex yet cos I'm here and he's elsewhere(for the moment).I have been Menstruating since age 10 and am soon 34.In the length of my Menstrual History I've had 1 problem with my Cycle but know why and the problem was taken care of.I am regular as clock work.If I am due to start on the 12th of the Month I start on the 12th or the 13th or 14th.My flow isn't so heavy I'm Anemic,I don't pass gigantic clots and lasts 4-6 days.I know when I Ovulate too.He needs to be considering he could have a Fertility problem.What if he ends having a low Sperm count,low Sperm volume or something.Men can have just as many Fertility issues as can super Skinny Women.I don't know how to ease his fears.Does anyone have any insight?

km7503 · 10-28-2006, 06:25 AM

First off, there are plenty of women out there that get pg and are "obese." Of course, I have read that it can be harder to conceive and there are risks on the baby and on having a normal delivery.

I, too, am overweight, and gained A LOT of weight from IVF cycles. The hormones wreeked havoc on my already sensitive weight shifts. Now, pregnant at 15 weeks, I am the heaviest I've ever been. I hope it does not put strain on the baby as I get bigger or make the delivery harder, but there's nothing I can do now. I have to eat, (I try eating healthy but that's also hard) and the baby has to eat and develop. I do plan on losing a LOT of weight after the baby is born though so I am at a much healthier weight before the next one...even if I have to do IVF again, which is likely.

It is funny that you mention about his possible problems. That's exactly what happened to us. It was a shock to my husband who is relatively healthy and has no fat to speak of on his entire body. You really never know unless he gets tested.

So, here's my advice: I would tell him there's nothing to worry about now, until you see a problem...where time has passed and you're not getting pregnant. There is no reason why just being "obese" will not get you pregnant. Just curious though, have you thought of losing weight (NOT FOR HIM

) but just to be healthier, and to possibly make it easier to conceive and/or to deliver?
If time has passed and you aren't getting pregnant, there are several tests your OB can do, even ordering tests for him. (And some will do those tests before a year.) If he/she feels that an RE is recommended then, there are so many options out there. But stressing before there's a need to stress is ridiculous. There is enough stress when it comes to infertility treatments, wait until you know you have a problem. Good luck!!!

ravaemarie · 10-28-2006, 08:01 AM

Lotus_Blossom,
I totally agree with what Krissi said (KM7503). I am not overweight, though I have gained quite a bit of weight in the last couple of years due to IF medications and also probably stress...but I, too have infertility issues. If you look around at the supermarkets or just when you are out and about and see all of the overweight women with kids, it really should put your fiancee's mind at ease. Average size women can have the same chance of having infertility problems as overweight and underweight women. AND, you are right, men can be the "cause" of the infertility in couples, as well. There are many on this board that have male factor IF.

My advice would be to see your OB/GYN and let him/her know that you are going to start trying to conceive. They may want to start looking into IF if you have not conceived after 6 months, due to being over 30. Some doctors have a cutoff age of 35 and some say 30 - but it never hurts to ask. Then you know. I would also reccommend getting OPKs to use, just to be sure you are getting an LH surge and ovulating and you are doing the baby dance at the right time.

I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming marriage, as well as TTC!!! Come and visit us on the IF boards anytime!!

~Ravae

Lotus_Blossom · 10-29-2006, 02:46 PM

Hi km7503,
Even though I am not small,there are Women who are small that don't have Periods regular as clockwork like I do.If my Period is due a certain day of the Month,I can be assured it will start the day it's due or within 2-3 days of it.A Friend and I were discussing this matter earlier and she told me when she weighed 107 pounds,her Period would come every 2 months or whenever it arrived and she had no problems whatsoever conceiving.In fact,her Cycles evened out after she gave Birth.I know a Woman with PCOS weighing over 400 pounds that conceived,carried to full term and delivered(Vaginally without problem)a 6 pound and 7 ounce healthy Baby Girl and I know many other"Obese"Women who've became Pregnant without undo problems.Most Women I know that has Endometriosis is small in size.Of the three I know,2 have successfully conceived 2-3 times each.I don't have Endometriosis,PCOS or any other contributing factor that would put a strain on my conceiving.I've never had a Vaginal type Infection except several Yeast Infections,so my Fallopian Tubes as far as I know aren't scarred.In 1997 I had a Staph Infection in 2(almost 3)Discs in my Spine.Being in enormous amounts of pain(without cease until the Infection was taken care of),the stress from the pain,lack of sleep,worry,taking several different kinds of Pain Medications,a round of Steroids(I did not need),a few rounds of Muscle Relaxers(I did not need,Anesthesia a number of times and heaps of Broad Spectrum Antibiotics(IV and Oral)for 3 1/2 months knocked my Body out of whack and off kilter,so I had DUB(Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding)for awhile,but after a few rounds of Provera days 1-10 of each month the problem was corrected.I think it would be common for any Woman who experiences what I did to have a problem with their Menstrual Cycle.When I had the DUB,my Gynecologist performed a D&C.The pathology came back perfect.No Tumors,Cysts,Polyps,masses,growths and no precancerous indicaters.Do I want to lose weight for future Health and to be in the best shape for Pregnancy?Yes I do,but I don't want him breathing down my neck 24/7(which he has done).If my Fiance was Infertile that's all she wrote because in his Culture a"Man"has a big Family and I wouldn't put it past him to lay the blame off on me IF there was for any reason we had difficulty getting Pregnant.Men in that Culture wouldn't be the one with a fertility problem.I know ridiculous

I try my very best to be understanding of him as he's young(28),unlearned and doesn't know any better,but what upsets me most is,instead of discussing his concerns with me,a Woman that knows her Body,he is seeking advice from my Friend and I've been told by my Friend not to say anything about it because he came to her in confidentiality to help him understand.He trusts my Friend who is like a Sister and even Mother(she's 19 years older than me).Thank you so very much for your helpful advice KM.I wish you and Hubby success for a precious bundle of joy

km7503 · 10-29-2006, 06:10 PM

I hope you didn't take offense

to my post about you considering losing weight. You do seem well informed about not only your body but infertile problems that you seeminlgy should not have to worry about. I can sense your frustrations, and I'm not even sure why your fiance would seek a friend's advice to "understand" when no problem has presented itself yet. Have you two been trying for a while arelady? I hope you are blessed soon enough when you are ready to have children and maybe the issues with your fiance will resolve themselves. Good luck!